Folded Wings
by Random1377
Summary: Philosophical questions are only hard to answer if they are asked in the first place.  A story of the First Child.  Complete
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own EVA. If the owners say to, I'll take this story offline. Thanks.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 1

The tall, open hallways of NERV headquarters offered little for small sounds like footsteps to echo off of, a fact that Rei Ayanami, having spent much of her childhood in and around that structure, knew all too well. She never really paid the silence much mind, in all honesty, but on the day she ran into Ryouji Kaji, she found herself particularly aware of her surroundings.

A factor, perhaps, in what would contribute to the events of the next three months.

It was 7:55 by Rei's watch, a finely crafted timepiece the Commander had insisted on giving her for her '14th' birthday, and though NERV employed thousands of technicians and scientists and workers of all kinds, the layout of the complex was big enough that the First Child met no one between the Pribnow box and the elevator bank.

And so, when the elevator doors slid open to reveal a lone occupant, Rei considered it nothing more than a chance encounter.

"Hello, Rei."

"Good evening, Mister Kaji."

Kaji stepped to the side, making more room for the pilot, though he really did not need to. The elevators in NERV Central were designed to handle bulk freight, and up to 55 people at a time. With two people, the only way there could be uncomfortable closeness would be for one of them to deliberately impinge on the other's space.

Rei stepped onto the elevator and turned to face the doors, letting her arms hang lifelessly at her sides rather than folding or swinging them nervously as many young women alone in an elevator with an older man might. She had nothing to fear. She was worthless. She was replaceable.

Even if Kaji abruptly slit her throat from behind, Rei would find herself in NERV's hospital with a new body, and only a slight lapse in her memory to show for it.

The First Child had no reason to fear anything.

"I saw your sync scores," Kaji said casually, leaning back against the rear of the elevator and folding his arms over his chest. "You're up several points. Congratulations."

Knowing that some kind of reply was expected, Rei gave a curt nod.

Kaji chuckled softly. "Do you think you could turn around?" he asked levelly. "It's a long ride to the surface… and as charming as I find your backside, I'd rather spend the time talking than staring at it."

Though she did not appreciate the sarcasm, Rei complied, turning to face the man, but saying nothing as the elevator clicked off floor after floor in its slow ascent.

Kaji allowed the staring contest to go on for several minutes before softly clearing his throat.

"It's been a tough time lately, huh?"

"Yes… there have been a lot of angels."

"Are you holding up ok?"

"Of course. If I were not, I would not be allowed to continue piloting."

"Ahh."

Considering the girl for a moment, Kaji tried to decide what to make of her. They had never really had much of a chance to interact, but anyone with a shred of common sense could tell after two conversations that the First Child did not get out much. The second conversation, he mused, was necessary to understand that you had not offended or upset her in the first conversation.

Rei was simply Rei – and those who could not deal with her abrupt, reclusive nature tended to end up avoiding or disliking her.

Like Asuka.

Kaji, however, had an inkling of the girl's true nature – not a firm grasp, as of yet, but at least an idea that behind those placid red eyes lurked a terrible secret. And secrets… were Kaji's forte.

"Have you eaten yet?"

"No," Rei replied honestly, "I have not."

"I was just heading out to get something…would you care to join me?"

Rei considered this for a moment. At her apartment, all that awaited her was packaged ramen and a few pieces of fruit she had picked up last weekend… overripe, no doubt, by then. Nothing in the Commander's orders forbade her from eating with others, and while she did not know Mister Kaji very well, she certainly did not have any reason to avoid his invitation. Besides which, she was terribly hungry.

The decision, she found, was rather easy to make.

"I would not mind."

"Great," Kaji said easily. "No meat, right?"

Glancing at him from the corner of her eye, Rei replied, "Correct. How did you know that I dislike meat?"

Kaji waved a hand dismissively. "Katsuragi told me," he said lightly, "we talk sometimes you know."

"Mm."

They said nothing more as the elevator continued to rise, delivering them finally at the surface level.

"Is Italian agreeable to you, Miss Ayanami?"

Rei fell in step at Kaji's side as he started towards the main entrance to NERV headquarters. "I have no preference," she said calmly.

"Have you ever had it?" Kaji returned, determined to strike up a lasting conversation.

"Yes," Rei answered, keeping her answer straightforward.

"What do you like best?"

"I do not have any preference."

"…do you have preferences on anything, Rei?"

"Not many things."

"Ah."

Kaji let the conversation go for the time being, reasoning that he would have better luck after getting to the restaurant. Rei had undergone several rather lengthy tests, he knew, so perhaps she would be in a more talkative mood once she had a chance to relax a bit and get some food into her.

Then again, Rei _was_ Rei, so the odds were not in Kaji's favor.

The ride to the restaurant was spent in relative silence, with Rei staring out of the car window at the darkened streets outside, and Kaji respecting her obvious lack of interest in talking. He brought her to one of his favorite restaurants, parking the car nearby and holding the door for her to allow her to precede him inside. Once inside, he got them a table by pressing a twenty into the matre de's hand and talking to him as if they were old friends.

As the man said that, shockingly, they just had a table for two open up, Kaji noticed that Rei's eyes were lingering on the man's hand. He waited until they were seated, and the matre de was out of earshot, before saying, "You don't approve?"

Rei lifted her menu. "It is not my business," she said quietly, giving the items a cursory glance before setting the menu back down.

"Maybe not," Kaji pressed lightly, "but I'd like to know."

"Then, no," Rei said simply. "I do not approve of bribery."

Kaji laced his hands together and leaned a little closer. "Interesting," he murmured, "may I ask why?"

Rei met the man's gaze without blinking. "It is immoral," she said flatly. "By using money to influence the host's decisions, you are affecting the wait time of the other patrons."

Smiling faintly, Kaji replied, "The wait was over an hour, and I heard your stomach rumbling in the car. Tell me, was it better to let you go hungry, or slip the guy a little spending money to make sure you're taken care of?"

"I could have waited," Rei said, calmly taking a sip of her water.

"Well," Kaji said dryly, "we can always get up and give our seats to someone who's been waiting a while, if it would make you feel better."

Rei set her glass down and glanced at her menu again. "As I said before," she whispered, "it is not my business, Mister Kaji."

Before Kaji could reply, the waitress showed up to take their order. Kaji ordered linguine and a beer. Rei ordered plain spaghetti.

Water seemed to be fine with her.

Kaji regarded the girl for a moment. She did not seem concerned or uncomfortable in any way – an impressive display, really. After all, most teenage girls eating dinner with a grown man in a cozy booth in an expensive Italian restaurant would be a bit unnerved, be it out of infatuation or the simple knowledge that the person sitting across from them was their superior in physical stature and (most likely) experience.

Rei, however, sat calmly, waiting for her meal to arrive and staring fixedly at the table in front of her.

It was this last detail that got Kaji's mind working once more.

"Nice place, huh?" he said lightly, watching the girl closely for any reaction.

"It is fine," Rei replied, looking for a moment at the back of her hand before returning her gaze to the table.

"Have you even looked around?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Rei lifted her eyes, staring at Kaji for a moment before bluntly replying, "Because I do not want to."

Leaning forward, Kaji said, "Why not, Rei?"

"Because I… do not," Rei said slowly, "there is no other reason."

"You're not curious at all?"

"Why would I be?"

Kaji scratched his chin. "Well," he said carefully, "most people your age – no, wait, most people _period_ – like to take in their surroundings when they go somewhere new."

"Oh," Rei said disinterestedly. "I do not."

At this, Kaji very nearly gave up and let the girl sit in silence.

He had hoped to perhaps get on her good side and slip in a few subtle questions on the EVAs, and herself, if possible… but the longer he stared at her expressionless face, the more he began to wonder if she _had_ a good side to get _on_. The Commander had trained her well, it seemed, leaving Kaji wondering if she was even capable of normal interaction.

"So," he said, throwing the dismal thoughts out of a mental window, "do you date, Rei? I know the life of a pilot is a busy one, but I'm sure there's room for at least a little extracurricular activity, right?"

"There is," Rei admitted slowly, "but I do not date."

Keeping his eyes on her face, Kaji murmured, "Is there anyone you wish you _could_ date?"

Rei's face tightened slightly, Kaji thought – a flicker of emotion that passed so quickly he was no even sure he saw it.

"It is immaterial," the First said dismissively.

"Human affection is never immaterial," Kaji shot back. "Are you uncomfortable discussing this with me?"

"No," Rei said immediately, "because there is nothing to discuss."

Rei, Kaji noticed, was being stubborn – not blatantly, he mused, but she was definitely digging in for a prolonged verbal siege… so Kaji attacked from another direction, approaching the conversation like a puzzle with a difficult, obscure solution.

"Would you go on a date with Shinji, if he asked?"

Again, Rei's reply was immediate.

"He would not."

"But if he did?"

"He would n-"

"But if he _did_?"

Rei's mouth – still open in denial of the idea of Shinji asking her on a date – slowly closed. She stared at Kaji for a long, long minute, her eyes betraying no hint of what might be going on in her mind, and as the waitress set their meals in front of them, Kaji realized that Rei was not going to speak again. She had uttered her final word on the subject, and no matter how he pressed, he was not going to get a better response.

Thanking the waitress, he turned to Rei and said, "You know what you remind me of?"

"No."

"A bird."

"A… bird?"

"Mm hmm – a bird that hasn't left the nest yet. You have wings, and you can fly… but you keep them folded up against you, because you're afraid of getting hurt. You'll be taken care of for as long as you want – the nest is safe – but if you don't stand on the edge and spread your wings a bit, you'll always be trapped inside of it."

What Rei thought of this analogy, Kaji could not be sure, as she simply nodded and picked up her fork, turning her full attention to her dinner.

Smiling faintly, Kaji dug his fork into his noodles, spinning it around for a moment before whispering, "You know that Shinji cares about you, don't you? I've seen the way he looks at you."

Rei set her fork down. "He should not," she said, surprising Kaji with the candidness of her reply, "I am self-sufficient. I do not need others to worry for me."

"Maybe not," Kaji admitted, "but you can't make them stop, either. If you take a look around at the people in your life, I think you'll be surprised to see how many care for you… regardless of whether they need to or not."

Nodding once more, Rei picked her fork back up and resumed eating.

The rest of the meal was held in silence.

Rei declined Kaji's offer for a ride home, pointing out that there was a train station less than a block away, and that she was well used to riding it. She gave him a polite bow, but before she could leave, Kaji put a hand on her shoulder and gazed into her eyes.

"What good are folded wings?" he asked lightly, shrugging as he turned away from the quiet teen. "I'll let you get going now, Miss Ayanami. Thank you for joining me for dinner." Hesitating, he gave her a considering glance over his shoulder. "Perhaps you might think about what I've said, some time?"

Though the man was long gone before Rei spoke again, it was still his parting question she replied to before turning towards the train station and starting the long journey home.

"…perhaps."

Continued…

Author's Notes: there will be at least one more chapter on this story, and possibly more, depending on motivation and time… though I can't guarantee when they'll be coming, since Rei is rather hard for me to write about without going overboard and having her too emotional or too robotic.

I did not use a pre-reader for this chapter.

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities, or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at-sign)yahoo(dot)com.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own EVA. If the owners say to, I'll take this story offline. Thanks.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 2

Rei surveyed the classroom in absolute silence, saying nothing as she took stock of her classmates. Tatsuya, Ikari, Souryu, Aoyama, Horaki, Mitsuhiro, Nagi – so many people she did not know, or barely had a passing acquaintance with. Mister Kaji had said to take note of what the others in her life thought of her, but so far, not a single person had so much a glanced her way.

_What a pointless exercise_, she thought skeptically, _I do not see that anyone cares for me in this place… nor do I require them to. Mister Kaji seems to have too much free time on his hands…_

She was tempted to simply return to looking out the window, but something had happened in between leaving the restaurant and coming to school the next morning – something that almost never, ever happened.

Rei got curious.

She was not lonely or desperate for attention – she had too many, far more important concerns on her mind for such trivialities – but she was mildly interested in seeing if Mister Kaji was right.

So far, she had not seen any indication that he was. _Nothing,_ she thought, feeling suddenly very foolish for wasting time on idle musings. _There, Mister Kaji… I have thought about what you have said, and I have found it to be incor-_

"Hey, Ayanami."

Rei lifted her gaze, finding the class representative walking her way. Usually, when the girl got Rei's attention, it was to tell her she had cleanup duty or (more rarely) to ask her to drop off some printouts for one of the students out sick. Rei had never really paid much attention to the girl, in all honesty, especially considering that she was a friend of Souryu's… and Souryu was no friend of Rei's.

"Yes, Miss Horaki?"

The dark-eyed girl pulled her hair back off of her face, offering Rei a hesitant smile as she said, "I was just wondering if anything's wrong. You've been… kinda staring around all morning. Is everything ok?"

Resting her chin in her palm, Rei murmured, "I was not aware that anything had to be wrong to look around the classroom."

Hikari blushed. "Well, it… it doesn't," she said, now looking very flustered, "but usually you-" she cut herself off. "Never mind," she said quietly, "it's not important."

As she turned to go, Rei turned her attention back to the class rep.

_Is this concern?_ she thought as the other girl made her way back to her desk. _No, it is her job to keep track of unusual behavior in the classroom._

Satisfied with this explanation, Rei decided that she had observed enough.

She was just turning back to the window when another voice said, "Hey, Ayanami."

Fighting an urge to roll her eyes, Rei turned back around. "Yes?"

Utsuki Nagi, a short, dark-haired girl Rei had never cared very much for, stood looming over Rei's desk… or looming as best a girl of her stature could. "You don't have to be a mega-bitch _all_ the time, you know," Utsuki said crankily, "Hikari was _trying_ to be nice!"

Rei disregarded her. "It is her obligation to," she pointed out dispassionately, "she would do the same for-"

"Shut up."

The First Child sighed softly. _Here we go…_

Utsuki, she knew, was rather found of the class representative – not in a sexual way, of course, but there was definitely a clear case of hero worship going on. Normally, the short girl spent her days quietly watching Hikari from a distance, but since Rei normally spent her days looking out the window, she must have seemed to be a fair target for the dark-haired girl to show her displeasure at the treatment of her idol.

Rei readied herself for a drawn-out discourse on Hikari's greatness.

It was not the first time she had inadvertently offended someone, and she doubted it would be the last. It was one of the curses of being wholly honest, she supposed as Utsuki began her tirade on Rei's poor manners and Hikari's saintly concern. Rei did not go out of her way to be rude to people, but she also felt no real need to spare their feelings if they asked a direct question like, 'what do you think of this dress,' or, 'let's be great friends!'

Rei was very effectively tuning the other girl out until she said something that caught Rei's attention.

"What was that?"

Utsuki froze with her mouth wide open. "Have you been listening at all?" she spluttered, indignant that Rei would have the gall to ignore her.

"No, I have not," Rei replied flatly, "but what was that last thing you said?"

Flushing bright red, Utsuki clenched her hands into fists. "Stuff it!" she said angrily, "I'm not repeating myself for you, you red-eyed freak! You just watch how you talk to Hikari, or I'll… I'll…"

What she would do, Rei never did find out, as the dark-haired girl abruptly turned and stalked away from Rei's desk, muttering curses under her breath.

After several moments of quiet, Hikari made her way back to Rei's desk.

"Sorry about Utsuki," she apologized, "I just heard that she was giving you a hard time."

"Why are you apologizing for her?" Rei wondered, confused.

Hikari shrugged. "She's my friend," she explained simply, "that's all. Plus she was freaking out because she thought you were talking to me 'disrespectfully,' so I guess I kind of felt responsible for her, or something."

A faint frown creased Rei's brow. "Why?" she asked bluntly.

"I don't know," Hikari laughed nervously, "just… that's what friends do sometimes… I guess…"

Rei pondered on this, almost missing her chance to ask what was on her mind as Hikari excused herself and started back to her desk.

"Miss Horaki…?"

"Hmm?"

"Is what she said true?"

Hikari rested her hands on two desks, leaning back a bit as she regarded Rei. "Which part?" she said brightly, "I heard her talking for a while, but since I was helping Aida with a problem, I couldn't get back here until she was already done."

Rei hesitated. _There is no need to pursue this,_ she told herself firmly. _It is not beneficial to EVA in any way, it does not affect me personally, and it is wasting time._

In spite of these reasons, Rei still found herself asking, "Have you tried to befriend me before?"

Hikari smiled. "I love the words you use," she said happily, "you're always so… refined and proper. Umm," her smile faded slightly, "yeah, I've tried – but it's cool if you don't want to, I mean, now that I know you're a pilot, like Ikari, I figured that you probably don't have the time or something, so… don't worry about offending me or anything."

"I was not worried about that."

"…yeah, I didn't really think you were," Hikari sighed. "Oh well."

Turning for her desk again, Hikari was brought up short as Rei said, "May I ask why you wanted to befriend me?"

Hikari sighed deeply. "It wouldn't make sense if I tried to explain," she said quietly, "just… forget about it, Ayanami, it doesn't really matter."

Rei let her go. _One instance,_ she thought dismissively, _it is only one instance…_

The seeds of doubt, however, had been firmly planted… and rather than staring out the window for the next two weeks, Rei spent her time watching those around her and paying particular attention to anyone that met her eyes for more than a moment, or smiled, or waved, mentally noting that while there were only a few people actually paid her any attention, there were more than one.

It was most enlightening.

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji yawned as he buttoned the last button on his shirt, rubbing at his tired eyes and swinging his locker closed as he turned for the door. "What a day," he sighed, walking unhurriedly out of the locker room. "School, sync tests… and I still have to cook dinner."

Although it seemed like he was bogged down, Shinji's step was still light as he walked through the halls. Things were finally evening out. He was still getting used to having Asuka living in the apartment, but he imagined that he always would.

The redhead just made him nervous.

Other than that, everything was falling into a nice, comfortable rhythm. He knew what people expected of him, he had something to occupy his time, and life did not seem to have any more surprises for him – excluding, of course, the appearance of angels, but even that had an established pattern of tension, breathtaking anxiety, and finally, resolution.

They had not lost yet.

Shinji was optimistically hoping that the trend would continue.

_I know we're not like, invincible,_ he thought as he neared the elevator banks, _but we've won every fight so far. I wonder why the angels…_

His thought trailed off as he came to a halt in front of the elevators… and his footsteps kept clicking on down the hallway.

_What the…?_

Shinji blinked as he realized it was not his footsteps, but someone else's. Slowly, he turned around, finding Rei approaching him from down the hall. "Oh, hi Ayanami," he said belatedly, "how are you?"

"I am well," Rei replied quietly, coming up next to Shinji and standing at his side, "and yourself?"

"Fine," Shinji replied slowly, taken a little off guard that Rei actual asked after his health.

Usually her replies were abrupt and borderline rude – more so with other people, but even with him, she was a touch on the brusque side.

Also, he noticed that she had not pushed the button to summon the elevator. _Weird,_ he thought, glancing at the First from the corner of his eye as he reached out and hit the button himself. _She looks like she wants to say something._

Indeed, Rei seemed on the verge of starting a conversation – a phenomenon Shinji could not recall seeing before. He was sure she had, of course, as it was nearly impossible to get through life by waiting for others to start conversations… a fact that he himself was painfully aware of, but he really did not remember ever having her be the one to initiate a discussion.

Clearly, that mold was not about to be broken, as Rei simply stood next to him, staring down at the floor with a very faint frown on her face.

_I wonder if I should say something,_ he thought, shifting from one foot to the other as the First glanced up at the readout showing what floor the elevator was on.

With a soft 'ding,' the elevator arrived and the two Children stepped in, maintaining their awkward silence as Shinji reached over and pushed the button that would send them to the top level.

Quietly, the doors slid closed and the elevator began to rise, clicking off floors in a slow, meandering procession, seeming to Shinji to take twice as long to move as it normally did.

Rei was standing very close to him.

"D-doing anything fun this weekend?" Shinji stammered, finally unable to take the silence anymore.

"I have no plans," Rei said quietly, "and yourself?"

"Nothing really," Shinji said awkwardly, edging away from the First a bit to give himself a little breathing room.

Physical closeness made him slightly anxious.

"Then… perhaps-"

So intent was Shinji on what Rei was about to say that he nearly jumped as the elevator doors slid open and a technician he did not know stepped in, giving them a cursory smile before turning his back on them.

"I… just remembered something I forgot," Shinji said suddenly, slipping off the elevator before Rei could say a word, "I'll talk to you later, Ayanami…"

He did not look back to see what expression Rei wore as the doors slid closed.

_No… no way,_ he thought with some confusion, _was she… she wasn't, was she?_

Shinji rested his palms on his knees, staring down at the backs of his hands as he leaned up against the elevator door.

"Was she about to ask me out…?"

The idea seemed so farfetched that Shinji nearly laughed out loud. Ayanami? Asking _him_ out? Ridiculous. It would never happen.

_Then… why did I run away…?_

Taking a deep breath, Shinji pushed away from the wall, wishing – not for the first time in his life – that he had Misato's taste for beer.

…he could really use a drink.

Continued…

Author's notes: _Was_ Rei about to ask Shinji out? Why _did_ he run away? How many licks _does_ it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? The world may never know. Well, ok, one of these questions may be answered in the next chapter. Unfortunately for you people, it'll probably be the tootsie pop one. I know this chapter was a bit shorter than the last, but that's only because it's a springboard into the next chapter, where angst and self-discovery abound. …or something.

No pre-reader was harmed in the making of this fic.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377(at-sign)yahoo(dot)com.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own EVA. If the owners say to, I'll take this story offline. Thanks.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 3

Kaji stretched languidly, yawning so hard that something in his jaw gave a loud pop. It was very late at night, but Kaji had a lot of work ahead of him. Since had found the truth of the Marduk report, everything was starting to fall into place. It was slow going, but he felt sure that he would have concrete answers very soon.

_Too bad I couldn't get Rei talking that day,_ he thought, rising from his computer chair and walking over to his fridge to pour himself a drink. _I haven't seen much of her since then. She seems to be preoccupied lately… heh, I wonder if she's still thinking about that little bird analogy…_

Dealing with women was one of Kaji's strong suits, and though Rei would never know it… the analogy of the bird and the nest was one he had used several times before – never with women that knew each other, oh no, it would not do to have them talking and finding out that he only had a few different approaches.

But the bird concept was one he was very proud of.

…it had gotten him into at least three beds he could think of offhand.

"You gotta feel sorry for the kid, though," he mused, dropping ice cubes into a small tumbler full of bourbon, "raised like a recluse, cut off from kids her own age until _this year_… no wonder she's an emotional train wreck."

Shrugging, Kaji decided it was time to take a break. Walking back to his laptop, he saved his work – in a removable flash drive, of course – and shut it down, pocketing the memory stick and walking over to his couch to settle in with a comfortable sigh.

He was halfway through his bourbon when the doorbell rang.

_Hmm_, he thought, glancing at the clock with an arched eyebrow, _don't suppose there's any chance that could be female companionship, now is there?_

Though this idea was rather appealing, it seemed rather unlikely… so while he carried his bourbon in one hand, his other was soon filled with the comforting weight of a .45 longslide – his personal favorite for home defense.

"Coming," he sang merrily, approaching the door from the side rather than head-on, in case whoever was on the other side decided to fill it full of holes. Reaching the door without incident, Kaji pressed his eye up to the spy hole, frowning as he found the hallway empty. He blinked, though, as the knock was repeated, adjusting his view so he was looking down and finding himself staring at a mass of neatly combed blue hair.

"Well I'll be…"

Clicking on the safety, Kaji slipped heavy firearm into the back of his pants and covered it with his shirt.

"Good evening, Mister Kaji," Rei said, giving him a formal bow as he pulled the door open to greet her, "are you well?"

"Er, I'm not too bad," Kaji said, gesturing the girl into his apartment. "Nice umm… nice coat…"

Rei said nothing, leaving Kaji to wonder why the girl was dressed in a long, tan trench coat as she gazed around his apartment, taking in her surroundings.

In spite of the late hour, this move did not go unnoticed by Kaji.

_Uh oh,_ he thought, returning to his couch and regarding the girl as she focused on him, _it seems I've started something I shouldn't have started…_

He had no idea.

"I have considered what you told me over dinner."

"So I gathered," Kaji said easily, taking a small sip of his drink and setting it on his coffee table. "I'm… guessing that you came all the way over here to tell me more than that, though… am I right?"

"Yes…"

Kaji gestured for her to take a seat. "Please," he said lightly, "enlighten me."

Rei remained on her feet.

"As you suggested, I have taken some time to contemplate my place in the world, as well as my interactions with those around me, and I believe that you are correct… I am confined to the life that I lead by fear and uncertainty of the unknown."

"Rei, I-"

"Please… let me finish."

"…alright."

"In contemplating this… situation, I believe that that I know how I can break free of this mold that confines me. It is as you said – I was afraid of what may happen should I leave the comfort of my normal routine, but on observing those around me in their relationships and interactions, I have realized that I may still fulfill my obligations while enjoying what life has to offer."

"That's… pretty profound," Kaji admitted.

_Damn,_ he thought, _I should have her write my pickup lines – girl's got a way with words when you finally get her to talk._

Rei, though, seemed like she had more than talk on her mind.

Slowly, she began unbuttoning the long coat, keeping her eyes on Kaji's as she worked.

"Whoa," he said quickly, "Rei, what are you doing?"

Rei met his gaze steadily, letting her arms fall to her sides and allowing the coat to slip off of her shoulders, revealing her naked body underneath.

"Spreading my wings…"

Kaji averted his eyes. "This isn't really what I meant, Rei," he whispered. "You should go home before…"

He trailed off as Rei took a step forward and set her hand on top of his, her eyes fixed on her own knuckles as she murmured, "If a bird cannot fly… her parents will leave her to die. That is the way of the world. No matter how safe the nest, it will eventually be left. I cannot… I _will_ not allow fear to lead me any longer, Mister Kaji. If I do not spread my wings now, I will never have the courage again. Help me fly."

Letting out a long sigh, Kaji leaned forward, reaching down and grasped the coat firmly in his hands. Slowly, he drew it up her lithe body, gazing into her eyes until she was covered once more, then rising to his feet and wrapping his arms around her to pull her close to him.

"There's more than one way to fly, Rei," he said quietly as she awkwardly returned his embrace. "This isn't right for you and me."

"I see," Rei said softly, "forgive me. I was under the impression that, since you showed concern for my wellbeing… that you cared for me."

Kaji leaned back, touching his lips lightly to the confused teen's temple. "I do care for you," he said simply, "that's why I can't do this."

"…I don't understand."

"It's complicated," Kaji admitted, nodding as Rei stared up into his eyes. "But please believe that sleeping with me would not make you happy."

Bowing her head, Rei replied, "Then what will, Mister Kaji? The Commander sees me as his tool… Ikari fears me – I saw that when I attempted to speak to him the other day… the Second, and Doctor Akagi, despise me… all others disregard me. Where, then, may I seek comfort? Who am I to come to, should I feel afraid?" Her voice lowered to a mere whisper as she concluded, "Who, on this Earth… may I love…? Love is what makes the world go around – that is the saying, correct? Where is my love to be found, Mister Kaji…?"

Silence reigned for a moment as Kaji considered the question… knowing he could never answer it properly.

Finally, he rubbed his face with one hand, using the other to grab Rei's wrist.

"Come with me."

Obediently, Rei followed him into the bedroom, saying nothing as he led her to the side of the bed and took her by the shoulders, guiding her to sit on the edge of his mattress.

"Now," Kaji said quietly, "tell me what you feel. Not what you _think_… just what you feel."

Rei closed her eyes as the man gently touched the side of her face, cradling her cheek in the palm of his hand. "Warmth," she murmured, tilting her head slightly to allow for more contact.

"And now?"

Kaji felt more than heard the sharp intake of breath as he eased the front of Rei's coat open and softly caressed a different part of her body.

"Pleasure."

The breath froze in the First Child's lungs, though, as Kaji moved his hand up, his powerful fingers wrapping unhesitatingly around her slender neck, encompassing it almost completely.

"Now…?"

"…fear."

Slowly, Rei opened her eyes, looking up into Kaji's face as he stared down at her. "Fear one second," he whispered, pulling his hand back and gently running his fingers over her fragile throat, "pleasure the next." He held his hand up, showing her the palm. "It's the same hand, Rei… all that dictates what it makes you feel is my will. Being close to people isn't all it seems – sometimes we hurt each other without even knowing it… and I'm one of the worst people for that, believe me."

Kneeling at the side of the bed, Kaji pulled Rei's coat tighter around her slim body, taking her hands lightly in his and peering earnestly into her deep red eyes. "I _do_ care about you," he said bluntly, "even though we haven't interacted all that much, I've still gotten to know quite a bit about you, and I really do like you, Rei… but I'm not the kind of person that can be here for you every day, and welcome you home, and ask how your day was, and be intimate with you. I'm just no good at those kinds of things – ask Katsuragi… she had to run off to some other guy, even though I was ready to promise her everything."

As he drew a breath to continue, Rei spoke.

"Let me stay here."

Kaji scrubbed a hand over his face, glancing at the clock and wondering why he was trying to explain intimacy to an emotionally stunted teenager at one-forty-five in the morning. "I don't think I have a choice," he sighed. "I'm surprised you didn't get raped and murdered on the way over here in that getup – God only knows if you'll be as lucky on the way home." Rising to his feet, he concluded, "The bed's pretty big, so you should have plenty of room. I'll sleep in the living room, and drive you home in the morning."

As he turned to leave, Rei's hand slowly reached out and touched his.

"I mean I want to _stay_… here…" she whispered clearly. "I do not wish to be alone anymore, Mister Kaji. You are the only one I am comfortable enough with to ask this of."

A faint smile appeared at the corners of Kaji's lips as he imagined what kind of expression the Commander's face would have if he could hear his most prized possession asking to live with a man she hardly knew. "I don't think that would work out," he said gently, "now get some sleep."

Rei continued to hold his hand.

"I do not often say please," she said quietly – her tone indicating that this was simple fact, "but I am fully prepared to beg, Mister Kaji. I will kneel, if that will please you."

"No," Kaji said quickly, putting a hand on her shoulder as she started to rise to her feet, "No, don't kneel, don't beg – _God_, don't beg! Umm… huh…" he rubbed his chin, trying to decide what to do next. "Look," he said carefully, "it's late… I'm tired, you're tired. Let's talk about this in the morning, alright? Sleep here tonight, and we'll discuss more in the morning."

Rei considered this for a moment before finally releasing Kaji's hand. "I…"

With sudden understanding, Kaji murmured, "You've never said thank you, have you…?"

Averting her eyes, Rei shook her head. "Once," she said quietly. "Only once."

Abruptly, Kaji clapped hands, making Rei jump slightly as he boomed, "Well if you stay here, you'll need to say it more – I like feeling like I'm appreciated!" Grinning broadly to break the somber mood, he added, "And you should smile sometimes… even if you don't stay here. If you can smile, things have a way of feeling a lot better than they are."

"I will… try."

Rolling his eyes, Kaji muttered, "Hopeless. Fine, I'm going to bed. Sleep well, Rei, I'll see you in the morning."

"…Mister Kaji?"

"Hmm?"

"Th-thank you."

"You're welcome," Kaji said seriously, resting his hand lightly on the top of the girl's bowed head. "It must be hard for you even being here… I admire you, Rei."

To this, Rei had no reply, though Kaji noticed that her cheeks were tinged with a faint hint of rose.

"Sleep well."

"Mister Kaji?"

"Hmm?"

"…never mind."

Giving her head a gentle pat, Kaji slipped out of the room, closing the door behind him and leaning against it with a weary sigh. Tomorrow, he decided, was going to be a long day. There was no way the First Child – of all people – could live with a full-time spy.

It just would not work out.

Imagine if she accidentally stumbled on some well-hidden information, or got curious about where he was going late one night? Granted, having this particular Child in his house, where he could get close to her and earn enough confidences for her to divulge any secrets she might have, _was_ tempting… but the risks were simply too great. She would have to go.

Kaji yawned, rubbing his bleary eyes.

Tomorrow… he would let her down tomorrow.

Continued…

Author's notes: now… it gets complicated…

No pre-reader.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377(at-sign)yahoo(dot)com.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 4

Rei woke in the pale light of dawn, sitting up in Kaji's bed and glancing around to get her bearings. She was one of those few people blessed with a short 'wake up time,' meaning that once she was awake, she was fully conscious. She never blundered around her apartment, she was never bleary when she was woken by a call, and she never nodded off in school.

For her, there was only wakefulness and sleep – no in-between.

What had roused her this time was a knock at Kaji's front door. Glancing at the clock on the far wall, Rei found that it was exactly 7:15 AM, well past her usual wake up time of 6:30, but still early enough to get things done – even on a weekend. Normally, she would have stayed in bed until whoever was at the door left, but the uncomfortable nagging in her midsection told her that she needed to use the bathroom quite badly.

Getting out of bed, she padded to the door and peered around, spotting Kaji as he moved towards the front door, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Rei had not taken much time to note the layout of the apartment, so she was not entirely sure where the bathroom was, but she hoped it was not within sight of the front of the apartment.

She really did have to go.

Unfortunately, the door to the bathroom was across the hall from her… and anyone looking through the front door would be able to see her easily. With a sigh, Rei stood still, refocusing her mind as the Commander had trained her and pushing thoughts of the bathroom from her mind. Hopefully, whoever was at the door would be gone soon, and she would be free to hurry to the bathroom.

Things did not go Rei's way.

"Coming," Kaji yawned as he reached the door, "just hang on a… oh… hi."

"Morning," Rei heard a bright, very familiar female voice exclaim, "I wanted to surprise you – how did I do?"

"Er, great," Kaji said honestly, "did umm… you come all the way over here just to see me…?"

The woman laughed. "Uh huh," she said happily, "and I brought some bagels and coffee too – I thought we could watch a movie or something while we ate them. You're off today, right?"

Kaji shifted uncomfortably, resisting the urge to look back over his shoulder at the bedroom and praying with all his might that Rei would stay put. "Now's… not a great time," he said lamely, "the house is a mess, and-"

"Oh it is not," the woman cut in, starting to sound petulant, "I can see it from-" the woman cut herself off. "…is someone with you?" she asked suddenly, sounding rather hurt. "I umm, I know we never… you know, said we couldn't, but I kinda thought…"

Rei tilted her head in an attempt to listen better as Kaji stammered, "It's… not like that. Come on in, I just… need to tidy up a little."

Life, as many people can tell you, has a way of tripping up your best laid plans. As Kaji turned away from the door and made a beeline for the bedroom, his visitor stepped into the apartment and started to shrug off the light jacket she was wearing to block out the light drizzle falling outside. At the same time, Rei took a discrete step back, understanding that her presence would be very hard to explain.

The movement, of course, drew the woman's attention… and her eyes locked with Rei's.

"Oh… my… God…"

Kaji winced, turning around and raising his hands. "I can explain," he said quickly, trying to position himself between the two women. "This is _not_ what it looks like – I swear to God."

The woman stepped closer, the shock on her face unmistakable as she murmured, "She's… naked, Kaji… why is she naked if this 'isn't what it looks like'?"

Though his back was to her, Rei could almost sense the man's face going pale. "She sleeps that way," he said hoarsely, "not that I'd know that for sure! She slept in there, and I slept on the couch!"

Seeing no point in lurking in the shadows, Rei opened the bedroom door the rest of the way and came out. "It is as Mister Kaji says," she whispered simply, "good morning, Miss Ibuki."

Maya averted her eyes, embarrassed by Rei's nudity. "R-Rei," she stammered, "good, umm… good morning."

Kaji snatched the blanket he had been sleeping on off of the couch and draped it over Rei's shoulders. "Let me explain," he said softly.

The expression on the technician's face was dubious as Kaji quickly outlined the reason for Rei's (naked) presence in his apartment… but when she turned to the First Child for confirmation, some of the tension drained out of her countenance. "Is that true?" she asked bluntly, biting her lip as Rei gave her a silent nod. "Oh, umm… sorry…"

Since the matter was resolved, in her eyes, Rei turned on her heel and headed into the bathroom without a backward glance, leaving the two adults alone.

"I… I'm sorry," Maya said abruptly, keeping her eyes on the floor as her cheeks flushed with color.

"No, it's ok," Kaji said quickly, "I mean… it _does_ look pretty bad."

Nodding, Maya gave a weak grin. "I'll say," she said with some relief, "I mean, I know you like younger women… I just didn't think you liked them _that_ young!"

"You're not that much younger than me," Kaji pointed out, his tone showing relief now that the misunderstanding had been resolved.

Maya leaned against the wall, glancing briefly at the bedroom door before looking quickly away.

She had not ventured into that particular domain as of yet… but after a month of clandestine meetings and secret dates with the handsome man in front of her, the temptation was getting fairly strong. He was good to her – a quality she had not managed to find in a boyfriend for some time – and he was always very attentive to anything she had to say… especially where the EVAs were concerned.

Giving him an awkward smile, she pushed away from the wall and leaned on his shoulder instead. "Guess I should have called first, huh?" she said weakly, closing her eyes as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"All's well that ends well," Kaji said lightly, "that's the old saying, right?"

As Maya nodded, Kaji took the opportunity to reflect on their 'relationship.' As the number two technician at NERV, Lieutenant Ibuki had access to quite a bit of privileged information – information Kaji was very keen on having. He hated to think of it as using the woman… but no matter how he turned it over in his mind, that was the end result. He liked Maya fine – she was definitely one of the sweetest people Kaji had ever met – but she was a little on the clueless side when it came to knowing what motivated people and what made the world go around, and in Kaji's experience, sweet, clueless people tended to be the ones that got hurt first and suffered the most damage.

"So," Maya said after a moment of quiet, "you're going to let her stay, right?"

Kaji snorted. "You're kidding, right?" he muttered, "She can't stay here, Ibuki – there's more reasons than I can count why it's a bad, bad idea."

Maya frowned. "I know," she mumbled, "but there's also a bunch of reasons why it would be really good – like the fact that it's the _right_ thing to do."

If there was one thing Kaji hated, it was the blanket 'it's the right thing to do' statement. He always wanted to know why and how it would be right. Yes, Rei was lonely, but that in and of itself did not make her moving in the right thing to do, did it?

Besides, the Commander would never hear of it.

Before he could point this fact out, he caught sight of Rei standing in the hallway. She seemed suddenly very small, especially with the blanket wrapped around her like a cloak, obscuring her shape to the point that one could not even tell if it was a girl or a boy. Wouldn't that be easy, he thought suddenly – if she was a boy, it would be much less of an issue. Yes, it would still be a pilot, but far fewer eyebrows would be raised by him taking in, oh, say, Shinji.

But a teenage pilot who happened to be a _girl_ living under his roof?

Kaji could not see how that would go over well with anyone.

"Umm," Maya hummed suddenly, "Rei? Where are your clothes?"

"At home," Rei replied immediately.

Maya looked taken aback.

Kaji had deliberately neglected to mention that the teenager had come over to seduce him.

Slowly, Maya drew in a deep breath, holding it for a long minute before releasing it in a rush and quickly blurting, "You can stay with me, Rei."

"What are you doing?" Kaji murmured, turning to stare down at Maya. "Ibuki, it's not as easy as saying 'come on over,' there are other factors involved."

Maya nodded. "I know that," she said carefully, "but think about what sending her back to that awful apartment would mean to her. She's put her whole life in your hands… take the chance that you can make it better, Kaji, please."

Heaving a sigh, Kaji opened his mouth to repeat his objections, but before he could speak, he noticed Rei staring at him. Her words 'I will beg' echoed in his mind as he looked into her gorgeous red eyes. "I'm done talking about this," he said slowly, "Rei, you can stay here for the afternoon, but probably not any longer than that. Unless someone can show me an _excellent_ reason to allow you to stay here, you're going to have to go home. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mister Kaji," Rei replied calmly.

"Outstanding." Kaji said smartly. "Now, I'm going to get more clothes on, and find something for you to wear, since you can't go running around naked."

Turning away, he gestured to Maya and started towards his bedroom.

"Have a bagel."

( 0 0 0 )

Rei sat on Kaji's couch and waited for someone to tell her what to do. At her apartment, she would have been doing homework on a Sunday, or possibly taking an early morning nap, as rest was always at a premium in her life. Now, nearly drowning in a huge sweatshirt and a pair of jeans cinched tight around her waist with an old belt, she found that without direction, she really had no idea of what to do.

Maya had tried to start a conversation with her several times, but Rei was not terribly interested in talking to the technician.

She did not know or care for the older woman in any way, and until that very morning, had never spared her a second thought after exiting the entry plug and leaving NERV central. Now she was sharing bagels with her and trying not to sit too close as the woman idly flipped through the channels on Kaji's TV.

Kaji himself had insisted on a shower, citing an old adage about a bath cleansing the mind and body and leaving the two women to their own devices.

It was rather awkward.

"So," Maya said suddenly, startling herself with how loud her voice came out, "umm, can you keep this a secret? Me and Kaji, I mean."

Rei nodded, chewing the bite of bagel in her mouth before replying, "Yes. Will you do the same for my being here?"

"Of course, of course," Maya said quickly, looking visibly relieved. "It's… kind of nerve-wracking, you know?" she laughed. "I've always kept my private life private, so it's hard to keep a secret like the fact that I'm dating a guy up at work from getting out."

Considering her bagel (which she was secretly finding very, very tasty) Rei absently murmured, "It will not be hard, Miss Ibuki."

"Oh?" Maya wondered. "And why is that?"

"Because most of the bridge technicians believe that you are a lesbian."

Maya nearly dropped her coffee.

"O-oh?" she stammered, her smile going rigid and fixed as she casually whispered, "who… says that?"

Rei sensed the change in the atmosphere. Slowly raising her head, she said, "I've spoken rudely. My apologies."

"No," Maya said quickly, "I don't mind. Well, I mean, I do, but… I've heard it from other people too. I just want to know who's saying it now."

"I do not know their names," Rei replied after a moment of silence.

"What shift are they on?" Maya pressed carefully. "Can you describe them?"

"Describe who?"

Maya jumped. "God, Kaji! You scared me!"

"Didn't mean too," Kaji shrugged, reaching over the back of the couch and swiping a bagel from the bag on the coffee table. "What are you guys talking about?"

Rei opened her mouth to tell him, but Maya quickly jumped in. "We were just talking about clothes," the tech lied, "Rei was going to describe a pair of pants she liked."

Kaji, who was very well versed in the arts of deception, smiled indulgently. "Is that right?" he said lightly, taking a bite of his bagel as he dried the inside of one ear with the corner of his towel. "I thought you didn't have any preferences, Rei."

Maya's eyes were pleading… but Rei was not normally one for dishonesty. She was not, however, above using misdirection or distraction to avoid answering questions she did not feel like answering.

It was something she was quite used to.

"I did not say that," she murmured smoothly, "I said I do not have many preferences."

"Ah," Kaji nodded sagely, "I see. Well, if you have a taste for a certain pair of pants, why do I always see you in your school uniform?"

Rei's answer was succinct.

"Because that is what I prefer."

"Touché…"

"Kaji," Maya said hesitantly, "are you… going to let Rei stay here for a while?"

Kaji folded his arms over his chest.

"Didn't I say no?"

Maya rose to her feet, smoothing her skirt as she stared down at the floor. "I meant what I said, Kaji," she whispered. "If you won't take her in, I will."

"My," Kaji said sardonically, "you're feisty when Akagi's not breathing down your neck."

The technician flushed, and Rei could tell that a soft spot had been struck.

"Rei," Maya said lightly, "let's go buy those pants you were talking about."

"I-"

"Come on, I'll buy… and we can go to my place when we're done. I have a pullout couch."

Hesitantly, Rei rose to her feet.

This was not what she had envisioned when she had boarded the train last night… not at all. Then again, nothing since arriving at Kaji's apartment and speaking her mind had gone as she had planned, so why should this be any different? She did not want to stay with Miss Ibuki… she wanted to stay here, with Kaji – the person that understood and accepted her.

What did Miss Ibuki have to offer her?

"I… would like to stay here."

Both adults stared at Rei as if she had grown an extra arm.

"Did you… not hear this whole conversation?" Kaji asked after a moment of silence. "I can't have you stay here! The Commander would lose his mind, not to mention the fact that it's _completely_ inappropriate!"

"The Commander doesn't have to know," Maya said quietly, "we-"

"The Commander _will_ know," Kaji cut in sharply, "or haven't you noticed that he knows every damn thing? If you needed to take a bathroom break, he'd be there with toilet paper, muttering about how you should hurry back to your station as soon as possible. Believe me – he knows everything that happens at NERV, and with my luck, he's probably standing outside the door, waiting for me to come out and get the paper so he can 'have a chat' with me about harboring the First Child!"

"He's not a god!" Maya protested. "And it's Rei's choice, not his – why would he care where she stays?"

Kaji laughed. "Oh Ibuki," he chuckled, shaking his head ruefully as Rei carefully studied the carpet, "you really, _really_ don't know what's going on, do you…?"

Maya's irritation at Kaji's stubbornness was derailed by the sudden, very sharp realization that there was more going on with Rei than she could see. She regarded the First Child for a long, long moment, trying to see what it was that she had missed, but all she saw was the same, quiet little girl she had seen for the past three years.

"I'll talk to him."

Kaji's laughter died a rather gruesome death. "Are you insane?" he breathed. "_You_ – you, who can't even ask for a day off without getting sweaty palms – are going to ask the Commander of NERV to let Rei stay with me?"

Maya nodded, keeping her eyes focused on the floor as she whispered, "If that's what it takes, Kaji, yes. She's fourteen years old – _fourteen!_ …she shouldn't have to be lonely."

"No," Kaji sighed, rubbing his eyes, "she shouldn't, but-"

"This is right," Maya said quietly, rubbing her upper arms as a sudden chill ran through her. "You know it is, Kaji. Please… for me. Let her stay…"

Kaji threw his hands up in disgust. "Fine, fine," he said angrily, "but if you ever pull the 'do it for me' card again, I'll laugh in your face… you've used all your favors for at least a month." Turning to Rei he said, "As for you… there are conditions for you staying here."

Rei nodded. "Name them."

"One," Kaji said briskly, "permission, from the Commander, in writing."

"Alright…"

"Two… make some damn friends."

"…pardon?"

"Friends," Kaji repeated, "you said you wanted to change? Fine, I'll help you, but you have to do something besides shacking up here and drinking my orange juice. Tomorrow, you start making friends at school."

"But I… do not know how," Rei pointed out. "Only Ikari has showed me any attention, and he is scared of me."

This caught Maya rather off guard, and she let out a small, "Aww!"

"You say that everyone disregards you," Kaji reminded the First, ignoring Maya's interruption, "but what have you done to earn their attention? It's a two-way street, Rei – people aren't going to throw themselves at you and beg for your friendship… especially not when you ignore everyone and stare out that damn window all day every day."

"How do you know that I-"

"That's the deal," Kaji cut her off, "make friends by the end of the week, get the Commander's approval, and the couch – oh yes, the couch, I want my bed back – is all yours." He waved a hand. "Now go shopping with Ibuki or something… I'm gonna eat this bagel, read my paper, and pray that Section Two isn't on the way here to sanction me for having you in my house all night."

Smiling triumphantly, Maya gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "You're so good," she whispered.

Kaji dropped himself onto the couch. "Shows what you know," he muttered, "now go… go buy Rei her pants, and throw the paper in so I don't have to go get it."

Maya did as she was asked, her steps light as she tossed the paper in and called, "Come on, Rei – let's get going."

Rei nodded, but held back until Maya was out of earshot before whispering, "Thank you for doing this, Mister Kaji."

"Oh don't thank me," Kaji snorted, grabbing his remote and clicking on a gameshow, "your life just got harder than you can imagine. You'll be back in your apartment in a week."

Bowing, Rei whispered, "We shall see…"

Silently, she took her leave.

As soon as she was out the door, Kaji was off the couch, snapping the TV off and reaching for his laptop in the vain hope that there was something he could hold over the Commander as his imagination provided him graphic details of what was going to happen to him when Rei left the man's office.

"I am sooo dead…"

Continued…

Author's notes: and so the gears begin to mesh.

Still not being pre-read.

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at)yahoo(dot)com.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 5

Horaki.

Of course it would have to be Horaki.

Rei closed her eyes as she dipped her head under the showerhead, wondering why she had even wasted time considering other alternatives. Horaki had vied for her friendship before – several times, according to Nagi – so it should be a simple matter of approaching the class rep and stating that she was now interested in being friends.

It was practically a done deal.

With that topic out of her mind, Rei turned her attention to the other task at hand – convincing the Commander to let her stay with Mister Kaji.

_I will present it to him logically,_ she mused as she rubbed shampoo into her hair. _I will have a guardian – not that I have ever required one, but it will take some strain off of Section Two. It will not interfere with Complementation, or EVA, so that will not be an issue. Hmm… it will be a complicated discussion, but I believe the Commander will see my side eventually._

Rinsing the shampoo from her hair, Rei considered the other bottle Miss Ibuki had purchased her on their little shopping trip.

Conditioner.

What a waste of time.

She had used it before, contrary to what Miss Ibuki seemed to believe, as she had given Rei instructions on how to use the stuff… but Rei simply did not normally see the need for 'shiny, lustrous, manageable hair,' as the bottle put it. Most days, she just washed, combed, and went about her business.

She did not even own a hairdryer.

With a sigh, Rei picked up the conditioner and squirted some into her hand. It would not hurt to be a bit more presentable, considering that she was seeking favors that day… besides which, she was guiltily enjoying the pressure of Kaji's shower. Her own tiny stall had never produced more than a sullen spritz, so by comparison, Kaji's was like standing under a waterfall.

_I will need to see if mine can be repaired,_ she mused as she waited for the conditioner to do its job. _It is not frivolous – greater water pressure means less washing time._

Once she felt that her hair was 'manageable' enough, Rei washed the conditioner out of it and stepped out of the shower. She dried her hair, as she usually did, and draped the towel over her shoulders, as she usually did, making her way – at a sedate pace – towards the bedroom, where the clothes Miss Ibuki had purchased her were waiting.

The results of this action, naturally, should have been foreseen.

"Hey," Kaji said as he looked up from his laptop, "What time do you have to go? I can give you a raaahhh! What the hell are you _doing_?"

Rei blinked as the man shot to his feet and whipped around, turning his back on her and flushing a most interesting shade of red.

"I am going to get dressed."

Without looking, Kaji stuck his arm out behind himself, waving a finger in Rei's general direction. "That," he sputtered, "that is what I'm talking about when I say you being here is not appropriate!"

Rei frowned. "I do not underst-"

"The towel goes _around_ your body when you leave the bathroom," Kaji cut in sharply. "God damn it, I think my nose is bleeding…"

"Why would your nose bl-"

"Don't ask silly questions! Is that towel around you yet?"

"No."

"Get it that way!"

Realizing finally why the man was so unnerved, Rei slowly wrapped the towel around herself.

"I am sorry."

Kaji kept his eyes facing the other way, just to be sure. "It's not a _big_ deal," he mumbled, "just… try to remember that there's someone else here, alright?"

"I will," Rei said quietly, wondering why the man was so bent out of shape.

He had seen her naked the day before, after all, and it did not seem to affect him that much then.

Still musing over this duality, Rei silently padded into the bedroom to get dressed.

On their shopping trip, Miss Ibuki had insisted on paying for everything, pooh-poohing Rei's repeated observations that she had money of her own and buying the First several outfits, including a new school uniform made of higher-grade material. Rei had never cared all that much what she was wearing, other than taking the time to ensure that it was clean and free of holes, but Miss Ibuki had been quite scandalized when the girl had picked out a simple rayon jumper and a cheap, low-thread count shirt.

Before Rei quite knew what had happened, her own selection had been replaced by a smooth, wool skirt and a shirt whose fabric was so tightly woven that Rei was sure it would hold water.

_So wasteful._

Sliding into the shirt, however, Rei found that there really was a difference. Instead of coarse threads rubbing her skin, she found smooth, silky cotton cradling her almost as gently as LCL. Staring thoughtfully at the sleeve of the high-grade shirt, she idly wondered if she should not have taken Miss Ibuki up on her offer to stop at the lingerie shop.

Once she was dressed, finding her new jumper just as comfortable as the shirt, Rei made her way into the kitchen. "I would like to contribute to your grocery fund," she said calmly, wrinkling her nose ever so slightly as she found Kaji spreading mayonnaise on a bologna sandwich.

Kaji sighed, scraping the knife around the edge of the mayonnaise jar – a noise that somehow managed to send spikes of discomfort directly into the center of Rei's brain. "First off," he said lightly, "we're not sure you're even staying. Second off, I usually eat out, so anything you're gonna buy, it'll pretty much be for you anyway, so whatever. Third off," he tossed the knife into he sink, giving Rei a wry smile as he concluded, "do you always have to talk like that?"

"I am… sorry?"

"You sound like a robot," Kaji said flatly, "throw some contractions in every now and then, you know? That's, instead of that is… it's, instead of it is… stuff like that."

Rei smoothed a wrinkle on her skirt. "Someone at school complimented my manner of speech the day before yesterday," she pointed out quietly. "It is the way I have always spoken."

"It's."

"Pardon?"

"_It's_ the way _I've_ always spoken," Kaji said, emphasizing the differences. "You try it."

"I would rather not."

"_I'd_ rather not… or better yet, I don't want to."

Glancing at her watch, Rei murmured, "I should be going… the train passes the closest station in thirty minutes."

"Eh, have a sandwich," Kaji shrugged, giving up on trying to get the girl to loosen up. "I'll take you."

Rei glanced at the table, frowning slightly as she noticed two small jars she had not seen when she first came into the kitchen.

"Did you… purchase those for me…?"

Kaji shook his head, taking a large bite of his sandwich as he replied, "Nah, I had them already… but you keep going on and on about disliking meat and whatnot, so I figured peanut butter and jelly would be about the only thing I've got that you could eat." He wiped a bit of mayo off of the corner of his mouth. "Is there anything else you can't eat? I have cereal, too, but I didn't know if you could drink milk."

"It is not that I cannot eat meat," Rei informed him, pulling two slices of bread out and setting them on the plate Kaji had thoughtfully provided. "I simply prefer not to."

"Oh?" Kaji said curiously. "Why's that?"

Carefully spreading peanut butter on her bread, Rei slowly replied, "I do not think you would like to know while you are eating. I will tell you another time, if you would like."

Regarding his sandwich for a moment, Kaji shrugged. "I have a pretty strong stomach, but I'll ask you later." Rising to his feet, he dug into his pocket with his unoccupied hand. "Here," he said, "found my spare key. You'll have to find your own way home from school. I'll be working late, so let yourself in."

Rei took the key and slipped it into her pocket. "I will have your written permission from the Commander waiting for you when you get home."

"A bold statement," Kaji mused, arching an eyebrow, "you've known the Commander longer than I have, of course, so maybe you can read his moods better, but I think you're in for more of a fight than you realize." Picking a fragment of bread off of his shirt, Kaji absently murmured, "How long _have_ you known the Commander, by the way? I know that he used to be your guardian… have you known him your whole life? …did he know your parents? I mean, they must have died when you were very young – they're not even listed in the MAGI."

Closing the peanut butter and jelly, Rei truthfully replied, "Yes, I have known the Commander my entire life, and he had very close ties to my parents, though he does not speak of them much… and you are correct – they did die when I was very young. I do not even remember them."

While this was all fact, Rei neglected, of course, to mention that her 'parents' were really test tubes in a laboratory now long destroyed, and that Gendou Ikari _was_ for all intents and purposes, her father. It was he that ordered her creation, it was he that reared her, and it was he that taught her the ways of the world, advising her to hold her secrets very close to her vest and trust no one but him.

In spite of this, Rei trusted Kaji… to an extent. He was kind to her, interested in her wellbeing, and gave her a sense of comfort she could not quite explain. She knew of the dual nature of his employ, of course – she had far greater security clearance than most people knew… but she was not about to advertise this fact.

Living with him, she knew, would be a complicated dance of incremental give and take coupled with partial truths and obfuscation.

…oddly, she was looking forward to it.

Kaji knew that the girl had managed to dodge giving him any real information, and slammed the door on asking about her parents by saying the Commander didn't talk about them much. He could not say, 'Hey, why not grill him about it – you're curious too, right?' Rei, as far as he could tell, was _not_, in fact, curious about anything, least of all her lineage.

The first round, it seemed to him as he watched the girl take a delicate bite of her sandwich, had been lost.

_But the war is just beginning,_ he thought craftily. _Even when the Commander says no, I'm sure I can get a few minor details out of you when we 'accidentally' bump into each other on the elevators. We're buddies now, you and I…_

Pleased that something good would come of this whole debacle, Kaji finished his sandwich and gathered up his things, driving Rei to school with a feeling of triumph he had not felt since showing Misato the dangerous truth hiding behind Heaven's Door.

Yes, it was going to be a fine day.

( 0 0 0 )

Eating her lunch, which was peanut butter and jelly again (she would definitely have to do some shopping after she spoke to the Commander), Rei watched Hikari for an opportune time to speak to the girl.

_I was not aware she was so… popular…_

Other students clustered around the class rep's desk like flies drawn to a dollop of honey, generating an energetic buzz as they all talked and gossiped and laughed, a phenomenon Rei could honestly say she had never wanted to participate in. The frivolities of youth, as the Commander put it, were wasteful – especially to one such as her. They were distracting and pointless, he had told her, and served no purpose other than to waste time.

Finishing her sandwich, it occurred to Rei that that Commander had been subtly discouraging her from making friends her entire life.

_His reasoning is sound,_ she thought, rising to her feet as the students finally left the class rep to her lunch. _It would not do to have me distracted when the time for Instrumentality came… but I do not think that making at least one friend will be detrimental – and Mister Kaji was very clear on his conditions._

"Miss Horaki?"

Hikari looked up from her bento.

"Oh, hey Ayanami," she said cheerfully, "what do you need?"

Rei, who never beat around the bush if she did not have to, said, "I would like to be your friend now."

Unfortunately for her, she should have checked her surroundings.

"Were you _ordered_ to?"

Glancing around, Rei found Asuka standing directly behind her.

"Souryu."

"So, Wondergirl," the redhead said dryly, "is that what happened? Did the Commander give you an order to make some friends so you won't be so damn boring?"

"Guys," Hikari said awkwardly, "people are staring…"

"So?" Asuka snorted. "Let them. I really want to know what Der First has to say."

"It does not concern you," Rei said dismissively, "I am talking to Horaki."

Asuka's face darkened, but before she could speak, Hikari whispered, "Ayanami… please, you're making a scene."

"But I-"

"Ayanami," Hikari cut in, her voice taking on an edge that Rei had not heard before, "please… I don't want to have this discussion with you, alright?"

"I… do not understand…"

"You wouldn't," Asuka snorted, turning away from the First and returning to her desk, "You're too stupid."

Rei lingered at Hikari's desk for a moment longer, but as the class rep completely ignored her presence, she was finally forced to walk back to her own desk and sit down. Understanding eluded her entirely. Horaki had tried several times to be her friend, hadn't she? Now when she wanted to reciprocate, Rei found herself denied – no, rebuked – by the brown-haired girl.

Why?

It did not make sense…

"Everybody rise," Hikari called out as the teacher returned, "bow… be seated…"

Rei remained in her seat, not out of lack of respect for their teacher, but out of simple, stunned confusion.

This was not the way things were supposed to go.

Hikari was supposed to say yes.

Slowly lowering her chin into her palm, Rei turned her head and glanced out the window.

She had much to think about.

Continued…

Author's notes: none.

Still not being pre-read.

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at)yahoo(dot)com.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 6

Rei had never much liked the Commander's office. It was dark, and gloomy, and just ever so slightly too cold to be comfortable. Rei suspected (quite accurately) that the Commander arranged all of this to instill fear and disquiet in those that dared enter the room, an explanation that also accounted for why his desk was so far from the door.

If you came to visit Gendou Ikari, it would be an effort.

Not for Rei, of course – things like physical discomfort and intimidation really did not bother her all that much.

The Commander glanced up as Rei entered his office, setting his papers aside and waiting for her to explain the intrusion. Quietly, the First approached his desk, setting a single sheet of paper in front of him and taking a polite step back.

She had written the request herself, keeping it very simple and to the point, and had come to the Commander's office fully prepared to defend her position and convince him that letting her stay with Mister Kaji would be for the best.

_I must be firm,_ she thought as the Commander lifted the paper a bit higher, allowing the light to hit it better and scanning its contents with a completely blank expression. _I must address his concerns on inappropriateness, battle readiness, and my commitment to Instrumentality. It is not an act of rebellion, it is an act of enrichment – that is acceptable, correct? I only wish to enjoy my life while it is mine… I will still be his when the time for Complementation arrives._

The silence in the office stretched on as the Commander lifted his eyes from the text on the page, gazing inscrutably over the top of the paper at Rei's patient face. Slowly, he lowered the paper to his desk, lacing his fingers together and continuing to regard the First as she braced herself for the upcoming verbal battle.

_I will be strong,_ she told herself, feeling her resolve waver under the Commander's cool, uncompromising stare. _It is… not improper to wish for more, is it? I would…_

Rei's thoughts trailed off as the Commander turned his attention back to the paper, rereading it… and then slowly reaching into his desk drawer to pull out a pen. The soft scratch of ball-point on wood pulp seemed sharp and harsh to Rei's ears as the Commander scrawled his signature and set the pen aside.

Closing the drawer, he pushed the paper across the desk to Rei, tapping it to indicate – as if she was not watching his every move – that he was done with it before picking up one of the other myriad papers on his desk.

The conversation, such as it was, seemed to be over.

Rei opened her mouth, confused by this inexplicably easy victory… but the Commander chose that moment to raise his eyes, gazing at her with an unmistakable, 'why are you still here?' expression on his face until she gathered up her paper and bowed, making her way out of the office without a backward glance.

_Victory_, she mused as she quietly closed the door, _what an odd word._

She certainly did not feel victorious.

The request for her to move into Mister Kaji's apartment was in her hands, signed by the unflappable Commander in Chief of NERV himself… yet Rei felt that somehow, she had just made a rather grave misstep, a feeling that seemed to solidify into certainty as she regarded the Commander's signature.

Hadn't he seemed annoyed, she thought with some concern, just the slightest bit?

Surely, he would not just allow his most important possession – for she had no illusions that she was anything but – to cohabitate with a known spy, would he?

It just did not make sense.

Rei glanced down at the request, scrutinizing it closely on the off chance that she had somehow taken the wrong paper… but it was clearly the right document, and it was definitely the Commander's signature.

_How… unexpected…_

Thoughtfully, she made her way through NERV central, clutching the sheaf of paper loosely in her hands as she found her way to the elevators. Catching movement from the corner of her eye, Rei lifted her head… but there was no one there. She frowned slightly, peering down the hallway as the elevator arrived with a soft ding.

She was sure she had seen Ikari from the corner of her eye.

Dismissing this idea as a trick of the mind, Rei stepped onto the elevator, still puzzling over the odd events of the day. First Horaki, and now this. Things had definitely not gone the way she thought they would.

( 0 0 0 )

Kaji pushed his door open cautiously, frowning as he fingered the pistol concealed under his jacket. "Rei?" he said quietly, "Rei are you here…?"

Wary of an attack, he slipped into the apartment, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness of the interior as he glanced around for any signs of an intruder. Shafts of moonlight leaked through the blinds on the apartment's biggest window, partially illuminating a rather disturbing scene.

Rei was sitting at the kitchen table with her head down on her arms, looking for all the world as if she had simply nodded off – a perfectly normal setup… except for the fact that the light were out and one of Rei's arms was straight out in front of her, as if she had been taken by surprise and killed while reaching desperately for the one item that could save her.

_Aww__ crap,_ Kaji thought miserably, _can someone PLEASE tell me that the First Child wasn't killed in my apartment? Please?_

He flushed slightly at the callousness of this thought.

_Wouldn't it be more important,_ he told himself sternly, _to see if she's ok, or feel bad that she might be dead? No, you just go straight in for the 'what will this do to me' vibe. What a prick._

"Rei?" he called softly, still glancing around for any sign of an intruder, "Rei, are you alright…?"

Hesitantly, he reached out, lightly touching two fingers to the back of the girl's neck.

_Still warm,_ he thought, sliding his fingers around to the side of her throat and letting out a deep sigh of relief as he found a steady, rhythmic pulse. _Oh thank god…!_

Feeling suddenly very foolish, Kaji realized that Rei probably _did_ just fall asleep with her head on the table, too tired to bother getting up as she waited for him to come home.

_God, I've been in this business too long…_

"Hey," he murmured, "hey, wake up… you're gonna get a crick in your neck if you don't go to bed."

He shook the pilot as gently as he could, not wanting to roust her too suddenly… but she did not stir, too deeply asleep, it seemed, to be bothered by his pedestrian attempts to wake her.

"Bed time," Kaji said in a firm voice, "Come on, First Child – closing time… you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here!"

He chuckled to himself at his little joke, but it turned into a sigh as the blue haired girl slept on. _Great,_ he thought dismally, _just great. First the thing with Maya, then the peep show, and now this. I swear, this kid's gonna give me a heart attack._

Quietly, he eased himself into the seat across the table, resting his cheek on his fist and taking the opportunity to study the First without worrying about things like rudeness or insecurity. She was, he determined after several moments, quite a lovely girl. Her features were delicate, but firm and well-shaped – like a china plate that had been reinforced with a thin glaze to protect its structural integrity.

Her trademark blue hair lay perfectly flat, even in slumber, giving an impression of carelessness that made Kaji think of another, darker haired woman… a woman that somehow managed to look devastating even first thing in the morning.

_Whoa now, tiger,_ he thought wryly, _comparing your underage boarder to your ex-lover? Hmm, not the best idea you've ever had…_

The smile that had surfaced on Kaji's face slowly faded away.

Katsuragi.

Thinking of her always brought pain, even when he thought of the good times. It would come as a surprise to many (definitely Maya) that Kaji could tell you the exact date and time of his last kiss with NERV's operations director.

_Wasn't all that long ago, either,_ he mused, staring at Rei's peacefully sleeping features, _I'm getting in pretty deep with Maya, trying to get to the bottom of everything that's going on here, and just starting to think that Katsuragi might give me the time of day again. Rei… now is definitely not the time for you to be in my life._

He was just about to think that it was a good thing Rei would never get the Commander's permission to live there when he noticed the piece of paper resting innocuously under Rei's hand.

"You've gotta be kidding me…!"

Kaji could literally not imagine how the First had talked the Commander into it… but the proof was right there in front of him, partially obscured by the pilot's palm, but readable nonetheless.

_How in the HELL did she get him to sign that?_

Folding his arms, Kaji regarded the sleeping Child with newfound respect.

If she had managed to make friends – a task he had considered almost as farfetched as the Commander signing a request for her to live with him – then Kaji was going to be eating a lot of crow. He could always go back on his word, he thought, scratching his chin as he frowned at the piece of paper, but he was not a going-back-on-your-word kind of guy. He was a bit deceptive, and he was not above manipulating people to get what he wanted, as Maya would be able to attest someday, but if he agreed to a deal, he stuck to it.

Had he honestly thought the First would be able to make good on his conditions, he may have added a few more.

"I'm tired, Miss Ayanami," he announced loudly, "I'm going to bed now… wake up."

Rei did not stir.

"Wake up," Kaji said a bit louder, "I'm not going to leave you just snoozing on the table, Miss Ayanami. You'll have to go to bed."

Nothing.

"I'll carry you if I have to, Miss Ayanami – I've had a long day, don't think I won't."

Still nothing.

"I warned you."

Rising to his feet, Kaji walked around the table.

"Here I come," he said brashly, "ready or not. Gonna pick you up like a ragdoll and toss you onto the couch, Rei – better wakey wakey!"

By the time he reached the girl's side, Kaji was nearly yelling.

It did no good.

"Aww come on!" he groaned, scrubbing his hands through his hair, "Rei, give me a break! You've gotta go to bed – I can't leave you like this."

_Great,_ he thought with some annoyance, _she sleeps like a corpse!_

"Well, you asked for it!"

Crouching down, Kaji slipped one arm under the girl's knees, positioning the other around her shoulders and hoisting her up out of her seat.

He hoped this would wake her, he really did… but the First simply lolled in his arms, forcing him to quickly reposition her with her head on his shoulder to avoid hurting her neck. _Maybe she's been drugged,_ he thought darkly, frowning down into the girl's face. _No one sleeps that deeply, do they?_ He stared at her longer than he meant to, again taken with how pretty she was. _Damn she's light…_

Kaji carried the girl to the sofa, marveling at how frail she seemed in the pale moonlight. He estimated that she weighed less than ninety pounds. Even as dead weight, she barely put any stress on his shoulders. She had curves – he could feel them pressing against him when she breathed – but she was so light Kaji felt like he could have run a marathon while carrying her.

"Here we go," he whispered, laying her carefully on the couch and gently pulling the hem of her skirt back down from where it had ridden up to her thighs. "I swear, you're going to be the death of me, Miss Ayanami…"

Carefully, Kaji pulled the blankets he had given the First up to cover her, bracing himself with his free hand and starting to ease his arm out from under her shoulders.

He froze as he happened to glance at the girl's face and found her staring right at him.

Completely unprepared to find the girl awake and alert, Kaji blurted the first thing that came to mind.

"You didn't lock the door."

Rei simply stared at him for a moment before whispering, "I am not used to it… my apologies."

Extricating his arm, Kaji mumbled, "Well, don't let it happen again…"

"Yes sir."

Kaji turned away as the girl reached for the buttons on her shirt.

"Can you wait until I'm in the other room before you do that?"

"Sorry…"

An uncomfortable silence lapsed as Rei leaned back on the couch.

"So," Kaji said finally, "did you… have a good day?"

"Yes," Rei replied softly. "The permission you requested is on the kitchen table."

"Yeah, I saw that."

"Oh."

"How about the other part?"

Rei averted her eyes. "I am… working on that," she said quietly. "You allowed me until the end of the week, correct?"

"That's right," Kaji nodded, "four more days, Rei."

"I understand."

"You'll have to forgive me if I'm not the best host," Kaji said dryly, rising to his feet and stretching out his back, "I'm not really used to living with other people."

Rei nodded. "Then this will be a learning experience for both of us."

Kaji laughed, shaking his head ruefully as he glanced down at the pilot. "It will be if you can make some friends," he pointed out lightly, "until then, I don't plan to learn much."

"I see."

Kaji knew he was being a bit childish, but he did not really feel inclined to stopping. _Hey,_ he reasoned, _she's the one imposing here, not me… I don't have to welcome her in with open arms – I'm doing her a favor, damn it! I-_

"Mister Kaji?"

"Hmm?"

"…thank you."

"For what?"

Rei tilted her head to the side, regarding Kaji for a long moment before whispering, "For giving me a chance to remain here. I know that it is more than most would do… and I wanted to thank you for that. Also," she shrugged slightly, "you said that I would need to say thank you a lot if I was to stay with you."

"I did say that, didn't I?" Kaji muttered. "Well, don't say it if you don't mean it… that's worse than saying I love you when you don't mean it."

"Alright."

"Good."

"Mister Kaji?"

"What is it now, Rei? I'm tired."

Rei considered the back of her hand for a moment before softly asking, "Do you love Miss Ibuki?"

Kaji just gaped. "Do I… huh?"

"Your relationship with Miss Ibuki is very interesting to me," Rei murmured, "forgive me if I am being rude by asking…"

Turning towards his room, Kaji glanced at the clock. _Two o'clock,_ he thought darkly, _God, sometimes I hate my life._

To Rei, he simply whispered, "I don't want to talk about it, Miss Ayanami… go to sleep."

Though his back was to her, Rei still nodded.

"Yes sir…"

Leaving the girl without another word, Kaji went into his room and closed the door.

_Damn it,_ he thought tiredly, _since when did I sign up to have Curious Rei sleeping under my roof? No, I don't love Miss Ibuki, you nosy little fruitcake – I'm pumping her for information, and before you get all hentai, no, not even literally. God… six months ago, I would have had that woman in bed BEGGING to tell me her secrets, and now I'm all 'oh, we don't have to rush things – I don't mind taking my time.'_

Clenching his right hand into a tight fist, Kaji finally verbalized a fear he had been living with for some time.

"I'm getting soft…"

Kaji pulled out his pocket planner, scanning the next few days and finding that Saturday night was completely clear.

Slowly closing the book, he glanced up at the ceiling.

Playtime was over… it was time to get serious.

Continued…

Author's Notes: no more author's notes for this story – they seem to somehow create expectations for what is to come, no matter how I write them, so rather than pausing after every chapter to try to drop in some faux-witty comment or build tension with cryptic comments and hints, I think I'd like to try letting the story tell itself. Wish me luck. I'll need it.

Still not being pre-read.

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at)yahoo(dot)com.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 7

Much of the week passed without incident. Rei went about her business, Kaji went about his, and rarely did their paths cross for more than a few minutes at a time. Their conversations were polite, but generally shallow, as each was preoccupied with other thoughts.

By Wednesday, Rei was starting to feel the slightest bit uncomfortable, as she had not yet managed to gather any friends. By Thursday, she was dividing her time between staring out the window (to avoid undue attention) and actively considering each and every classmate one by one in a vain attempt to find one suitable enough to approach.

When Friday came around, the First Child was treated to her very first taste of an emotion previously unknown to her.

Panic.

Admittedly, it was only the barest hint, but for Rei, it was quite a learning experience.

Desperate times, she decided, called for desperate measures.

"Souryu…?"

Asuka did not glance up from her lunch. "What?"

"May I speak with you?"

"Must you?"

"Yes."

Heaving a disgusted sigh, Asuka drove her chopsticks into her bento. "Speak then, loser," she grumbled, "but make it quick… talking to you ruins my digestion."

Rei nodded. "When you first arrived," she said carefully, "you said that you felt it would be convenient for us to be friends."

"Do you have a point here," Asuka wondered, "or is a person asking you to hang out so rare that you have to live off the memory of it happening?"

Ignoring this question, Rei murmured, "Do you still feel that it would be convenient for you?"

"Nope," Asuka said with some satisfaction, "not at all… but out of sheer, morbid curiosity – _were_ you ordered to?"

_In a sense…_

Considering her options, Rei realized that this was a do or die situation. "May I call you my friend…?"

Asuka'a laughter was unpleasant. "H… ha!" the redhead gasped, covering her mouth in an attempt to be at least mildly discreet, "you're… you're kidding, right? Do what you want, dork, I couldn't care less – just don't come over and think you're gonna hang out or anything, because I have real friends for that."

"I understand…"

As the First walked back to her desk, Shinji leaned over and murmured, "What was that about, Asuka?"

"Hell if I know," Asuka replied, stirring her food for a moment before adding, "I think she was hitting on me."

"Really?"

Asuka's hand flew out before Shinji could respond, clipping him lightly on the side of the head as she growled, "No, you idiot! I was being stupid! God!"

"Ok, ok!" Shinji groaned, rubbing his temple as he shrank back from the annoyed redhead. He hesitated for a moment, debating whether or not he should mention that the First had nearly (he was pretty sure) asked him out the week before.

_I better not,_ he thought, quickly averting his eyes as he noticed Rei glancing his way, _I don't know if she was going to ask that anyway. _He frowned slightly as he stared down at his own meal, thinking, _If__ she was… would I have said yes?_

Finding this question too complicated to tackle over lunch, Shinji decided to push it off to another time – a skill in which he was, even at his young age, a virtuoso.

( 0 0 0 )

Kaji sighed as he pushed the door to his apartment open on Friday evening. "You left it unlocked again."

Glancing up from where she was doing homework at the kitchen table, Rei murmured, "Forgive me. I am still not in the habit of using locks."

"_I'm_ still not… oh forget it."

Rei set her pencil down as Kaji closed the door, locking it firmly before turning his attention back to her. She averted her eyes as the man strode over to her, towering over her as she stared at the backs of her fingers.

"Shouldn't you be packing?"

"You are… that confident in my failure?" Rei whispered.

"Well you _did_ get the Commander's signature," Kaji admitted, "you'll have to tell me how you managed that someday… but when it comes to social interaction – and don't take this the wrong way – yeah, I think you failed."

Rei slowly closed her notebook. "Is there any other way to take that?"

Kaji smiled. "No," he said lightly, "but my mother always said, 'if you're going to insult someone, try to do it politely.'"

"I see."

"So… are you going to be packing, or keeping that spare key a while longer?"

Reaching into her pocket, Rei pulled out the spare key to the apartment, setting it on the table with a soft 'click' of metal on laminate.

"I leave that decision to you."

"Then get out."

"Yes, sir…"

Rei gave a polite bow, gathering her school things without a sound before turning for the door. As she passed him, however, Kaji murmured, "You're not even going to try to convince me to let you stay?"

"Would it make a difference?"

"…probably not."

"Then it would be a waste of both of our time."

"Humor me."

"Pardon?"

Slowly, Kaji turned to face the girl.

"Convince me to let you stay."

Considering this directive for a moment, Rei finally set her books on the back of Kaji's couch. "I have not fulfilled your requirements," she said carefully, "what else may I offer to sway your decision?"

Kaji shrugged. "I don't know," he admitted, stroking his chin thoughtfully, "I guess I just kind of wanted to see what you would come up with."

"I… do not know what else I can offer you other than my body…"

"Guh!" Kaji nearly choked. "Where the hell do you come up with this crap? First the 'naked under the coat' bit, and now, 'I'll screw you if I can stay here.' Who have you been talking to?"

Rei was unembarrassed. "I have heard of such arrangements in movies," she said calmly, "as for the coat… I am not well versed in this type of relationship, so I consulted a popular women's magazine for suggestions."

Dragging his hands over his face, Kaji groaned.

"Figures."

"Mister Kaji?"

"Hmm?"

"What is it that you are looking for?"

Kaji sighed. "Spontaneity, I guess," he shrugged. "I think, maybe, I was hoping that you weren't really what I see…"

Frowning faintly, Rei whispered, "Which is?"

Looking her straight in the eye, Kaji replied, "Well it's just like Asuka's always saying, isn't it? You do anything you're told, and when you finally do show a spark of personality, you allow it to be crushed without even putting up a fight."

"That is an unfair conclusion," Rei countered immediately, "it has taken much to allow me to see what you yourself said I should see. I have spread my wings, Mister Kaji, and I stand at the end of the nest, prepared to fly… I would-"

"God, shut up about the wings already," Kaji snorted, "it's a line, Rei – I use it to pick up women."

Rei gazed up into his eyes, her conviction unwavering as she said, "That does not make it less true. I know that it is not your obligation to take me in, especially not when I have not done as you said I must, but I… why are you smiling…?"

Kaji reached out, putting his hand lightly on top of the First's head.

"Miss Ayanami?"

"Yes…?"

"Would you do me the honor of staying here?"

More confused than ever, Rei whispered, "I do not understand…"

"Take it or leave it," Kaji shot back, "a roof over your head and my lame company are yours for the asking. Going once… going twice… go-"

"I accept."

Kaji ruffled her hair.

"Good."

Turning on his heel, the man wandered off to his bedroom, shutting the door without another word and leaving Rei in a state of confusion so profound it bordered on the abstract.

How was she supposed to react in a situation like this?

She had somehow – God alone knew how – secured her place in Mister Kaji's apartment… though what had changed the man's mind, the First Child could not fathom. There was, of course, no way for her to know that Kaji had bumped into Asuka at NERV earlier in the evening and talked to the redhead at length about everything from school to EVA. Even had she known, however, she may not have been able to grasp why, exactly, her decision not to use Asuka's careless 'do what you want' comment on the topic of friendship as leverage had impressed the man.

Indeed, had she known _all_ of the man's labyrinthine calculations, she still may not have been able to puzzle out why he had chosen to relent.

_I suppose it does not matter for the time being,_ she mused, shaking herself from her ruminations and picking her schoolwork back up off the couch. _What an odd turn of events…_

( 0 0 0 )

Saturday morning arrived with an odd sense of impending doom. Rei had tangled with the Commander – sort of – and gained his permission, and while Horaki had rejected her, leaving her unable to find a substitute, Mister Kaji was still allowing her to stay.

Something bad was bound to happen – karmic law demanded it.

"Ayanami."

Rei glanced up as Hikari approached her desk.

Now, she thought, the repercussions would begin.

"Yes?"

Hikari sat down in the seat next to Rei's. "I saw that you put in an updated address form this morning," the class rep began coolly, "moving in with a relative?"

Rei shook her head. "No," she answered, "a work associate."

"Ah," Hikari said, "I see, well, I'll have the information entered in the school's database by lunch time."

"Alright…"

The girl hesitated.

"Your new address…" she said slowly.

"Yes?"

Hikari rose to her feet, giving Rei a tiny smile. "It's only a couple blocks from my house."

Rei digested this information, trying to understand its significance.

Seeing that the blue-haired girl was not getting it, Hikari sighed. "If you'd like to walk together…"

Blinking as realization sank in, Rei nodded. "Yes," she said softly, "yes, I would like that."

"Alright," Hikari said approvingly, "I leave at about six, so I should be around your new place by six-fifteen. See you Monday." She started back towards her desk, but paused, keeping her eyes facing forward as she whispered, "Oh, and umm… I'm sorry about the other day. I didn't mean to snap at you, I just had some other stuff on my mind."

Before Rei could reply, the class rep walked away.

Rei leaned back in her seat, planting her hands flat on the desk and spreading her fingers apart like a fan.

_How… unexpected._

Though it was a bit late, Rei resolved to tell Mister Kaji about this development as soon as he arrived home from work.

She was to be disappointed as she found a note reading simply, 'don't wait up,' waiting for her on the couch.

Continued…

No pre-reader for this chapter – or any chapter. Good gravy, why do I keep noting this? Ok, let's make it simple… this story is not going to be pre-read for any chapter. There, now I won't have to say it every time.

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at)yahoo(dot)com.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 8

Sunday proved to be rather dull for Rei. Kaji had not returned home until well after she was asleep, and did not come out of his room before she had to go in for sync tests at NERV. She thought briefly of rapping on his door to tell him that she was going, but decided that if he was tired enough to sleep until mid-afternoon, he was probably not going to appreciate her waking him just to say goodbye.

She did, however, stand outside of his door and murmur, "I'm leaving."

It was basic courtesy, she decided.

The train ride was boring, as usual, and the sync test was even more so. Rei did not really mind, though. This was her role, after all, her very reason for existing.

How could she complain about that?

"You're up two points," Doctor Akagi informed her as the test reached its conclusion, "keep doing whatever it is you're doing."

"Yes ma'am."

It was far from praise, but it was the best she would ever get from the caustic blonde.

"Also… have you seen Maya around anywhere today?"

Rei frowned slightly. "No ma'am," she replied honestly, "is there a problem?"

"No, not really," Doctor Akagi replied absently, "it's just that she's been signed in for a while and I haven't seen her. I keep missing her somehow. Forget about it."

"Yes ma'am."

After her shower, Rei found that she had nowhere to go. Usually, the Commander would be somewhere in the building and they would arrange to eat together, or at the very least she would give him a status update, but like Doctor Akagi and Miss Ibuki, she could not seem to locate the Commander.

_Sub Commander Fuyutsuki informed me that the Commander is in today,_ she mused as she wandered in the general direction of the elevator banks, _but he does not seem to know where he is. How unusual…_

The idea that the Commander may be avoiding her flared briefly in the First Child's mind, but it was discarded almost as soon as it surfaced. She had done nothing to warrant his avoidance – and he was not childish enough to shut her out simply because of her choice of living quarters.

She was eighty percent certain of this last detail.

Seventy-five, at least.

Rounding a corner, Rei nearly ran into the very person Doctor Akagi was looking for. "Miss Ibuki," she said politely, "good afternoon."

"Oh, Rei," the woman said, sounding dreamy and far-off, "how are you today…?"

"I am… well," Rei replied, studying the technician closely.

Normally, Miss Ibuki looked cool and composed… but that day she seemed distracted and hazy, smiling absently to herself as she continually smoothed her shirt, looking for all the world as if she expected to meet the Queen of England any time, and wanted to make a good impression.

It was very odd.

"Are you alright, Miss Ibuki?"

"Hmm?" Maya hummed, shaking her head as if to clear it. "I'm fine, fine… I just… had an interesting weekend."

Rei nodded as if she understood – which she did not – and replied, "I see."

Biting her bottom lip, Maya glanced up and down the corridor, then beckoned Rei a bit closer. "Can you keep a secret?"

"Yes," Rei answered, wondering what the woman was being so sneaky about.

Maya leaned closer still. "I did something I shouldn't have," she whispered conspiratorially. "Don't tell anyone…"

Not knowing what, exactly, had been done, Rei would have been hard-pressed to tell anyone about it. Feeling that some reply or comment was in order, she murmured, "Well, I hope that whatever you did was… enjoyable."

This choice of words seemed to amuse Maya, as her face split into a huge grin. "That's one word for it," she sighed, leaning back against the wall and closing her eyes as if savoring a particularly pleasant memory. "Rei," she said lightly, "I know I shouldn't be saying this to you… but sometimes, doing what you're not supposed to can feel really, really good…"

"I am… glad you enjoyed your weekend, Miss Ibuki," Rei replied neutrally.

Though not a stupid girl, Rei was still naïve in many ways so the idea that the 'something' Maya should not have done was actually a some_one_ never crossed her mind.

Not then, at any rate.

"Oh," Maya said suddenly, reaching into her uniform pocket, "here, I got this for you."

Rei regarded the object for a moment, showing absolutely no indication that she had any idea what it was.

Grinning, Maya pressed it into the girl's palm. "Try it out sometime," she said warmly, "I think it's just your color."

It was time, Rei realized… time to use that awkward, unfamiliar phrase once more.

"Thank you…"

"Sure," Maya said happily, pushing away from the wall and starting off down the hallway. "Hey, if you see Kaji…"

Slipping the gift into her pocket Rei lifted her eyes. "Yes?"

"…tell him he can use my kitchen any time."

"I… will," Rei said uncertainly.

Her confusion only seemed to enhance Maya's merriment, and the woman practically skipped off down the hall, leaving the First to wonder at the behavior of the adults in her life.

( 0 0 0 )

Kaji did not open his eyes as the door to the apartment opened, then closed. "Hey honey," he called tiredly, "how was work?"

Several quiet footsteps brought the intruder over to the couch. "Honey?"

Smiling, Kaji said, "Guess I can't play Ozzie and Harriet with you, huh?"

There was a brief pause. "Ozzie-"

"Oh just forget it."

"Yes sir."

Heaving a huge sigh, Kaji threw an arm over his eyes. "You should grow a sense of humor."

"Mm."

There was a brief pause.

"I saw Miss Ibuki."

"Oh?"

"She said that you may use her kitchen any time you want."

Kaji snorted. "Yeah, no surprise there," he muttered.

Somehow, Rei got the feeling that the man was being smug.

"Do you often cook for Miss Ibuki?"

Frowning, Kaji said, "Excuse me?"

"I have read that couples sometimes cook for each other," Rei elaborated, "I was simply wondering if Miss Ibuki's invitation was based on previous experience with your cooking."

Kaji lifted his arm, glancing at Rei for a moment before setting it back over his eyes.

"Saturday was the first time I cooked for her," he said smoothly, his lips quirking up at the corners as he added, "I guess she must have liked the taste…"

As stated before, Rei was a touch naïve.

She was not, contrary to Asuka's belief, as dense as lead.

…and Kaji was not exactly being subtle.

"I was not aware that cooking was a metaphor for lovemaking…"

"Rei, Rei, Rei," Kaji lamented, "first off – anything can be used as a metaphor for lovemaking if you use the proper inflection and body language. Second… oh forget the second part, it would just confuse you."

No, he thought tiredly, Rei probably would not understand that what he had done with Maya the night before would probably not be construed as lovemaking by most people. It certainly was not in _his_ mind anyway, as there was, and would always be, only one woman in his heart.

It was almost enough to make him feel sorry for Maya.

…almost.

_Too bad I don't have time for pity in my line of work,_ he mused. _I WAS a little rough with her… but she didn't seem to compl-_

"Mister Kaji?"

"Hmm?"

"May I ask you something?"

"You just did," Kaji said dryly, "Yeah, sure, what is it?"

He felt the girl sit down on the edge of the couch, positioning herself a tasteful distance from his stomach and arranging her skirt for several moments before murmuring, "Do you think that it would be… inappropriate for me to invite Ikari over for dinner some time?"

Unable to resist the temptation, Kaji muttered, "If you're thinking of 'cooking' for him, can you wait until I'm out of the apartment?"

Though he could not see her face, Kaji was confident that the girl was blushing.

_Hell,_ he thought as Rei collected her thoughts, _I think I'M blushing. That was a little uncalled for…_

Before he could take it back or apologize, Rei was speaking.

"Yes," she said levelly, "if I were to make love to Ikari, I would let you know beforehand so you would not be embarrassed by accidentally witnessing it." She drew a deep breath, continuing before Kaji had a chance to recover. "Your… duality confuses me, Mister Kaji. You insinuate that you would be disgusted by seeing me in an intimate position with Ikari… yet you show no regret for making love to Miss Ibuki – a woman you have known less time than I have known Ikari. You seem to view sexual intercourse as nothing particularly special, talking about it as if it was no more important to you than changing your clothes or having a shower. Also, you seem to have no qualms about sleeping with Miss Ibuki, yet you act as if I do not deserve the same pleasure or tenderness with someone I find attractive. May I ask, Mister Kaji, wha-"

Kaji regained his balance.

"I can't believe I'm getting a lecture on sex from a girl that came over here in a trench coat and a smile," he cut in sharply, pushing himself up on his elbows and glaring disgustedly at the implacable First Child. "You really do have a lot of nerve, Miss Ayanami, to come in here and tell me that lovemaking is special to _you_ when you've offered yourself to me not once, but twice! Where – the hell – do you get off talking to me like that? You're a goddamn child! What would you know about it?"

Meeting his eyes, Rei replied, "I have made you upset… I apo-"

"Oh no you don't!" Kaji snapped, "You're not getting out of this by saying 'oh, sorry, I didn't realize I was being offensive.' You know damn well that you're being a little bitch! Now answer my damn question – who the hell do you think you are?"

Rei rose to her feet, quickly averting her eyes. "Forgive me," she murmured, suddenly sounding rather confused, "I did not mean t-"

"Yes you _did!_" Kaji shouted, grabbing Rei's wrist and yanking her back down onto the couch. "I know you're still new to this whole dealing with people thing," he growled, "and I know you're 'spreading your wings' and all that crap – but you know damn well that you're pushing my buttons, and I'm here to tell you that I won't put up with it, got it? Go ahead and screw Shinji if you think it'll help you fly, or whatever – God I wish I'd never told you that analogy – but don't you sit there and try to tell me that what _I'm_ doing is wrong, alright?"

With nowhere to run, and no true understanding of her own motivations, Rei could only think of one reply.

"I am… sorry…"

It was not good enough for Kaji.

"You should be!" he hissed, yanking her closer. "I am an _adult_, do you understand? Who I share my bed with is none of your concern. God, you're acting like… like…"

Abruptly, Kaji trailed off.

Rei's face – her cheeks tinged faint pink – was inches from his own. Her right hand was trapped against the back of the couch, where his own hand held it at the wrist, but her left was braced lightly against his chest, leaving the rest of her body sprawled sideways against his. Her skirt, he noticed belatedly, had ridden up when he pulled her onto the couch, showing off a considerable amount of thigh… and just the barest hint of panty.

_…you're acting like a jealous girlfriend._

Slowly, Rei averted her eyes.

"You are hurting me, Mister Kaji…"

Kaji released her, carefully putting his hands on her shoulders and pushing her off of him. Silently, they rearranged themselves until they were sitting side by side on the couch. Once she was upright, Rei carefully smoothed her skirt, resting her hands in her lap when she was sufficiently covered.

"Forgive me…"

"Yeah," Kaji whispered, "sure…"

Slowly, the First Child rubbed at her wrist, frowning faintly as an angry red welt began to show around its circumference. "I was… not aware that I was being so antagonistic…"

_Yeah you were,_ Kaji thought immediately, _you just don't know why…_

Leaning back on the couch, he closed his eyes. This was bad… this was very, very bad.

_An emotionally confused pilot on the verge of sexual awakening… sure come on over. God, the only way this could get worse is if Asuka moved in, too._

"Mister Kaji…?"

"Yeah?"

"I was not smiling."

"Huh?"

"When I came here the first time," Rei clarified. "You said I was only wearing a coat and a smile…"

Kaji chuckled. "Is that a joke, Rei?"

The faintest hints of a smile curved the edges of the girl's lips.

"Perhaps…"

The laughter was a bit less forced the second time it escaped Kaji's lips.

_That's right,_ he thought as he rose to his feet, _change the subject… avoid the issue… dodge the bullet, Rei… the Commander trained you well…_

"I'm going to bed," he said lightly, "try not to sleep with anyone before morning, alright?"

"Mister Kaji…"

_No,_ Kaji thought nervously, _don't make it serious again… I just can't handle it tonight…_

"Huh?"

"Have pleasant dreams."

"Oh, right… you too, Rei…"

And so, leaving many things unspoken, the two housemates went to bed, refusing to admit to themselves, or each other, that their situation had gone from uncomfortable to outright dangerous.

Continued…

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at)yahoo(dot)com.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 9

Shinji sat sprawled at his school desk with one arm stretched out in front of him and the other folded under his chest, resting his cheek on his shoulder as he stared at the far wall. Kensuke and Touji had both finished their lunches early and gone off to ogle the girls at the swimming pool – a pastime Shinji had not found enjoyable since being caught staring at Rei one afternoon.

As a result, the Third had found himself back in the classroom by himself, listening to the idle conversations of the few students who had not taken advantage of the pleasant breeze outside.

To say that Rei was the furthest thing from his mind would be an exaggeration, as anything related to EVA tended to take up a lot of his thought processes… but in all fairness he had not been thinking of the blue-haired girl much, as she had not spoken to him a lot since he had left her high and dry in the elevator that day.

So when she spoke his name, sounding close enough to tap him on the shoulder, Shinji very nearly jumped out of his seat.

"A-Ayanami," he stammered, flushing brightly as he found the girl standing patiently by the side of his desk. "Er… hi…"

_Why do I always feel cornered when I talk to her?_ he thought guiltily, keeping his eyes averted as the First opened her mouth to speak. _We used to be… kind of friends, almost – now I want to run away every time she looks at me…_

This feeling intensified as Rei quietly asked, "Do you have plans for dinner this evening?"

"Dinner?" Shinji repeated uncomfortably, trying not to notice that several curious stares were directed his way. "Umm… I'll probably cook for Asuka and Misato, so…"

"I see," Rei nodded. "Are you available tomorrow?"

"I'll probably cook for them then, too."

Rei considered this. "Is there… any day this week you are free…?"

"I d-don't think so…"

"I understand."

Giving him a polite bow, Rei returned to her desk.

_She WAS asking me out,_ Shinji thought with some amazement. He blushed, staring down at his desk as he realized just how cold he must have seemed. _It's not my fault,_ he told himself reasonably, _it's like Ritsuko said: I'm not adept at living. Oh, wait… that was Rei she was talking about – but still, I'm not good at this kind of stuff…_

Shinji blinked as he noticed a chilly silence emanating from the desks closest to him. Cautiously, he raised his head… but he quickly lowered it again as he found the girls nearest him regarding him with open scorn while the boys just shook their heads in amazement.

"Harsh, Ikari," one of the boys muttered as he turned back to his lunch. "Real harsh…"

_What was I supposed to do?_ Shinji wanted to scream. _She scares me!_

His blush intensified at this thought.

…it had never entered his conscious mind before.

_I mustn't run… oh screw it…_

Pushing away from his desk, Shinji rose to his feet and walked back to where Rei was staring out the window. "Umm, Ayanami?" he asked tentatively.

"Hm?"

Gathering himself, Shinji said, "I th-think I could probably do something on Thursday… if you want…"

Rei slowly turned to regard him. "You do not have obligations that day?"

Shinji scratched the back of his neck, painfully aware of the judgmental stares of the others in the room. "I can cook something early," he said slowly, "or they can get take out or something, I guess…"

"I see," Rei said quietly. "Then… will you join me for dinner…?"

"Sure," Shinji said, trying to sound firm… though he was sure that his knees were knocking together, "you've… moved, though, right? I don't know where you live now."

Rei opened her notebook, carefully tearing out a piece of paper as she replied, "I am close to Horaki's house now. I will write you the address." Placing her pencil on the paper, the First Child belatedly added, "I am staying with Mister Kaji now."

Shinji nodded. "Oh, I s-" he cut himself off. "Kaji?"

"Yes."

"I… I didn't know you were living with Kaji…"

Rei finished writing her new address. "It is a new arrangement," she replied, folding the paper in half and offering it to her thunderstruck coworker. "Is that… an issue?"

"No, no!" Shinji said quickly. "I just… I didn't know."

"You did not ask."

"Er… right…"

Taking the directions and slipping them into his pocket, Shinji found that he was suddenly bursting with a million questions. How had this happened? When had she moved in? Why Kaji? What did the Commander think? Was Kaji the one who had bought Rei's expensive new clothes? Did Rei pay rent? Had Kaji seen her naked, too?

What ended up coming out, however, was a simple, mumbled, "See you Thursday, I guess…"

Rei nodded, keeping her eyes on him as he gave her a quick bow. "I am looking forward to it."

"R-right…"

Nearly stumbling as he turned around too fast, Shinji hurried back to his desk, barely even noticing that the faces all around had gone from disgusted to approving and – in some cases – envious.

He was far too caught up in his own thoughts to pay attention to the reactions of others.

Thursday he would be dining with Rei.

…less than two minutes after he was back in his seat, the Third Child was already thinking of excuses for why he would not be able to make it.

( 0 0 0 )

Rei watched fixedly as vapor twisted and coiled around the super-cooled surface, rising in tiny wisps to dissipate in the warm air, or curving back in on themselves to caress the objects held in the huge container, flowing like breath around the sharp, angled edges. She tilted her head to one side, her eyes following a particularly long tendril of steam as a hand reached into the container, breaking the lazy equilibrium within as carelessly as a child waving away a fly.

"That is a very unhealthy selection, Mister Kaji…"

Pulling a small stack of frozen dinners out of the freezer case and tossing them into the cart, Kaji yawned, "What are you, my mother?"

Rei glanced into the cart, shaking her head in wonder as she surveyed the pile of artificially flavored, textured, and scented foodstuffs her associate had selected. "Is there… anything nutritionally sound in there?"

"Sure!" Kaji said brightly. "Cardboard."

"Ah."

Kaji set the cart in motion, idly glancing into the freezers as they passed in hopes of finding something even worse for him than what he had already taken. "Rei," he said, smiling with satisfaction as he lifted a large, frozen chocolate cake out of the freezer, "life is too short not to enjoy it – especially when it comes to food." Arching an eyebrow, he dropped the cake into the cart. "You're not going to feed Shinji bean sprouts and cabbage or something gross like that, are you?"

"No," Rei said simply, "I have observed that he enjoys eating steak and rice."

"But you hate meat."

"No, I dislike meat… more specifically, I dislike eating meat. I have no issues with cooking it for someone else."

Shaking his head, Kaji mumbled, "Wish I'd known that the day you moved in… I would have had you in an apron faster than you can say Iron Chef."

Choosing to shift the topic from cooking, Rei said, "Will you be joining us, Mister Kaji?"

"I think that would make things awkward," Kaji said dryly, "then again, maybe not… the two of you eating alone is probably the most awkward thing I can think of. Depends on if I'm working or not, and, you know, if Maya's not – hey, that gives me an idea… no, wait, that wouldn't work… never mind…"

Frowning faintly as Kaji scooped a tub of ice cream into the cart, Rei asked, "What was your idea?"

"Eh, doesn't matter," Kaji replied. "I was going to say that maybe we could make it like a double date and have Maya come over too, but I don't think she'd be comfortable."

"Why not?"

Kaji, much to Rei's relief, finally turned out of the frozen foods aisle.

"Because she's still really nervous about 'dating a guy from work,'" he said quietly. "I think she would be worried that Shinji might tell someone about us."

"I see."

What Kaji kept to himself, of course, was the fact that he did everything he could to fuel this fear, encouraging Maya to believe that them dating would be considered wholly inappropriate by everyone from the Commander on down to the technicians Maya sometimes ate lunch with… though the coup de grace in this tapestry of mental manipulation had been the offhanded mention that Ritsuko would probably think it was tactless to be seen with a man you work with.

The irony of this stroke of tactical genius was not lost on Kaji, who – like Rei – knew far more about the goings on at NERV than anyone would have guessed.

_She DOES look up to that woman a bit too much,_ he thought as they turned down the produce aisle. _No wonder there's rumors all over the place._

Naturally, Kaji himself had been key in planting and perpetuating these rumors – never in such a way that they could be traced back to him, but always sowing just enough of the truth into things to cause eyebrows to raise every time Maya smiled at her sempai or shook her hand after a hard day's work.

…his rumor spinning was so good that sometimes Kaji himself began to wonder if there wasn't more than simple hero-worship going on.

"May I ask you a question, Mister Kaji?"

"Well, I don't seem to be able to stop you lately," Kaji said evenly. "Sure, Rei… what is it?"

"I was wondering," the First Child murmured, slowing her pace as they reached the end of the aisle, "what your stance is on dating more than one person?"

Kaji chuckled. "You, my dear First Child, lack tact," he observed, stopping the cart and turning his full attention to the blue-haired girl, "but since you feel like obscuring your motivations, I'll bite. My stance is that unless you're married, or have an agreement to be exclusive… you should assume that anyone you're seeing is also seeing four or five other people – even if it's not true. That way you avoid having your heart broken if you find out they've been sleeping with your best friend." Suddenly, a nauseated expression crossed Kaji's face. "Do I need to go over…'safety' with you? God, please tell me I don't…"

Pursing her lips, Rei murmured, "I am aware of the risks of unprotected premarital sex, Mister Kaji… those topics are well covered in our textbooks."

"Thank God…"

"…though I will admit I find the topic interesting."

Kaji turned away, pushing the cart towards the butcher's section and carefully avoiding Rei's eyes. "Just don't find it interesting on my couch…"

"Understood."

Risking a glance at the girl out of the corner of his eye, Kaji went back to the prior topic. "So, is there another guy you're interested in besides Shinji?" he wondered. "Is that why you were asking that? Or was there another reason…?"

Gazing into the meat case, Rei absently replied, "If you are concerned that I will tell Miss Ibuki of your relationship with Major Katsuragi, please allow me to assure you that it is neither my place, nor my business… but to answer your question directly, yes, there are others I find myself attracted to besides Ikari."

"You gonna name names?" Kaji wondered, mildly impressed that Rei already knew about Misato… though in all honesty, he had not truly tried to hide it from her.

Just Maya.

"That," Rei replied softly, keeping her eyes focused on the meat, "is neither your place, nor your business…"

"Ooo, feisty," Kaji mused, folding his arms as Rei pointed several cuts of meat out to the butcher. "Fair enough, fair enough… ask you no questions, you'll tell me no lies, right?"

"I did not agree to that…"

Kaji laughed… but he failed to notice that Rei was not smiling.

Accepting the steaks from the butcher with a polite bow, Rei set them in the cart and continued up the aisle. As they turned down the cookie aisle, and Kaji selected five varieties, the First Child ventured a question.

"Why are you buying so much food, Mister Kaji…?"

"Well, Miss Ayanami," Kaji said airily, grabbing yet another type off cookie, "it's like I said – life is too short not to enjoy it to the fullest, and I've recently come to the conclusion that there are some things, like food, that I haven't been spending enough time appreciating."

Rei glanced into the cart, frowning faintly as she scanned the mountains of horribly unhealthy foodstuffs. "It seems to me that the items you have selected would shorten your lifespan considerably," she observed. "Would it not be more prudent to eat things that are healthy, and thereby live longer, allowing more time to enjoy them?"

Kaji stared at her for a full minute with a bland expression on his face. "You know," he said coolly, "I shouldn't answer that just on the grounds that most middle-school kids wouldn't even understand what you just said." He waved a hand as Rei opened her mouth. "Yeah, yeah, that's just the way you talk, I should get over it – anyway…" he lowered his voice, "I'm not terribly worried about extending my lifespan, Miss Ayanami."

"You speak like a condemned man."

His lips quirking up at the corners, Kaji whispered, "Well you know the old expression, don't you? The most dangerous type of person is the one with nothing to lose…"

Rei met his eyes steadily. "Are you dangerous, Mister Kaji…?"

Pausing in the middle of the aisle, Kaji laid a hand gently on the top of Rei's head.

"Not to you…"

Though she knew this sentiment may be false, Rei still found her cheeks coloring.

They did not speak further as they continued their shopping.

Continued…

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at)yahoo(dot)com.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 10

Maya stirred her coffee with a faint, barely-there smile, resting her chin in her palm as she stared out at the few cars driving past. It was well past lunchtime, but still before dinner, so the open-air café was practically deserted, leaving her and her companion pretty much to themselves.

It made it much easier to speak freely, Maya found.

"I think I'm in love…"

Rei turned her attention away from the three children playing jump rope across the street and glanced at her elder, considering what reply would be most appropriate before deciding on, "You are not sure?"

Tapping her spoon lightly on the edge of her mug, Maya shrugged. "It's best not to rush these things," she said importantly, "but if we're talking a percentage scale of certainty, I'm working with at least an eighty-five."

Peering into her own cup as the older woman took a sip, Rei asked, "And this is based on your sleeping with Mister Kaji last weekend?"

To her credit, Maya did not choke on her drink.

"Well, not _just_ that," she said unevenly, setting her cup down before her shaking hand could splash her coffee onto the tablecloth. "Did… did Kaji… tell you?"

Rei raised her eyes.

"He implied it," she said calmly, "as you did on Sunday… though he was not as discrete."

"Yeah," Maya mumbled, "he has a tendency to be that way sometimes."

Gazing at the woman for a moment, Rei said, "My opinion of you has not been lessened, Miss Ibuki."

Maya chuckled weakly. "You're pretty observant."

"Sometimes."

"So," the technician said awkwardly, "what did he say about… about me…?"

Rei lifted her cup. "He did not brag, Miss Ibuki."

"Well, yeah, I mean… I didn't think he would," Maya said quickly, "I just… what _did_ he say?"

Setting her cup back down, Rei slowly replied, "He said that it was the first time he had cooked for you, and that he was pleased that you enjoyed yourself."

Though this was not exactly what the man had said, Rei felt that it was close enough to the truth. She did not feel that she could mention the word 'taste' in conjunction with sexual activity without blushing.

Maya, however, _did_ blush. "It was… pretty amazing," she said carefully, "some of the things we did, I… wow, I really shouldn't be talking to you about this."

Rei said nothing for a moment.

Secretly, she agreed. Discussing sexual practices was, in her opinion, something for lovers and best friends – neither of which, Maya was.

Instead of continuing the topic, Rei returned to her initial question.

"Then… you are still uncertain of your love?"

Maya heaved a sigh of relief, thankful that the girl had gracefully changed the subject.

Well, perhaps not gracefully, but tactfully at any rate.

"No," she said softly, "I think I'm pretty sure I do love him… I just don't want to rush into it, or force him to feel the way I do. I mean, he's kind of… distant, sometimes, so I don't… I don't want to push him, you know? And really, we haven't been dating a _long_ time, so…"

Rei hesitated for only a moment before asking, "How… do you know if the emotion you feel for someone is love, rather than simple affection?"

Maya bit her bottom lip. "Wow," she blurted, "that's kind of a tough one, umm… I guess it's different for everyone, but for me, I just… I can't get him out of my mind, you know? I wake up thinking about when I can see him again, and when I go to bed, I wish he was with me – and when we're together, I feel like I'm on top of the world, like nothing could ever go wrong…"

Frowning faintly, Rei mused, "That sounds… obsessive…"

"Oh it is, it is," Maya said quickly, "it's kind of… scary for me to be in love – that's another reason why I try to be as sure as I can before I let myself go." She smiled. "To me, loving means giving over a part of myself to the man I'm with… and every time it ends, it kills me a little…"

"Then… would it not be safer not to love?" Rei ventured.

Maya nodded, her face growing entirely serious as she replied, "Safer, yes… but when you're in love, Rei, everything is so much brighter. Why do you think there are so many songs about love? I don't… I don't think humans are capable of really _living_ without it – you can exist, sure, but without love you'll never… God, I'm rambling…"

Digesting this information for a moment, Rei slowly said, "I do not believe that I have ever been in love."

Replying immediately, Maya said, "You're so young, though, you've got plenty of time to find someone you really care for. I mean, I haven't… I haven't felt this way about a man for years – literally – and I'm exaggerating a bit about just existing, God I must sound like I'm desperate… but you can be happy without love, it's just…"

As the woman fumbled for words, Rei softly supplied, "You can be happier with it."

Defeated, Maya collapsed back into her chair.

"I didn't mean for it to come out like that," she whispered. "Rei, don't misunderstand me – I'm not saying that life is-"

"I understand, Miss Ibuki," Rei cut in smoothly. "Please, do not worry yourself."

"Oh," Maya said, sounding a bit confused, "umm… ok…"

Slowly lifting her cup, Rei finally took a drink of the steamed milk Maya had recommended that she try, pondering all that had been discussed and trying to fit it into the framework of her own life.

After several moments of quiet thought, she finally reached one, solid conclusion.

The milk… was a bit too sweet.

( 0 0 0 )

Glancing down at the piece of paper in his hand, Shinji found that he had, indeed, come to the right place. "You sure about this?" he mumbled, hefting the parcel in his other hand and considering the door for a moment. "Yeah, might as well get it over with, I guess…"

Before he could think about what he was doing, he reached up and rapped smartly on the door.

"There," he whispered, "happy now…?"

He straightened his back as the door swung open.

"Ayanami, hi, I…"

Shinji trailed off as he found Rei looking quite different than he was used to seeing her. Instead of the ever-present school jumper he knew so well, the First Child was dressed in a black turtleneck made of some light, soft looking fabric. It seemed rather snug to Shinji's eyes, drawing attention to the design of her body almost as well as the jeans outlining her shapely hips and long legs.

Accentuating this ensemble was a simple, silver cross, resting lightly at the point where the front of the girl's turtleneck began to swell.

All in all, Shinji decided that the First looked rather stunning.

"H-here," he stammered, realizing that Rei had already returned his greeting and invited him in, "I… Misato said it's good manners to… bring a gift."

"They are… petty," Rei murmured, accepting the bouquet of pansies with great care. "Mister Kaji," she said, turning back into the apartment, "do you have a vase…?"

"Wow, classy, Ikari!" Kaji commented as he rounded the corner from the bathroom and waved to the Third, "you must be taking Misato's advice on dating… she was always after me to open the door for her and bring flowers and crap like that, but I was never very good at it."

He started to laugh, but it was cut short rather abruptly as someone said, "Maybe if you listened better, you wouldn't have gotten dumped."

Rei turned back to the doorway just in time to see Major Katsuragi step through it and fold her arms, leaning up against the doorframe and regarding Kaji with mingled disdain and amusement.

"Honestly, Kaji," she said smoothly, "I know you miss me, but come on – did you really need to get poor little Rei here to fill in? When I saw the change of address request, I thought it was a joke. Imagine my surprise when Shinji told me he was invited over for dinner."

Kaji smiled, but it seemed forced to Rei. "What surprises me is that you knew my address when you saw it," he said lightly, bowing and motioning for her to step inside, "you've never been here before."

"Oh, I like to keep tabs on suspicious people," Misato quipped as she stepped past Shinji, who was still hesitating on the threshold. "Nice place, Kaji – very 'late 90's bachelor pad.'"

"Gee," Kaji said dryly, "wonder why."

Misato shrugged out of her coat, draping it carelessly over the back of the couch. "So," she said coolly, "is Ritsuko in the bedroom, or are you comfortable with just one inappropriate roommate?"

Kaji's brow twitched. "Actually, it's Ibuki," he said evenly, "I was thinking of a little ménage a trios after dinner – care to join in?"

Shinji thought that Rei's eyes had widened a bit at the mention of Miss Ibuki's name, but it must have been a trick of the light.

Why would she care if Kaji joked about Maya?

"I'd love to," Misato countered, "but I'm still trying to get rid of the unclean feeling I got when I read that change of address form."

"Why do you keep looking at me when you say that?" Kaji wondered, walking to the door and gently steering Shinji inside. "My signature wasn't anywhere on it – so why am I catching the flak?"

Misato rolled her eyes. "You're behind this somehow," she said confidently, "probably dropped some lame line about the stars and the moon and had Rei eating out of the palm of your hand."

Kaji's eyes twinkled with merriment. "It was the bird line, if you must know," he said cheerfully, "and she wasn't eating out of the palm of my hand… though she did drop by in just a trench coat and ask me to take her." He blew on his nails and brushed them on his shirt, still grinning broadly. "Yeah, I've still got it."

This time, Shinji was sure that Rei's expression changed, but again, he could not understand why.

_Almost looks like she's blushing…_ he thought. _Wow, I AM seeing things._

"Don't scare the children," Misato grumbled. "God, at least come up with something believable."

Rei coughed lightly.

"Major Katsuragi?"

"Hmm?"

"…being here is my choice, ma'am."

Misato considered the girl for a moment, finally breaking eye contact with a deep sigh. "Fine, fine," she said, "I'll drop it… I didn't mean to ruin your evening, Rei…"

"It is not a problem," Rei said quietly. "Will you be joining us?"

Looking slightly uncomfortable now that her righteous indignation had been so effortlessly derailed, Misato mumbled, "I wouldn't want to impose."

"It's not an imposition if the hostess invites you to stay," Kaji pointed out. "She's not really the kind of person to do it out of politeness, in case you hadn't noticed – no offense, Rei – and it's fine by me… so I think the only other person that might have an issue with you staying would be Shinji."

"I'd like it if you stayed," Shinji said quickly, averting his eyes as Rei glanced his way, "I mean… if you wanted to…"

"Eh, what the hell," Misato shrugged, "I got nothing better going anyway… and it smells damn good – what are you making?"

Finally free to close the door, Rei replied, "Steak."

Misato assessed her for a moment. "I thought you couldn't eat meat."

Rei glanced at Kaji, who simply shook his head.

_It's__ gonna be a long night…_

( 0 0 0 )

Uncomfortable, Rei mused, was about the only word that fit the Major's expression as the two women sat in Kaji's living room, waiting for their counterparts to return. After an unusually quiet dinner, during which everyone avoided everyone else's gaze quite a lot, Kaji had declared that he had neglected to buy something called 'cool whip,' a desert topping of some sort, from what Rei could deduce, and excused himself to go buy some, stating that dessert wouldn't be dessert without it.

Shinji had all but leapt to his feet and scrambled after the man, leaving Misato and Rei staring after them as they hastened out the door.

He had not even excused himself.

The Major, Rei decided, must have realized how forceful she had been upon arriving, and had slowly grown quieter and quieter as dinner had progressed. Kaji, too, seemed edgy that the woman was there, though he tried to hide it by pretending to be enraptured by his dinner, which everyone agreed was delicious… though Rei was sure she saw Shinji make an odd face at taking the first bite.

"I'm sorry I ruined your date…"

Rei blinked, drawn from her analysis of the evening meal by the Major's soft words.

"There is nothing to apologize for," she replied quietly, "I invited you to stay."

Misato rose to her feet, zeroing in on Kaji's cabinets as she said, "I shouldn't have accepted, though. This _was_ supposed to be a date, right…?"

Watching as the woman pulled open one cabinet after another, Rei realized that she did not really want to answer this question.

"Ah-ha!"

Triumphantly, Misato pulled a long-stemmed wineglass out of one of the cabinets, setting it on the table before pulling the fridge open, clearly intent on helping herself to a drink.

"Man, look at all this junk," she mused, refusing to let silence fall again. "I thought I ate unhealthy stuff, but you guys take the cake – literally! There's cake in here!"

"It is Mister Kaji's," Rei pointed out smoothly. "The shelf at the bottom is mine."

Misato snorted. "Broccoli, peppers, corn… it's like a miniature farmer's market," she said, pulling out the bottle of wine and finally closing the fridge. "…wish they'd hurry up."

Rei said nothing as the older woman poured her drink and came back into the living room, taking a small sip and regarding the first over the rim of her glass.

"So," she whispered, seemingly emboldened by the mere presence of the alcohol in her hand, "you and Shinji, huh…?"

"What about us?" Rei replied flatly.

Pausing for another drink, Misato clarified, "You're… together, then?"

Rei met the woman's eyes.

"No more than you and Mister Kaji."

Misato stared at the younger girl for a moment, trying to decide if she was being antagonistic or not. Shaking her head as she remembered who she was dealing with, she dryly replied, "So you're just coworkers."

"Correct," Rei answered quietly, "though…"

"Hmm?"

"…it is unimportant."

"No," Misato said immediately, "it _is_ important. What were you going to say?"

Nodding at the note of command in the other woman's voice, Rei said, "I was going to say it is correct that Ikari and I are coworkers, though I believe I would like to explore the possibility of a more personal relationship."

"So you want Shinji to be your boyfriend," Misato said bluntly, "well, I-"

"No," Rei interjected softly, "that is presumptuous."

"Oh?"

Rei gathered her thoughts for a moment, wanting to avoid any misunderstandings.

"I am interested in becoming closer to Ikari," she said finally, speaking very slowly so as to make herself clear. "However, the expression, 'boyfriend,' implies exclusivity, and I-"

"You've gotta be kidding me," Misato broke in, "you're… playing the field?"

Considering this for a moment, Rei slowly replied, "That term seems so negative… but I do not know of a more appropriate one."

Leaning back on the couch, Misato simply stared. "Wow," she said finally, "I never would have guessed. So who else do you have your eye on? Anyone I'd know?"

"I would rather not say," Rei replied evenly.

"Fair enough, fair enough," Misato said, reappraising the girl as she took another sip of her wine. "Can I at least get a number?"

"Pardon?"

"A number, you know – a number of how many you're trying to choose between."

"Oh," Rei said, trying to decide if having this information would influence the Major's interactions with her or not. "Three."

"Three?" Misato grinned. "Ambitious, Rei… pretty ambitious."

"It is not a question of ambition," Rei returned, "it is a question of attraction and interest." She averted her eyes. "I am simply attempting to follow my emotions… and currently they lead towards those three individuals."

"Currently?" Misato asked, arching an eyebrow. "Better be careful, Rei… emotions can be tricky."

Rei nodded. "I understand that," she replied. "That is one reason I do not wish to discuss the identities of the others."

Shrugging, Misato polished off her glass of wine. "Makes sense," she said, "though between you and me… I think Shinji's probably the best fit out there for you."

A very faint smile lit Rei's face.

"…and that is the other reason."

"Ha," Misato laughed, "you caught me, I'm biased."

"It is admirable."

"Hmm?"

"Your relationship with Ikari," Rei said quietly. "You seem… very close to him. It is admirable."

Misato regarded the bottom of her empty wineglass for several long moments before softly replying, "You really don't know anything, do you…"

Taken aback by the confused anger in the older woman's voice, Rei let the silence return.

It was not broken again until Kaji and Shinji finally returned.

Continued…

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at)yahoo(dot)com.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 11

Hikari waved to Rei as she approached the corner, gesturing for the blue-haired girl to join her on the far side of the street. "Hey, Ayanami!" she called brightly, "Over here!"

She smiled as the other girl made her way over, checking carefully for oncoming traffic before crossing the street. _Man, she's cute,_ Hikari thought suddenly. _She's thin, tiny, exotic… wow, I think I'm jealous._

Being a good-natured person, this thought was more self-deprecating and amused than anything else, and by the time Rei had reached her side, Hikari had filed it away for later consideration.

She was not one to forget things, after all.

"How's it going?"

"Well," Rei replied politely. "How are you, Representative Horaki?"

"You know," Hikari said, starting off towards school once more, "you _can_ call me Hikari, if you want."

"May I?"

"Sure, we're friends, right?"

Rei nodded gravely.

"Then call me Hikari – and you don't have to be so serious all the time… relax a bit."

"I… thought I was," Rei murmured.

Hikari laughed. "Then you need some lessons in how to unwind," she said playfully.

Giving her a considering glance, Rei observed, "You seem very happy today, re- …Hikari."

"You can tell?" Hikari grinned. "Yeah, I'm kinda… thinking I might ask someone out."

"I see," Rei said. "It is difficult. Good luck."

Hikari came up short. "Wait," she said as Rei continued walking. "You've… asked someone out?"

"Yes," Rei replied, adding almost as an afterthought, "but I am not… what is the proper word? 'Exclusive,' with him."

For a long moment, Hikari simply stared with open wonder. Finally, realizing that her jaw had fallen open, she closed it and said, "Umm… who was it? Can I ask?"

Rei met her eyes. "I do not mind telling you," she said clearly, "but I would like you to understand that I have other people that I am interested in being close to."

Nodding quickly, Hikari interpreted, "So you want me to keep my mouth shut. Yeah, of course."

"That is not what I said," Rei pointed out, but Hikari impatiently gestured for her to continue. "It was Ikari."

Hikari nearly sighed with relief. "Oh," she said lamely, blinking as she realized that just because the name she had been worried about had not come out, the name that had been spoken was in and of itself rather surprising. "Ikari?" she repeated, "Really? What did he say?"

"He accepted my invitation."

"Wow…"

Hikari honestly could not think of anything to say. Past Rei, Shinji was possibly the most reclusive person she had ever met. He was way better than when he had first arrived, especially when Touji and Kensuke were around, but if he was alone, he tended to simply sit with his head down and do his homework, looking as if he desperately hoped no one would notice he was there and try to start a conversation with him.

The idea of him agreeing to go on a date seemed pretty out there to Hikari, though if there was anyone in school he _would_ say yes to, it was Ayanami.

…or possibly Asuka.

"So um," Hikari said slowly, "what did you guys do…?"

"Ate," Rei replied evenly. "It was a dinner engagement."

Hikari whistled. "Dinner date, huh?" she mused. "That's pretty cool for a first date. Most people do like, a movie or lunch or something that doesn't take too long. Dinner's kind of… I dunno, grown up."

"Is it?"

"Well, I've always thought so."

"Ah."

Slowly, Hikari started walking again, considering this information very closely. _Now, if Ayanami can do it,_ she thought critically, _why can't I? I've known Touji way longer than she's known Ikari. Hmm… yeah, I can do this. If she can, I can – definitely!_

"Hikari…?"

Caught up in her thoughts, Hikari murmured, "Yeah?"

"May I ask who it is that you like?"

Hikari was suddenly guarded, remembering that Rei had just told her that there was more than one guy she liked.

_Better stake my claim now,_ she thought nervously, _if she'll ask Ikari out, Touji would be nothing for her…_

"Suzuhara."

Though she tried desperately to read the other girl's reaction, Hikari found it impossible. Rei simply continued walking, staring straight ahead as if Hikari had not spoken at all.

After a moment of quiet, she carefully asked, "Are there… others you are interested in?"

"Not really," Hikari said quickly, feeling a mild sense of panic at this line of questioning. "I've had my eye on Touji for a while, so… I haven't really been looking around that much."

"But if there was another you found attractive," Rei pressed gently, "you might have reason to consider other options?"

Logically, Hikari could see no way out of Rei's word trap. Of course, if Touji was completely unavailable, she would have to think about other guys… but she wasn't about to let that happen – not without a fight. If Ayanami was about to be her enemy for Touji's affections, so be it. She would not lose.

_Calm down,_ she told herself, _she didn't say that Touji was the one she was after – and she went out with Ikari, after all, so-_

"I… have upset you."

Abruptly, Hikari realized that she was scowling.

"I did not mean to offend you," Rei continued, "I was simply interested in hearing more about y-"

"Can we drop it?"

Hikari came up short once more, staring down at the ground and blushing as Rei stared at her.

"S-sorry," she stammered. "I didn't mean to snap, I just… I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Understood."

"Hey, don't," Hikari said quickly, reaching out to grab Rei's hand as the blue-haired girl started to walk away. "I'm sorry, really. Don't just walk away, alright? Look, let's… why don't you come over to my house after school, ok? We'll talk about anything you want then – I just didn't really expect this to come up now."

It was a rather thin excuse, Hikari thought as Rei considered her invitation, but if she had the day to think about it – and maybe do something about it – she would be better prepared to talk to her potential rival.

Rei… her rival.

_Who would have thought…?_

Glancing down at Hikari's hand for a moment, Rei finally replied, "It would not be an imposition?"

"No," Hikari said firmly, "it wouldn't. I just… I need to think about some stuff before we talk, that's all."

"Understood."

Feeling the need to change the subject, Hikari said, "Hey, your skin is really soft. What do you use on it?"

Rei's cheeks flushed slightly, but before she could say anything, a quiet, electronic jingling sound rose from her pocket. Hikari released her hand, allowing her to retrieve her cell phone, and took a polite step back as the blue-haired girl answered it.

"Yes… yes sir, I understand. The Fourth…? Yes, I understand. Goodbye."

"Is it an angel?" Hikari asked nervously, glancing around for the closest shelter as Rei calmly pocketed her cell and checked her wristwatch.

"No," Rei replied levelly, "but I must go."

"Oh," Hikari said slowly. "Then, umm… you're not going to be coming over later?"

Calls to NERV generally ended up being all-day affairs, in Hikari's experience. Asuka had been called away several times, and the class rep often did not see her until the following day.

"No, I will not," Rei confirmed. "My apologies."

"No problem!" Hikari said quickly. "Tomorrow, then?"

Rei hesitated, clearly thinking that the invitation to come over had been nothing more than politeness. "I would… enjoy that," she said slowly, giving Hikari a slight bow. "Have a pleasant day, Hikari."

"You too," Hikari said amicably, thinking that this just might be the chance she had been looking for.

_I'll talk to Touji today,_ she told herself firmly as Rei wandered off towards the closest train station. _No more hesitating!_

Unfortunately, when she arrived at school, she found that Touji was absent.

( 0 0 0 )

"Four ball, corner pocket."

The crack of billiard balls knocking into each other echoed in the small bar, rising above the few lazy conversations taking place as Kaji grinned across the table at Maya.

"You don't have to call your shots," the technician said in exasperation, "and you missed, anyway."

"On purpose!" Kaji protested, scooping his beer up off the small round table next to the wall and taking a swig as Maya studied the layout of the balls. "I'm lulling you into a false sense of security, then, when you least expect it – bam! I'll win the whole thing!"

Maya arched an eyebrow, leaning against her cue for a moment as she said, "You've still got most of your balls on the table."

Grinning gleefully, Kaji said, "Hey now, let's not make it personal!"

The desired results were achieved when Maya's face blushed bright red. "Th-thirteen, corner pocket," she stumbled out, leaning over the line up the shot.

"I thought we weren't calling shots," Kaji teased, waiting until the tech drew the stick back, then gently running the palm of his hand over her defenseless backside.

Maya squeaked, driving her cue forward so hard it nearly tore the felt.

"K-Kaji!"

"What?" Kaji said innocently, giving her a broad smile as he lowered his voice. "You're not going to complain about dirty pool, are you?"

Groaning at the gruesome pun, Maya reached for her drink, trying to turn her body sideways to prevent the man from caressing her again. "You're terrible."

Kaji leaned a bit closer, laying his hand on her thigh.

"That's not what you said last night."

Maya's blush intensified, and she stammered something that Kaji could not even understand, though he guessed it was some kind of further protest.

He ignored it, running his hand lightly up and down her thigh as she took a sip of her drink, trying to pretend that her hand was not shaking as she glanced around the dimly lit bar. If she really didn't like being touched in public, he reasoned, she would pull away or tell him to stop… but all she ever gave was feeble protests and halfhearted complaints.

Further evidence of the idea that she enjoyed his attention was the fact that she was always wilder and more uninhibited after he had toyed with her for a few hours before taking her to bed.

Not that she was the best he'd ever had – far from it – but getting her 'warmed up' as he liked to think of it at least brought her into the above average range.

_God, I am such a bastard._

"D-do you have to work tonight?" Maya stammered, setting her bottle down hard enough to slosh the liquid inside almost to the rim.

Kaji smiled.

_A right, true bastard…_

"Nope."

Maya was outright crimson as she whispered, "Do you want to… you know… come over for a while…?"

Nodding, Kaji assured her that there was nothing he would enjoy more than enjoying her, a comment that nearly made the poor technician swoon.

It was almost criminal, he mused, that manipulating women came so easily to him. Maya stood almost no chance in this game, a fact that made him feel triumphant… and slightly dirty – triumphant because he had already gleaned a few semi-classified details about the MAGI from her, dirty because it felt like drawing a gun on an unarmed opponent.

_Mighty full of ourselves, aren't we?_ he thought as Maya gave him a brief, guilty little kiss. _Hey, it's not bragging if it's true, right? Oh wait… maybe it is…_

"How was dinner last night?"

"Hmm?"

Maya motioned to the table, indicating that it was Kaji's shot. "Dinner… you know, with Shinji and Rei."

Kaji searched his memory, trying to remember telling the tech that this was going to take place, but coming up empty. "Not bad," he said, trying to sound casual. "Did Rei tell you about it…?"

"Yeah," Maya said, "she said it was kind of awkward."

"Mm." Kaji hummed, keeping his eyes on the table.

Rei said she wouldn't get involved in his affairs… but if Maya talked to Shinji about dinner, and he mentioned Misato…

"It was," he said lightly, playing it loose while simultaneously making plans to talk to Shinji about the evening in question the very next moment he could. "Rei cooked for the two of us, then hardly said anything all evening."

"Yeah, she told me that she cooked," Maya said thoughtfully, "but she said she wasn't sure how it turned out, because she made herself something without any meat in it."

Kaji shrugged. "It was terrible," he said evenly, "but we ate it all and told her it was great."

Nodding, Maya said, "She knows, you know… she didn't say that you lied to her, but I could tell that she knew."

"Heh," Kaji chuckled. "We said it was good, even though it was bad… she knows it was bad, and knows that we hated it, but she isn't going to tell us… and even though I know that she's figured it out, I'm not going to say a word. Funny, isn't it? The lengths we'll go to avoid confrontation and save people's feelings from being hurt."

"It's human," Maya pointed out. "I'm… actually a little relieved that Rei's handling it this way – not so long ago, she would have just told you that she knew so you could stop pretending."

"No she wouldn't," Kaji laughed, setting his cue aside for a moment and stretching his back. "She wouldn't have cared what I thought – nor would she have bothered to cook in the first place."

"True… she _is_ changing."

"Not all that much."

"Well, it hasn't been all that long," Maya said slowly. "Give her some time."

"Time… time, time, time…" Kaji said airily. "I can't even remember being her age. It's funny – I can remember being eight, but fourteen? It's just a blur…"

Maya smiled. "I know what you mean. Hey," she leaned forward, suddenly intent, "tell me about it."

"About what?"

"About when you were eight – no, don't laugh… I really wanna know."

Kaji shook his head. "It's just a little memory," he said dismissively, "you really don't want to hear it."

"Please?" Maya said, biting her lip for a moment before adding, "I'd… make it worth your while."

Arching an eyebrow, Kaji said, "Why, Miss Ibuki… are you trying to seduce me?"

Maya's blush returned. "M-maybe."

"Funny," Kaji said easily, "you hit my one weak spot. Fine, fine, I'll tell you, but it's really just a little thing…"

"Go on."

Shrugging, Kaji said, "When I was a kid, there was a little park near my house. It had this little plastic slide shaped like a rocket – not very tall, maybe five or six feet… but it seemed huge to me back then. Anyway, it was covered, right? Like a tube, only one of the sections of the top part was clear Plexiglas, so you could see out." He smiled faintly. "When it was a clear night, I would go sit in the slide and stare up at the stars, kinda pretend I was an astronaut… make all these plans – what to be when I grew up, how to sneak a couple yen from my dad's easy chair to buy a pop, that kind of thing."

"So you've always been sneaky," Maya joked.

"Pretty much," Kaji said dryly, "and I've always been good at it too – bet you didn't know I stole your bra last time I was over, did you?"

"I kinda noticed the strap over your shoulder when you wore it out," Maya laughed, trying not to blush in spite of her joking tone. "Go on, please."

Kaji stared at the wall for a moment before whispering, "I remember… I used to go there when it rained, too… lie in that little plastic rocket… look up at the clouds. I didn't get rained on, but I still got soaked because the rain would come right through the top of the slide and drench my shirt. Mom would get pissed… dad would just sigh… I can still remember the helpless look on his face, that 'oh, not again,' kind of look he got when mom was on the warpath…"

Maya's smile slowly faded at the sad tone in Kaji's voice, but she dared not speak for fear of losing the wonderful feeling of closeness she had.

"I used to think the world was so big back then," Kaji murmured, slowly shaking his head as his eyes grew far-off with the memory, "but it's tiny. You can travel from one end to the other, if you find a fast enough transport… but I can still remember that feeling I had – that everything was so much bigger than me. I kind of miss it…"

Unsure of how to reply to this, Maya said, "Well maybe we could… go visit that park sometime, if… if you want…"

Kaji sighed, shaking his head to clear it. "It's probably a puddle of slag by now," he said tiredly, "or buried under a ton of dirt, or floating in a sea somewhere. The world isn't what it used to be, Ibuki… you can't go back – you have to keep moving forward."

"Y-yeah…"

"Shinji brought flowers, did Rei tell you?"

Maya blinked, taken off guard by the sudden change in topic. "Hmm?"

"To dinner," Kaji clarified, "he showed up with a whole bunch of pansies and gave them to Rei. It was pretty cute."

"Flowers?" Maya mused. "Shinji? Really?"

"Yeah," Kaji nodded. "I didn't have a vase, though… had to put them in pitcher."

Maya grinned at this image. "You'll have to show me next time I'm over," she said, "if they're still alive."

"I'll take care of them."

Considering the woman for a moment, Kaji decided that the time was right to push for a bit of information.

"So, is it true that the Fourth Child has been found…?"

"How do you know about that?" Maya wondered. "It was just barely announced to the E-project staff yesterday."

Shrugging, Kaji replied, "Hearing things is my specialty. So is it true?"

Maya mulled this over for a moment. On the one hand, it was _supposed_ to be confidential information, but on the other hand, Kaji seemed to know it already – he was just looking for confirmation.

…and he would never do anything to hurt her, right? Not after sharing so much of his life with her.

"Yeah, it's true," she said finally, leaning her cue up against the table. "It's… I don't know how much you know about Shinji, but it's one of his friends."

Kaji feigned shock. "No," he exclaimed, pretending he did _not_ know that every member of Shinji's class was a candidate. "Kensuke?"

Maya shook her head. "No," she said, "not him. This boy's name is Suzuhara."

"Oh, Touji," Kaji said, "I've met him. Nice kid."

"You met… oh that's right," Maya said, "you met him and Aida on the boat ride back, right? I forgot that."

The conversation lagged as Maya ran a fingertip absently along the edge of the pool table's felt surface, trying not to stare at Kaji's downcast, thoughtful face. She had the sudden, distinct impression that he had told her more than he'd intended, and this idea made her quite sad, as she was starting to find more and more of her time spent in thinking about him.

She realized suddenly that when she had spoken to Rei in the café… she had lied.

She knew exactly what her feelings were.

"Hey," she whispered, draping her arms over Kaji's shoulders and resting her forehead against his as his hands settled against her hips.

"Hmm?"

Maya closed her eyes, whispering the three words that men in bars have longed to hear since time immemorial.

"…take me home."

Continued…

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at)yahoo(dot)com.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 12

In Tokyo-3, birds sang a mellifluous chorus to the bright, sunny sky, chirping so merrily that any casual observer might have thought the poor creatures would have strained their tiny throats in their fervent worship of the puffy clouds and endless blue horizon. It certainly seemed like a nice enough day, all things considered, what with the birdsong and cicadasong and painfully azure sky overhead. Even a poet may have been overcome with emotion and laid his pen aside to simply bask in the glory of being.

Of course, even with a gorgeous summer day and an ocean of hazy sky, there will always be those who have reason to be gloomy.

Standing on the roof of the school and observing Touji Suzuhara's behavior, Rei felt that the boy was well within his rights to be a little down.

"You know, don't you?" Touji was saying miserably. "About everything…?"

"Yes," Rei replied simply, keeping to herself the fact that she had known of his recruitment before he had.

"Funny, isn't it? Me… fighting angels…"

Rei was not sure why this should be amusing, but she held her tongue.

Truth be told, she was not entirely sure why she had followed the newly christened Fourth Child up to the roof in the first place. She could not recall ever having a personal conversation with the boy, nor had he ever spared her a second glance before today, yet here she was.

Perhaps it was part and parcel to spreading her wings.

"Don't tell Shinji, ok?" Touji said, resting his forearms on the railing and looking down at the ground below. "He's got enough junk on his mind right now…"

Rei nodded.

"You like him, don't you?"

"Pardon?"

"Ikari," Touji said softly, "you've got a thing for Ikari. I always kind of thought you did, but lately it's like… you're always looking at him. I didn't even notice until Kensuke pointed it out…"

Though her cheeks colored slightly, Rei nodded a second time. "Yes," she said plainly, "I suppose that is true… though there are others I would like to be close to as well."

Abruptly, Rei realized that this was the fourth person she had shared this information with, and she wondered when, exactly, she had grown so liberal with the personal details of her life.

Suzuhara, she decided, would be the last person she volunteered this fact with.

_…it is fitting, after all._

"Scheming on other guys, huh?" Touji mused after a moment of silence. "I never would have figured you for the player type, Ayanami…"

Rei felt slightly exasperated.

Player… playing the field… scheming… why was it that everyone picked these unflattering terms? She was simply exploring her feelings, nothing more. No one was being hurt by her actions, and as Kaji had pointed out, unless there was a declaration of exclusivity, there should be no expectations of it.

Right?

"And what of yourself?" she asked levelly. "Is there anyone you have affection for, Suzuhara?"

Touji snorted. "Is there anyone I have affection for?" he chuckled. "Man, you sound like a robot out of one of those old sci-fi flicks."

Rei's blush intensified. _Why is it so undesirable to speak properly?_ she asked herself. _The Commander always taught me that-_

"No," Touji said suddenly, breaking into her thoughts, "I haven't thought about going out with a girl since Kimiko got hurt."

"Kimiko?"

"My sister."

"Ah."

Touji looked up at the sky. "I notice girls and stuff," he said thoughtfully, "don't get me wrong, I'm not like, gay or anything… I just… I ain't got the time, ya know?"

"I see."

Glancing down into the school, Touji spotted Hikari Horaki just turning away from the window.

He nearly jumped out of his skin, though, certain that Rei had read his mind as she murmured, "What is your opinion of Representative Horaki?"

"Hikari?" he said, trying to hide his surprise. "Umm… I dunno… she's cute, I guess. Why?"

"Because she is interested in you."

Touji, who had been approached by a few 'proxy' girls in his time, found himself horrible unprepared for the calm, methodical tactics Rei employed.

"Wh-huh?"

"She is interested in you, but too shy to voice her interest," Rei said clearly. "Would you date her, if she asked, Suzuhara?"

Feeling very much like a fish out of water, Touji stuttered, "I, er… I guess, I mean – yeah, if I had the time to." The reality of his situation quickly overrode his shock, reminding him rather forcefully of several facts. "I doubt she'd want to be with me, though," he said slowly. "I mean, I'm a pilot now, and my sister's in the hospital… so even if we were going out, I don't know when I'd get to see her."

"So you would not be able to commit yourself to her exclusively."

Touji blinked, finding this a rather odd question.

If he barely had time for one girlfriend, how could he have time for two?

"…no, probably not."

"I see."

A stiff breeze rose up, forcing Touji to cover his eyes for a moment to avoid getting something in them. When the wind died down and allowed him to open them again, he found that Rei had joined him at the railing, and was glancing down at the school with a completely neutral expression on her face.

Venturing a wild, uncharacteristically intuitive guess, Touji whispered, "You're not… are you… asking me out…?"

For a long, long moment, Rei said nothing, choosing instead to stare down at the window she spent so much time looking out of as if noticing for the first time that there was another way to see that small pane of glass.

Finally, after what felt to Touji like an eternity, the blue-haired girl lifted her gaze, looked him straight in the eyes, and gave him a soft, one-word reply.

The resulting conversation kept the two on the rooftop long after the bell signaling the end of lunch had rung.

( 0 0 0 )

Kaji rubbed his tired eyes, finally clicking his monitor off before resting his chin on his hands and staring at the blank screen.

If only he'd had the presence of mind to do that earlier.

"Jeez," he muttered, "she really went ballistic, didn't she? Good thing she still doesn't know about Rei…"

The she in question, a certain Miss Souryu, had stormed off in a huff a mere fifteen minutes prior, leaving Kaji alone to lament the fact that she had uncovered the identity of the Fourth Child before it had been formally announced. So far, only top-level personnel and those directly involved with the activation of the EVAs, knew that Touji had been chosen.

_Well, them and Asuka,_ Kaji reminded himself sardonically. _Yeah, it's DEFINITELY a good thing she doesn't know about Rei._

He could not even imagine the ruckus that would be raised if the volatile, fragile, confused Second ever found out that her arch nemesis was prancing around naked (which she still did from time to time, much to Kaji's chagrin) in a place she herself had not even set foot in.

Hell hath no fury, and all that.

Kaji looked up as his door was opened, suppressing a groan as he found Misato striding boldly into his small office.

_And speaking of fury…_

The purple-haired woman walked over to his desk, leaning casually against it as she folded her arms under her generous bosom, every muscle in her body projecting 'confrontation' like a loudspeaker on high.

Kaji braced himself.

"So," she said abruptly, "you banging her…?"

"Ahh, delicate as always," Kaji sighed, pushing away from his computer and lacing his hands behind his head. "Yes, actually. It's a lot of work, because she's such a little thing and I have to concentrate on being careful not to break her, but it's worth it, because she makes this cute little whimpering noise when I-"

"Ugh," Misato interrupted, making a nauseated face, "not funny."

"You started it."

"Yeah, but I was kidding."

"…no you weren't."

Misato averted her eyes. "I liked the cross," she said evenly, "that was a nice touch."

"I didn't have anything to do with that," Kaji said patiently, "you know perfectly well that I don't have time to take anyone shopping for clothes or accessories or any of that crap – I've got too much going on for that."

"Oh, so she just picked all that stuff herself?" Misato asked, arching an eyebrow.

Kaji pursed his lips. "Has it ever occurred to you that she _might_ have other friends?"

"No," Misato said bluntly, "it hadn't. I wonder if it's that Horaki girl… she's been spending a lot of time with her, according to the Section Two reports. Heh… wonder why she didn't get Rei all made up while she was changing her wardrobe."

Scowling, Kaji muttered, "I wouldn't have let Rei in the house if she had."

Misato clucked her tongue. "Still haven't gotten over that dislike of makeup, have you?"

"Never have, never will."

"You never did explain that to me, you know… made going out with you that much harder – and it wasn't easy to begin with."

"What's this all about, Katsuragi?" Kaji said, deftly avoiding the issue yet again. "You know what I'm doing… you've seen what's under our feet… why would you think I'd have time to go around screwing teenagers and rubbing your nose in it?"

"Just seems like something you'd do," Misato said evenly. "When you were with me, we-"

Misato cut herself off as Kaji abruptly rose to his feet.

In spite of being armed, and trained in several styles of hand-to-hand combat, she found her left foot sliding backwards, putting more distance between her and Kaji.

"It was different with you," Kaji said flatly, staring boldly into her questioning eyes as he took a corresponding step closer. "You _know_… it was different with you."

"Yeah, well," Misato cleared her throat, "that was… a long time ago, and… and…"

Words failed her as Kaji put his hands on her waist, keeping her from pulling back any further.

"Stop running from me."

Misato opened her mouth – to say what, she was not sure, as she had been suppressing her feelings for so long that she wasn't even sure what they were anymore… but before she could say a single word, her lips were gently occupied in another endeavor.

( 0 0 0 )

The apartment was quiet, as it usually was on weeknights, giving Rei ample opportunity to do her homework in peace. Though it was getting rather late, she did not expect to see Kaji for a while yet. His schedule was erratic, but Rei knew that he rarely got home sooner than nine o'clock on a work day.

So it was that she found herself mildly surprised to hear the door to the apartment click open at a quarter past eight.

"You left it unlocked again…"

Rei began to reply, but stopped herself as she caught sight of her roommate.

"S'up?"

"Nothing," Rei murmured, trying not to stare at the man's disheveled, unkempt appearance. "Are you… alright?"

Kaji shrugged, tossing his sport coat over the back of the couch and kicking the door absently closed. "Sure," he said cheerfully, "why wouldn't I be?"

"Your clothes…"

Rei trailed off as she realized that the man had not been attacked.

…not by thugs, anyway.

Kaji walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer.

He was smiling rather broadly.

"Well, you can guess how my day went," he said slyly. "How was yours?"

Pursing her lips, Rei bent her head back over her homework.

"Productive…"

"Really?" Kaji said curiously. "How so?"

Rei pushed her homework away and rose to her feet, making her way to the cupboards and pulling out an empty glass. "I clarified some questions I had," she said carefully, turning on the kitchen tap and allowing it to run for a moment to cool the water. "It was… unexpectedly satisfying."

"Like, _cooking_ satisfying?"

Giving him a sideways glance, Rei wondered, "Must every conversation we have return to the topic of intercourse?"

Though she had not thought it possible, Kaji's smile grew.

"Only the ones that _can_."

"Ah."

Seeing that the girl was not amused by this, Kaji sobered a bit. "So what did you do that was so… man, did you _have_ to use the word satisfying? It's like an engraved invitation to – ok, ok, I'll stop! Come back."

Rei, who had begun to leave the room, paused for a moment before slowly returning to the sink and filling her glass. "I spoke with someone," she said quietly. "It was… enlightening."

"Was it one of the guys you like?" Kaji probed. "Hey, don't give me that look – I didn't ask if you were screwing him!"

Turning off the tap, Rei replied, "I don't want to answer you."

"What? Why not?"

Rei sipped her water for a moment.

"Because you will try to find out who I spoke with," she said bluntly, "to see if you are able to discover who I favor."

"Wow, that's paranoid," Kaji said petulantly.

"Am I mistaken?"

"…well, no – but I would have been subtle about it, how's that?"

"Unsurprising."

Rei set her glass on the counter, slowly taking in Kaji's entire frame. After a moment, she stepped closer, closing her eyes for a moment and inhaling through her nostrils.

"You smell of lavender," she said quietly, opening her eyes as Kaji was on the verge of asking what she was doing. "I would suggest a shower, Mister Kaji… Miss Ibuki expressed an interest in dropping by for a visit this evening."

"Ah crap!" Kaji explained, reaching for his buttons… but freezing as he realized what Rei was saying. "You didn't have to tell me, you know," he observed, slowly slipping the first two buttons of his shirt free of their loops. "Maya's your friend, right? And you know what I'm doing… why would you warn me she's coming and make sure she didn't find out?"

Rei returned to the table, pulling her homework back over to her before replying.

"Because you are more important to me than Miss Ibuki," she said unapologetically. "Furthermore, had she found out this way, she would have been hurt… and it is not my place to interfere with the affairs of those around me anymore than it is their place to interfere in mine, wouldn't you agree?"

Kaji was very close to asking Rei to clarify the 'you are more important to me' portion of her dialogue, but before he could speak, there was a soft, tentative rapping sound at the front door.

An unexpectedly sharp jab of guilt hit Kaji's gut, making him wince.

"Get that, would you?" he asked, making his way towards the bathroom without sparing a glance at Rei. "I'm gonna take a shower…"

"Alright…"

It was funny, Kaji mused, how the afterglow of fantastic sex seemed to fade when held up in comparison to a remembered smile and a few softly whispered, honest words of affection spoken unexpectedly in a darkened apartment.

Turning the shower on, he began to strip out of his clothes… but when he got under the water, he nearly screamed out loud, finding that he had neglected to turn on the cold tap.

Fumbling for the faucet, he could only think, _Damn__ subconscious. Freud would have a field day!_

As he set about washing, Kaji deliberately kept himself from thinking of how many people were going to be burned before he was done doing what he had to do. The number, he guessed, would be rather high… though three, in particular, would be the ones that would keep him up at night.

Provided he survived, of course.

Continued…

Feedback is always welcome on any site with reviewing capabilities or by e-mailing me directly at random1377(at)yahoo(dot)com.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 13

Shinji sat at his desk staring straight ahead and chewing absently at his pencil as the teacher droned on about some aspect of ancient history. In all honesty, he had stopped listening some time prior, and had finally brought his mind around to contemplating his 'date' with Rei.

He put the word date in parenthesis in his mind because he simply could not think of his dinner as a real honest to goodness romantic encounter – partly because Misato and Kaji had been sniping at each other the entire time, and partly because no matter how he tried… he still had trouble seeing Rei in that light.

_It's not that I don't think she's pretty,_ he thought objectively, _it's just… it's Rei. I've never… really thought about her like that…_

His cheeks flushed, and though he tried to suppress it, his hand suddenly flexed as the remembered feeling of having her breast in his palm filled his mind.

"Oh shut up," he whispered to his hand, "that doesn't count…"

Perhaps, he admitted reluctantly, he _might_ have thought of her that way. Maybe. Once or twice. But in his imagination, he was always the one making the moves. It wasn't like Rei was coming on like a freight train or anything, but she was still the one taking the initiative.

It made him very edgy.

"Hey Horaki," he said, suddenly noticing that the end of class had come while he was pondering his predicament.

"Huh?" Hikari said, looking around as if trying to find someone.

"You wanna have lunch?"

Hikari blinked, giving a soft sigh as she failed to find whoever she was looking for. "Yeah, sure," she said, "why not."

Shinji gathered his lunch and hurried after Hikari before Rei could follow.

Not that she looked like she was planning too, but better safe than sorry.

_What am I doing?_ he thought miserably. _I haven't spoken two words to her since we ate dinner._

"Ikari?"

"Yeah?"

"Is um… have you seen S-Suzuhara today?"

Shinji shook his head, taking a look back, but quickly averting his eyes as he found Rei staring at him. "No," he replied, "hasn't been in for a couple days… I don't know why."

"Oh," Hikari sighed, sounding slightly crestfallen. "Hey, should we wait for Asuka?"

Taking the girl's elbow – and missing her look of shock at the contact – Shinji hustled her away from the classroom. "No," he said firmly, "let's just go…"

"A-alright…"

Shinji, taking another look back over his shoulder, did not see the faint hint of color on the girl's cheeks. Even if he had, he probably wouldn't have known what it meant.

How could he? His mind was too occupied with avoiding Rei to even think that his actions could easily have been misunderstood.

( 0 0 0 )

Rei checked her wristwatch, watching the secondhand sweep slowly around the face for a moment before letting her arm fall back to her side. She was early, but not terribly... so if she gave it another minute or two, her arrival would not be so premature as to be considered rude.

It was her first time sleeping over at a friend's house, so she was not exactly sure what the proper protocol was.

Why it had changed from a simple hangout invitation to a full blown sleepover, Rei was not exactly sure. All she knew was that, when lunch period was over, Hikari had hurried up to her desk and blurted, 'You want to spend the night? I gotta talk to you.'

_I suppose I will find out soon…_

She raised her arm to ring the doorbell, but before she could, the door swung open and a small clone of Hikari stepped onto the porch.

Rei stared at her.

The clone-girl did not like this.

"Geez, are you gonna stand out here all night?" she grumped. "You've been out here for like, five minutes!"

Taking a closer look, Rei realized that she was not looking at a clone, but rather, a younger sister. _Nozomi_ her mind supplied, _the younger child is Nozomi, and the elder is Kodama. She does bear a remarkable resemblance, though,_ she mused, taking in the girl's twin pigtails and smattering of freckles.

And in her defense, she _did_ have a little more experience with cloning than siblings.

"_Well?_"

"Nozomi," Hikari's voice came from somewhere in the house. "Who are you talking – oh, Rei! Hi, I didn't know you were here."

"She was just standing on the porch," Nozomi said scornfully, "and her eyes are red. She's weird."

"Be nice," Hikari said reproachfully. To Rei she said, "I'm sorry… my sister's a little, er, what's that word? Rambutious."

"It's ramb_unctious_," Nozomi sniffed, stomping back into the house, "if you're going to insult me, at least do it right, dufus!"

Hikari winced as the younger girl slammed the door, leaving her outside with Rei. "Sorry," she said guiltily, "she's a real sweetheart when she wants to be… she just, er, doesn't want to be that often, ya know?"

"I understand," Rei said… though in all honesty, she did not.

"Let's go inside," Hikari said brightly, "I've got so much I want to talk to you about."

Rei hesitated for a moment, then stepped over the threshold.

"I'm home."

Hikari gave her a warm smile.

"Welcome home."

( 0 0 0 )

Rei looked curiously around Hikari's room, noting how different their tastes were as the other girl shimmied into her pajamas. _There is so much… pink,_ she thought, glancing at Hikari for a moment from the corner of her eye. _And so many hearts and stuffed animals._

"Would you… like some assistance?"

"No, I got it," Hikari grunted, trying in vain to yank her head through the pajama top. "What the hell is… oh, duh! The button was still done up."

Rei very nearly smiled as Hikari fumbled blindly for the button on her shirt, undoing it and pulling her head through with an almost audible pop.

"There!"

The class representative gave Rei a triumphant grin, pulling her hair out if its ponytails and tying it at the back of her neck.

"I like your PJs," she said, nodding to Rei's oversized tee and baggy sweatpants. "They look really comfortable."

"They are… borrowed," Rei said, pulling the shirt away from her body for a moment before letting it fall once more. "I did not have anything suitable, so my guardian let me use them."

"Ah."

Silence fell as the two girls regarded each other for a moment.

Dinner had been a brief, if hellish affair for Rei, as Hikari's entire family (including Nozomi) had grilled her nonstop on her background and tastes, asking so many questions that she barely had a chance to get any food in her mouth. This was not a huge loss, as they were having beef and vegetables, but Rei would have at least liked to have had a bite or two of the parts she _could_ eat.

Ultimately, Hikari had saved her, dragging her up to her room and telling her whole family (including her father) to 'stop driving Rei crazy!'

"Wanna try on some makeup?" Hikari asked suddenly, slipping out of bed and heading to her dresser. "My dad won't let me wear it outside, but he said I can wear as much as I want in my own room. He's kind of strange like that…"

Rei watched as the girl carefully applied lipstick, liner, shadow, and blush, transforming from a slightly plain schoolgirl into a professionally appointed young woman.

"You are… very good at this," Rei said quietly, averting her eyes as Hikari dropped her a playful wink.

"I practice all the time," Hikari grinned. "You want to try some?" She shrugged as Rei shook her head. "Maybe later. Hey, can I do your hair, then?"

Rei reached up, absently touching her short cropped bangs. "I do not have much to do…"

Hikari giggled, grabbing a brush off of her dresser. "It's ok," she said, "I'll just brush it out and put a bow in it, ok?"

"…alright."

"Sit on the bed."

Doing as she was told, Rei waited, unsure of what to expect. She could not recall ever having anyone brush her hair before, so she was a bit uneasy – though not too much, as she trusted Hikari not to do anything that would hurt her.

"Nozomi used to let me play with her hair all the time," Hikari said, sitting behind Rei and busying herself with the brush, "but now she's a 'big girl' and thinks it's babyish to let me do her hair."

"I see…"

It was actually fairly pleasant, Rei decided after a few moments. Hikari hummed as she worked, seeming to be perfectly content with what she was doing.

"So," she said abruptly, "you umm, you know Ikari pretty well, right?"

Rei nodded, nearly getting the brush tangled in her hair. "Yes," she said quietly, "fairly well. Is there a problem?"

"Well, er, no," Hikari said, slowing her movements until she was barely brushing. "I just… remember that you told me Suzuhara liked me, so I was wondering…"

"Yes?"

"…I was wondering if you heard anything about Shinji liking me too. He kind of ate lunch with me today."

Considering this for a moment, Rei said, "He often has lunch with you."

Hikari clicked her tongue. "Not with _just_ me," she corrected. "I know you don't like, have a lot of experience with dating and stuff, but lunch with just a guy and just a girl is kind of… kind of a date, remember? And I asked him if he wanted to wait for Asuka, but he said no, so he… I think he wanted to be alone with me…" She smiled a bit sickly at the back of Rei's head. "Sorry," she murmured, letting the hand with the brush go still. "I know you had dinner with him, and I'm not trying to like, break you guys up or anything… I was just wondering."

Rei's brow creased. She had certainly never imagined that Shinji would be flirtatious with other girls while she was trying to gain his attention, though she really could not be angry with him, as she was doing the same thing.

"I… have not heard that he likes you," she said honestly, "but we… we do not talk very much, really…"

"Oh…"

After a moment of quiet, Hikari continued brushing Rei's hair.

"Look," she said softly, "it was probably just my imagination or something. Forget about it, ok?"

Rei nodded… but it was only through force of will that she was able to do as Hikari recommended. There was nothing she could do about it just then, she decided, and she _did_ have other topics to discuss.

She closed her eyes, allowing herself a brief moment of luxurious, decedent pleasure before asking the question on her mind. Surely, she reasoned, it must be some sort of sin to enjoy having one's hair brushed, mustn't it? It was so relaxing – just that simple, repetitive movement, the bristles of the brush parting the strands of her hair over and over, soothing her… relaxing her… making all her concerns seem far away. So… far away…

"Whoa," Hikari whispered, fumbling and dropping the hairbrush as Rei slumped back against her. "Wow," she said softly, "you were more tired than I thought!"

She smiled as Rei stirred, resting her head against Hikari's shoulder and letting out a soft sigh.

"Maybe we should go to bed," Hikari ventured, putting her hands lightly on Rei's shoulders. "Here, just lie down… that's right…"

Slowly, she eased Rei down next to her, laughing softly as the girl immediately rolled over to face her. _She's just like Asuka,_ she mused, watching Rei's tranquil face for a moment before reaching up to find the switch on her nightlight. _Once she's out of gas, she just passes right out. They must work their pilots like dogs for them to be this tired all the time. Huh… I didn't even take my makeup off. Oh well, one night won't kill me._

Looking up, she finally managed to find the light switch, but as she was about to turn it, she happened to glance down. "Oh," she gasped, "you're awake!"

Rei nodded, keeping her eyes on Hikari's as she hesitantly said, "There is… something else I would like to ask you, and I did not want to go to sleep before I had the chance. It is about dating."

"Sure," Hikari said brightly, letting her arm fall back to the bed and lying down so she was eye to eye with the other girl. "What is it?"

For a long, long moment, Rei said nothing, as if trying to decide just how to go about asking whatever question was on her mind.

Finally, Hikari put her hand lightly on Rei's waist, gently encouraging, "Go on… just say it…"

Quietly, Rei did.

( 0 0 0 )

Kaji yawned hard enough to make his jaw crack, letting the toilet lid fall shut with a bang and hitting the lever with the tips of his fingers. _What time is it?_ he wondered, running his hands briefly under the faucet before turning the water off and heading out of the bathroom. _Test activation's tomorrow… not like I can do any more digging tonight, but I should get as much done as I can since my little roommate's out for the night._

"Ah screw it," he muttered through another yawn, "too tired."

He let his pants fall to the floor, grinning broadly as he indulged a childhood habit and kicked them out of the open bathroom door.

As a bachelor, he always left the bathroom door open when he was alone… it felt to him like a tiny act of defiance, as every woman he had ever been with had religiously shut the door – as if it was ok for him make them scream his name in the bedroom, but heaven forbid he actually see them relieve themselves.

The grin faded as instead of the soft 'flumf' of the pants hitting the couch, he heard a quiet, "Ow."

"Rei?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Yes."

Kaji stepped out of the bathroom, finding the First carefully folding the pants he had just hit her with.

She seemed to be avoiding eye contact.

"Back already?"

"Yes."

"I thought you were spending the night…"

Rei slowly draped his pants over the back of the couch. "I had planned to," she replied quietly, "but I… decided I would rather come home."

"Just like that?"

"Yes."

"Huh."

Kaji considered the girl for a moment in the dim light coming from the bathroom door.

"Is that lipstick?"

Rei blinked, and her right hand twitched as if on the verge of reaching up to check, but ultimately she simply turned away and murmured, "No… it is not…"

"Are you ok?" the man pressed, stepping closer to the pilot. "Your cheek looks bruised… did you fall down or something?"

Turning away, Rei shook her head. "No," she said levelly, "I did not. I am… very tired. Goodnight, Mister Kaji."

"Wait," Kaji said quickly, taking two short steps and grabbing Rei's wrist before she could escape. "Let me see."

With her arm captured, Rei had no choice but to obey. She stood still as Kaji gently took her chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting her face so that more of the light from the bathroom fell on her cheek and examining her closely for several minutes. Though she was not normally uncomfortable with being scrutinized (she _did_ have red eyes and blue hair, after all) Rei still found herself shifting from foot to foot, trying hard not to look away from Kaji's intense, searching eyes.

"Who did this to you?"

Rei met his eyes as levelly as she could.

"Mister Kaji," she said quietly, "there is no reason for you to be concerned."

Kaji still had her wrist clasped tightly in his hand. There was no escape for her. "Answer my question, Rei," he said flatly. "Did one of those guys you like do this to you?"

Shaking her head, Rei tried to free her wrist. "There is no reason for you to be concerned," she repeated, stepping away in the hopes that he would release her. "I simply-"

"If you say you tripped and bumped your face on a table or something stupid like that I'll slap you myself," Kaji interrupted. "I know what it looks like when a person hits another person, Rei – I make a living hurting oth-"

Abruptly, Kaji let her go, making her stumble back.

She had not even been aware that she was pulling that hard.

"Fine," Kaji growled, "you don't want to talk, you don't have to. Just don't come crying to me when it's a fist instead of a hand. I'm going to bed."

As he strode past her, Rei blurted, "I was with Hikari."

"Did she do this to you?" Kaji demanded, his nostrils flaring as he turned back to face the pilot. "I thought she was your friend, Rei – what the hell happened?"

"There was an argument."

"You can argue without ending up bruised," Kaji pointed out. "What _happened_?"

"It was my fault," Rei said evasively, "I…"

Kaji waited for a moment as the girl searched for the right words. Finally, he shook his head. "You know what you sound like?" he asked coolly. "You sound like a battered wife. 'Oh, no, officer,'" he said in a high voice, "'It was my fault – he just gets so mad, and I just don't know when to stop… it was my fault.'"

Wetting her lips, Rei whispered, "It isn't like that, Mister Kaji, I… I said… something…"

"I'm sure you said a lot of things," Kaji muttered, "You went over there at seven, and it's three in the morning – I'm sure you had lots of time to talk… but _what_ did you say that got her to slap the crap out of you?"

Rei averted her eyes.

"I cannot tell you."

Kaji threw his hands up in exasperation.

"Goodnight."

As he took another step, however, he felt a soft, tentative touch on his hand.

"Mister Kaji…?"

"What, Rei?" Kaji growled through his teeth. "I'm very ti-"

"Please do not be angry with me," Rei whispered, holding his hand loosely in her own as she stared down at the floor. "Your opinion of me has become… important. I… if you will allow me, I will explain what happened…"

Kaji rubbed his eyes, glancing at the clock and shaking his head as he thought, _Man, this kid is going to be the death of me._

"Alright, Rei," he said softly, taking a seat on the sofa and gesturing for her to do the same. "Tell me what happened."

By the time the girl was done, the sun was well up… and Kaji's perception of her had been considerably altered.

Continued…


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 14

Things… were strange. Shinji found that he could not sit still in his morning classes, stealing repeated glances at Hikari's profile as her cryptic message 'don't leave when it's lunchtime' echoed in his mind. This simple directive had been delivered in the form of a small, carefully folded note, dropped onto Shinji's desk when the class rep had entered the room.

Something was definitely afoot.

Shinji's eyes were drawn to his school laptop screen as a message suddenly appeared.

SAL What's going on with Hikari, do you know? She's acting all weird.

Glancing at the redhead from the corner of his eye, Shinji found her staring straight ahead. Trying not to be obvious, he entered his reply.

IS I don't know. Sorry.

SAL Don't apologize, God I hate that!

IS Sorry. Why do you think I would know, anyway? I thought you were her friend.

SAL I am, but she's been all moody this morning, and she keeps looking at you. And since you guys DITCHED ME for lunch yesterday, I thought you might know what's going on.

IS I don't. Sorry.

SAL Stop saying sorry!

Shinji sighed. The Second had been irritable for a couple of days herself, though she had never given Shinji a clue as to what was annoying her. _Maybe it's something to do with today's activation test,_ he mused as he looked up at the clock, _everyone__ seems to know more about it than I do. I'm always the last to know things._

Folding his laptop closed as the bell rang, Shinji stretched his arms up over his head and let out a tired yawn.

_I wonder what Horaki wants,_ he thought. _When she dropped that note on my desk, she looked really mad… but she was staring at Ayanami. And speaking of Ayanami, I wonder how she got that little bruise on her cheek. It almost looks like she got into a fight._

Reaching under his seat, he pulled out his bento and set it on his desktop, waiting for Hikari to tell him what to do.

As it turned out, he did not have to do anything.

"Can I have everyone's attention?"

The hustle and bustle of the classroom died off as Hikari rose to her feet.

"There's something I want everyone here to know," she said, calmly making her way over to Shinji's desk. "Before any rumors get started, and just so everyone's clear, Ikari and I are dating."

Shinji's – and just about everyone else's – jaw fell open, and he fumbled for something to say… but before he could push out so much as a jumbled, 'huh?' Hikari was speaking again.

"And just so it's perfectly clear…"

Amidst a smattering of gasps (one of them very clearly Asuka's) and a handful of cheers, Shinji found himself being pushed against the back of his seat and kissed rather roughly on the mouth. Before he could understand what was happening, it was over, and Hikari was standing next to his desk… though a quick, stunned glance up showed that she was looking towards the back of the class with an open expression of defiance.

_Who…?_

Following her gaze, Shinji found Rei staring at the spectacle with fixed, unblinking eyes – almost like a statue – as Hikari stared her down. Shinji had never considered himself a very smart man… but he was quick enough to pick up on the fact that he had just been used as an instrument of revenge against the First Child.

Why, on Earth, Hikari would have a grudge against Rei, Shinji had no idea… but there was no question in his mind that he and Hikari were absolutely _not_ dating, and that – as pleasant as it had been – she would not be kissing him again.

Some students rose to their feet, sure that the show was over… but butts were returned to seats very quickly as Asuka made her presence known.

"What in the _good holy HELL_ was that?"

"Pst."

Shinji nearly jumped out of his skin as a soft hiss came from the vicinity of his left elbow.

"Pst, Ikari – let's get the hell out of here."

Nodding in shocked silence, Shinji allowed his rescuer to tug him out of his seat. Hikari and Asuka were standing toe to toe, and while they were shouting at each other at the top of their lungs, Shinji's mind couldn't process what they were talking about. He grasped that he was the topic, but since he was so stunned, and since every second word out of Asuka's mouth was a German curse word, he had no grasp for what, exactly, was being said.

"Wow, dude," Kensuke – of course it had to be Kensuke, Shinji's mind observed, Touji was out again – said as they finally got into the hallway, "what's up with all that?"

"I don't know," Shinji confessed, glancing back at the classroom door. "I honestly… don't know."

"But… you're dating Horaki?" Kensuke pressed. "Since when – and you're already _kissing?_ Man, I thought we were friends! You didn't tell me anything."

Shinji's shoulders slumped. "There's nothing to tell," he said hollowly. "I'm not dating Hikari… she just kissed me to make someone mad."

"Well, she certainly got Souryu all pissed off," Kensuke snorted, "which doesn't make any sense either. Why should she care if… whoa, wait a minute!" he gasped. "Does… are you dating Souryu, too?"

A sharp pain shot through Shinji's skull. "I'm not dating anyone," he groaned. "Well… I did… have dinner with Ayanami, but I-"

"Ayanami?" Kensuke exploded. "Damn, man, when did you become Don Juan?"

"None of it's real."

"Huh?"

"None of it's… real," Shinji repeated, leaning tiredly against the wall as students finally began leaving the classroom. "It's all just… none of it's real at all."

Grasping his friend's shoulders, Kensuke said, "Ikari, stay with me – you're not making any sense. Hikari kissing you? That was real, trust me. Souryu freaking out? Yeah, she's still yelling in there. Ayanami? …well, I don't even know what that's all about, so I can't say anything about it, but this is all real, man, all of it."

Shinji scrubbed a hand over his face. "Yeah, I know it's real," he said quietly, "but none of it's _real_."

"Huh?"

"Never mind," Shinji whispered, "just… it's too complicated, forget it."

"Nah," Kensuke said, shrugging slightly as he grabbed his friend by the arm, "can't do that. Come on, let's get out of here."

Shinji blinked. "Get out of here?" he echoed. "But we've got physics after lunch, and I-"

"Screw it," Kensuke cut in, dragging him down the hallway towards the exit. "You need to get some fresh air. Let's get a beef bowl or something and just cut class – I'll even pay – and you can tell me all about it."

Feeling pathetically grateful, Shinji allowed himself to be led out of the school, glancing back only once to see if he could catch sight of any of the three girls currently occupying his mind.

He couldn't.

( 0 0 0 )

"An explosion at Matsushiro?" Shinji's voice crackled over the tac-net. "Is Misato ok?"

Rei sat in her entry plug, halfheartedly listening to the pre-battle chatter and running over the events of the past twenty-four hours in her mind.

Things were definitely not going the way she had planned.

_I have… miscalculated,_ she mused, absently running a forefinger along her bottom lip as she waited for combat instructions. _I did not anticipate that she would take it so poorly._

To say that her discussion with Hikari on the topic of dating was a failure would be putting it mildly. The bruise on her cheek, and the class rep's childish display earlier that morning, were proof enough of that.

_It was my own fault, _Rei told herself, _I misinterpreted her reply._

Another understatement.

_"You… you WHORE!"_ she could hear Hikari's shriek echoing in her ears. _"Get the hell away from me!"_

No, it had not gone well at all.

For some reason, what filled her with shame the most was the Commander's cool gaze, followed by his softly murmured, 'Do I need to intervene in this matter?' as she had headed towards the locker rooms.

It almost would have been better had he said, 'Didn't I tell you moving in with that man would be a mistake?'

Only… he hadn't said that at all.

_There must be some reason,_ Rei thought, trying to refocus her attention on the upcoming battle as Aoba announced that they would have visual on the target soon. _Why is he so… unconcerned…?_

It was easier, she found, to think about why the Commander was so blasé about her staying with Mister Kaji than to think about why Hikari had slapped her as hard as she could. She was not at all convinced that Hikari and Shinji were dating – she was smart enough to tell the difference between desire and spite – but she was a little concerned that Shinji might not know what was going on, and decided that she would need to explain to him what had happened between her and Hikari before things grew too confusing.

For everyone.

"Later," she told herself, turning her eyes to the screen as the visual feed of the target was established. "It will wait until later."

Rei did not cry out as Shinji and Asuka did at seeing Evangelion Unit 03 lumbering around the mountainside, nor did she panic or ask how her orders would change based on this latest turn of events.

She knew her orders. This was an angel. It was to be destroyed.

_Suzuhara…_

Perhaps, had she not moved in with Mister Kaji, she may have raised her weapon immediately… however, one of the side effects of self-discovery (for her, at any rate) was a desire to understand things before springing into action. As a result, rather than lifting her pallet rifle and stepping into the open, Rei edged Unit 02 a bit closer to the mountain it was hiding behind in an attempt to better assess the situation.

This simple move afforded the First Child the barest fraction of added reaction time… and allowed her the luxury of jerking the control yokes to the side in utter surprise as Unit 03 abruptly leapt backward, crashing down on the spot her own Unit had just vacated.

"Target has engaged Unit 00," Ibuki's voice announced tensely, "she's lost her rifle."

Indeed, Rei had not been entirely successful in evading Unit 03's wild leap, and had lost her grip on the pallet rifle that was supposed to be her primary offense weapon.

Had she been the swearing type, this definitely would have called for a few choice words.

As it was, Rei backpedaled, trying to keep the rogue Unit in her sights as it roared its outrage at her escape, smashing her pallet rifle against the side of the mountain before dropping to all fours and charging at her like a renegade steam train.

"Rei, watch out!"

A grunt of pain burst from Rei's lungs as Unit 03 hit her mecha low and inside, pitching the blue machine high up into the air and sending it crashing down on its back. In an instant, the black Unit was on her again, trying to pin her to the ground as a thick, blue liquid oozed from its jaws.

Rei twisted Unit 00 onto its side, narrowly evading a large glob of the viscous fluid (acid, she assumed) and kicking out with one leg, catching the possessed EVA by surprise and sending it flying backward.

_Suzuhara,_ she thought suddenly, _Suzuhara may still be inside…_

Wrenching Unit 00 to its feet, Rei threw the machine clumsily at the black mecha, straddling the machine before it could push her off. With no time to think, she grasped Unit 03's wrists, slamming them up over its head as it bucked and snarled, trying to throw her off.

Time was short. Options were limited.

If Touji really was still inside of Unit 03, Rei could not risk killing it.

Hikari would cry.

However, Unit 03 was clearly more powerful than 00, and it would only be a matter of moments before it shook her free… unless she found a way to immobilize it.

"Unit 00's progressive knife has been activated," Hyouga's voice reported, "Unit 02 is inbound – ETA, fifty seconds."

_Fifty seconds,_ Rei thought coolly, _all I need is to confine it for fifty seconds…_

Without an instant's hesitation, she grasped both of Unit 03's wrists in her right hand, seized her progressive knife with the left… and quickly drove the humming blade through the back of Unit 00's hand, pinning Unit 03 at the wrists.

The pain was immense, but Rei gritted her teeth, pushing the knife to the hilt in the back of her own machine's hand as the black Unit howled its outrage.

This way, she reasoned, even if it bucked her free, Unit 03 would still be held down.

"_Scree!_"

Rei cried out in surprise as Unit 03 brought its foot up at an impossible angle, kicking her Unit in the back of the head and knocking it forward onto its face. Shaking herself, the confused First Child rolled Unit 00 onto its stomach, trying to understand how the black machine had managed to make its leg move that far.

In spite of her lack of fear, Rei still found her mouth going dry as she saw Unit 03 rising to its feet, its arms stretching grotesquely until they were twice their normal length. In that moment, she knew that pinning the rogue machine's hands to the ground meant nothing.

It would still kill her.

As quickly as she could, she grabbed the hilt of her progressive knife, trying to yank it free as Unit 03 loosed a roar of triumph.

_Another miscalculation,_ Rei thought as the leering monster loomed over her, seemingly savoring its victory for a moment before tearing her to pieces. _How… unlike me…_

"Head's up."

Rei blinked at this sudden, almost flippant warning… though in a moment it became clear to her that it was not intended for her.

One minute, she was staring into the gloating eyes of the angel-infested Unit 03, and the next – as if by magic – she was looking into Unit 02's quadoptic face. For a moment, it looked as if someone had taken Unit 02's head and placed it on Unit 03's body. Upon closer inspection, however, it was clear to see that the head of Unit 02 did not quite line up with Unit 03's body… and whoever had attached it had done a poor job, because suddenly, Unit 03's neck was erupting with blood.

"And that's how we do it."

Slowly, Unit 03's headless body collapsed, soaking the ground in front of it in what seemed like a river of crimson.

"Souryu…"

Rei looked up at Unit 02's blood-stained visage, taken by how casually the pilot had slung the mecha's axe over its shoulder.

"You're welcome," Asuka's sarcastic voice came to her. "Good thing the Commander ordered me to take this instead of my rocket launcher," she observed dryly, "it would've been such a shame if you'd been hit by a stray shot."

Though she really intended to ask why the Commander had ordered the sudden change in weaponry, Rei instead found herself saying, "The pilot…"

"Ahh crap," Asuka groaned, "is he in there? He is, isn't he? _Crap!_"

Rei willed Unit 00 to its knees as Asuka radioed a call for help. The battle was over, it seemed… she only hoped that she had been successful in saving Suzuhara's life.

In spite of Hikari's childish behavior, Rei really did not want to see her cry.

Continued…


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 15

Rei stood at attention, waiting patiently for the Commander to debrief her on the battle with the angel. It was not exactly standard operating procedure to have one-on-one debriefings, of course, but Rei had long ago become accustomed to the fact that there really was no such thing _as_ standard operating procedure within NERV.

Generally, she simply kept her head down and waited for someone to tell her what to do.

After some time, the Commander finished shuffling through the papers on his desk and directed his attention to Rei. Though his voice was quiet when he spoke, Rei did not miss a single word.

"What is your primary reason for living?"

"Complementation."

"And your secondary reason?"

"To destroy angels."

Gendou nodded. "And are there any other objectives set out for you, Rei?"

"No sir," Rei replied, "those are my obligations."

"…then why did you not open fire when the angel's back was exposed to you?"

Rei kept her eyes focused on his, despite a sudden urge to look away.

"I felt I could achieve my objective while sparing the pilot's life, sir."

Gendou steepled his fingers.

"Are you romantically involved with Pilot Suzuhara?"

"No sir, I am not."

"Mm."

They stared at each other for several moments.

"Are you aware of the current status of Unit 03 and its pilot, Rei?"

Rei shook her head. "No sir," she said quietly, "I have not been apprised."

Tilting his head a bit, Gendou murmured, "We cannot confirm that the angel has been destroyed. Its biomass is still merged with Unit 03, and while decapitating it seems to have stopped it, it could simply have entered a dormant state."

"Understood," Rei nodded. "Then, Unit 03 will be destroyed?"

Gendou's lips compressed. "That would seem ideal, wouldn't it?" he said coolly. "However… we cannot yet rule out the possibility that the 'infection' of the angel has spread to the pilot of Unit 03, or that the angel has been terminated. Therefore, what do you see as our options?"

Rei considered this for a moment.

Having the Commander ask her what she thought their options were was highly unusual, and Rei was confident that the man already had his course in mind. So that could only mean that this question was a test.

A test to gauge where her loyalties lay.

"The logical course would be to destroy both Unit 03 and its pilot, sir."

"And the downsides to this solution?"

Again, Rei took a moment to contemplate.

She knew her answer immediately, of course, but also knew that the Commander would not be pleased if she did not attack the problem from every angle.

"The downsides would be twofold, sir," she said quietly, "first, an Evangelion Unit is a very costly piece of hardware, and to simply discard it when there is the possibility of salvaging it would be ineffective, from a cost point of view, and foolhardy, from a tactical readiness point of view."

"…and the second reason this solution would be inconvenient?"

_This is the true question,_ Rei thought astutely.

"It would be inhumane," she said, choosing her words carefully. "Pilot Suzuhara's friends and family members would be distraught if they learned that he was… disposed of without positive proof that his existence was hazardous, sir."

Silence fell once more.

Rei met the Commander's eyes head on, knowing that what had really been asked was, 'and would you be affected by his death?'

"Pilot Suzuhara and Evangelion Unit 03 will be quarantined until it can be ascertained which, if either, is suitable for salvage."

Nodding, Rei murmured, "Understood."

"As a pilot, you may visit him, if you like," the Commander said calmly, "provided you observe proper quarantine regulations."

Rei shook her head. "That will not be necessary," she said evenly, "as I have stated, there is nothing between us… though I would ask that a civilian, Hikari Horaki, be granted permission to visit him… if she chooses."

"Granted," Gendou said slowly, "provided either you or pilot Ikari are with her."

"Understood."

Bowing politely, Rei turned to leave.

"Rei."

"Yes sir?"

"I would like an update on your living arrangements this evening. Join me for dinner. The usual place."

"Yes sir."

Rei stepped out of the office, allowing the door to swing shut behind her with a soft click.

The hallway was quiet and deserted – two qualities Rei liked in a location – allowing the First to consider her situation as she slowly made her way towards the locker rooms. On the one hand, she had succeeded in saving the life of the person most important to Hikari… but on the other hand, the bruise on her cheek reminded her that she was not exactly in Hikari's good graces, and her actions had brought the Commander's attentions more fully to bear, making her feel as if she was walking on eggshells.

Why, then, did she save Suzuhara?

_Simple,_ Rei told herself as she neared the locker room, _friendship is not weighed on the strength of one action, or in my case, one mistake… if friendship is what we possess, then this setback shall be overcome by-_

Her thoughts were interrupted as the door to the girl's locker room opened, and the very person she was thinking about stepped out.

Rei came up short. Hikari froze.

The two stared at each other in absolute silence for several seconds, Rei with her usual neutral expression, Hikari with eyes as wide as a deer caught in a pair of headlights.

Rei found her voice first.

"Hello, Hikari."

"Er… hi," Hikari stammered, belatedly letting the door swing shut.

"May I speak with you?" Rei said immediately. "I would… like to explain-"

"No," Hikari cut in sharply, "you don't have to explain – you made it pretty damn clear in my room, didn't you? You don't have to say _anything_."

Rei, so inexperienced in dealing with people, spoke the first words that came to her mind.

"My feelings haven't changed."

"Ha!" Hikari snorted, sidling to the side in an attempt to get around the blue-haired girl. "See? I told you, you don't have to say anything. I'm with Ikari, do you get it? I like b-"

"I understand," Rei interjected smoothly. "And I respect your feelings… though I would appreciate it if you did not bring Ikari into this matter."

Hikari's eyes flashed. "Are you saying I'm using him?" she demanded, "Because-"

"Yes."

Hikari's mouth kept moving, though no words came out.

Waiting only a moment, Rei said, "I can only apologize for my actions, Hikari, and say that… I would still like to be your friend, if nothing more. But it would mean a lot to me if you did not complicate Ikari's life any further."

For a full minute, Hikari simply stared at her, dumbfounded. Then, slowly, her cheeks flushed and she averted her eyes. "I… I don't think we can be friends, Rei," she said softly, "not… especially not now."

"Because of what I did?"

Flushing deeper, Hikari said, "Well, that and-"

Abruptly, the door to the girl's locker room banged open.

"…and that," Hikari whispered hollowly, flinching as Asuka stepped out of the locker room, her eyes focusing on Rei's as her hands clenched into tight fists.

"You… little… _whore!_"

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji let out a deep sigh as he closed his locker.

"What a day…"

Resting his head up against the cool metal of his locker, he thought back over what had happened. First the kiss… then the fight… and finally, Maya's breathless announcement that Misato and Ritsuko were both alive, if a bit injured.

But the biggest shock – also delivered by Maya – was the identity of Unit 03's pilot.

_"No one told you?"_

He could still hear the amazement in the tech's voice.

_No,_ he thought, fighting the mingled hurt and confusion as he rose to his feet, _no one. Kensuke even GUESSED that it was Touji – but I said no way. …guess that explains why he's been absent so much lately._

Pushing away from the locker, Shinji made his way towards the door. Mulling over the billions of possible reasons why he was left in the dark would only result in a worse headache than the one he already had from attacking the first hundred or so. All he wanted was to head home, collapse into bed, and listen to a little bit of Mozart.

He was to be a little delayed.

"_…whore!_"

Shinji blinked as this lone word reached his ears.

"That sounds like… Asuka."

The girl's locker room and the boy's locker room were located in the same area of NERV, allowing for easier plumbing. They shared two walls, heavily soundproofed, and much of the same waterline, making them almost intimately close… if not for the two foot walls that separated them. To reach one or the other, a person would have to leave the room they were in, walk several feet, and round a corner.

As Shinji did this, curious to see what had gotten the redhead so riled up, he found himself witness to a very confusing scene.

Hikari was tugging on Asuka's left hand, clearly trying to pull her back. Asuka was leaning forward, her face contorted in a rather frightening expression of borderline rage as her lips peeled back from her teeth. And Rei, looking as calm as ever, was being pushed up against the wall, with Asuka's right hand planted firmly in the middle of her chest and keeping her from escaping.

This image lasted for all of two seconds before everyone started talking at the same time.

"Asuka, let her g-"

"You tramp – why the hell are you living with Ka-"

"I am not a whore."

Shinji could tell in an instant what had happened.

_Hikari_ he thought as the yelling continued, _Hikari's__ the only one that could have told her… but why? I thought they were friends?_

"Asuka," Hikari's voice rose above the din, "You're hurting her – let go!"

"How can you defend her?"

Rei rubbed her chest as Asuka abruptly whirled on the class rep.

"W-well, I," Hikari stammered, her eyes flashing from Rei to Asuka and back again.

"Spit it out, Horaki," Asuka demanded. "Say it!"

"Say what?"

"You know what!"

"No, I d-"

Asuka slammed her fist into the wall, getting right in Hikari's face.

"You're defending her because you _liked_ what she did to you – you just don't have the nerve to admit it!"

Hikari paled.

Shinji paled too, but mostly because he was suddenly rather afraid that his presence would be noticed… and if Asuka saw him spying on a conversation that was _clearly_ intimate and private, there would be no end to the hurting she would put on him.

Quickly, he took a step back.

Unfortunately, in the silence that had fallen, the scrape of his shoe on the concrete floor was as loud as a buzz saw.

Three sets of eyes focused on him. "Er… sorry," he blurted, taking another step back. "I was just… I, um…"

This, he decided, would be a great time for an adult to come by and ask what all the yelling was about. _That's what always happens in the movies, right?_ he thought crazily. _Yeah, sure, Mister Fuyutsuki will come around that corner and say something like, 'What's all this racket?' and everyone will look embarrassed, and I'll just sneak away… yeah…_

Fuyutsuki did not come around the corner.

"Boy this just keeps getting better."

So saying, Asuka threw her hands up in the air and rounded on Rei once more.

"Talk, Wondergirl," she snapped. "What the hell gives you the right to go live with _my_ Kaji?"

Shinji, thankful that he was not the focus of Asuka's anger, shrank back against the wall, hoping he would be forgotten. Hikari, he noticed, was staring at the floor with the most confused expression he had ever seen, while Rei… simply stared at Asuka.

"What?" the redhead demanded. "What are you staring at?"

_Don't,_ Shinji thought suddenly, _Ayanami__… don't…!_

Rei, it seemed, did not hear him – not surprising as he did not speak his warning out loud.

"I was under the impression that if Mister Kaji was anyone's possession, it would be Major Katsur-"

Hikari and Shinji flinched as Asuka lashed out, backhanding Rei hard enough to send her reeling into the wall.

"Bitch!"

Turning on her heel, Asuka bowed her head.

"Hikari," she said hollowly, "you can be my friend, or you can be hers. Choose now."

Hikari looked pained as Asuka started to walk away, glancing from one Child to the next until she was staring into Rei's eyes. "I'm sorry," she croaked, turning abruptly and racing after Asuka as if catching her meant the difference between life and death.

The hall fell silent once more, as Rei slowly brought her hand up to cover her cheek.

_A matching set,_ Shinji thought suddenly, not knowing if this thought should make him laugh or cry as he stared at the First's already bruising cheek.

"Will you stay…?"

He flinched as Rei addressed him, keeping her eyes downcast as she spoke.

Feeling a bit sick, he realized that since Asuka's departure, he had taken several steps backward. "If… if you want me to," he replied unevenly.

He made no move to join her.

"I do."

Rei straightened, turning towards Shinji and closing the distance between them until she was standing at his side. Silently, she leaned against the corner where the two halls met, holding her hands out in front of her for some time as Shinji fidgeted at her side.

"Why," she said finally, "are relationships so difficult…?"

"I d-don't know," Shinji stammered, averting his eyes. "I don't know, Ayanami."

He brought his eyes up in amazement, though, as Rei spoke once more.

"I have been, by turns, too forceful, and too timid in my dealings with others, Shinji. I have tried too hard with some, while not trying hard enough with others. I cannot seem to find the balance, no matter how I try, and it always ends up with me on the losing end of the battle."

This, Shinji thought, was rather a profound statement – and not something he ever expected to hear from the reclusive First Child.

_…She called me Shinji, though._

Rei lifted her gaze. "You are blushing."

Shinji touched his cheek. "Er, I… y-yeah…"

He could think of nothing else to say.

"Do you like me, Shinji?"

Caught off guard, Shinji blurted the truth.

"…I don't know."

Rei's hands fell to her sides. "Do you think," she said softly, "that you would be offended… if I said I like you?"

Shinji felt as if his guts were being clenched in a vise.

"N-no," he whispered, "I don't think I'd be offended."

"…I'm glad."

They stood in silence for a minute, staring at one another as if expecting something magical to happen. "So what now?" Shinji finally wondered, sticking his hands into his pockets as Rei considered the question.

"I…" she said hesitantly, "have no idea…"

"Oh…"

Slowly, Rei touched her cheek. "I will need to explain myself to Mister Kaji again," she said quietly.

Shinji glanced at her. "Why?"

Rei shrugged. "He is concerned for my wellbeing." She looked into Shinji's eyes. "Much as Major Katsuragi seems concerned for yours."

Pursing his lips, Shinji muttered, "She doesn't care about me… all she cares about is having a pilot."

"I see," Rei mused. "I was mistaken, then. It appeared to me that she was genuinely worried about you when you were recovered following the incident with the twelfth angel."

"Mm," Shinji grunted, offering no formal reply.

It was far easier, after all, to believe that someone was using you rather than admit to yourself that they might actually care.

"May I give you something?"

Shinji blinked, looking up as Rei stepped away from the wall. "Sure," he said slowly, "what is it?"

Carefully, Rei placed her hands on Shinji's shoulders, leaned in, and pressed her lips lightly against his cheek.

"…oh."

"I… would like to spend more time with you, Shinji."

Blushing furiously, Shinji replied, "Y-yeah."

It was odd, Shinji thought as the blue-haired girl stepped back, but he was not blushing from her proximity… he was blushing because in his mind, he could imagine how it would look if his father happened to find them like this. It would not occur to him until later that maybe thinking of one's father while being kissed by a pretty girl might not exactly be the healthiest mindset – especially when you were trying to decide if you liked the girl or not.

As it was, he simply returned the gesture, offering Rei a delicate, almost ritualistic kiss just under the bruise Hikari had given her the night before.

The symbolism, of course, was lost on both of them.

Continued…


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 16

Kaji did not bother looking up from his snack as he heard the sound of a key sliding into the front door lock. If it was someone coming to kill him, he figured, they _probably_ wouldn't have a key… and if they did, and were bold enough to just walk through the front door, then more power to them.

He could kill with a fork just as well as a gun, anyway.

"I am home."

"Welcome home."

Rei closed the door behind herself.

Kaji sighed.

"Lock it."

The blue haired girl looked at him blankly for a minute until he pointed to the door.

_I'm gonna get her to remember that if it's the last thing I do,_ Kaji thought darkly. _Honestly, how hard is it to remember to-_

His thoughts trailed off as Rei finished locking the door and stepped further into the apartment. "Been hanging out with Hikari again?" he sighed, shaking his head as the girl absently touched her newest bruise. "I don't know what the Commander's been teaching you about friends, Rei, but when they beat the crap out of you, it's time to look for new ones."

"Hikari did not do this," Rei said simply. "It was pilot Souryu."

Kaji pursed his lips. He could only think of one reason for the Second to move from verbal to physical assault.

"Found out, did she?"

"Yes."

"Ah."

_Could be worse, _he thought pragmatically, _at least she's not pounding on the front door, demanding to stay too._ He grimaced at a sudden thought. _Unless she's packing.__ With Misato laid up in the hospital, it's not like she'd stand in the way._

Shrugging, he pushed the gruesome thought away. "Hell of a day, huh?" he said lightly. "Angel fights… human fights… it makes a guy wonder if his roommate doesn't secretly _enjoy_ confrontation."

Rei simply stared at him, wondering if it would be horribly rude to just go to bed.

It seemed that their conversations were moving away from companionable discussions between friends and into the realm of parent/daughter lecturing, a trend Rei did not like in the least.

"Cake?"

Glancing down, Rei finally noticed what Kaji was eating. Her brow furrowed ever so faintly as she noticed that half of the store-bought chocolate cake was missing – and she was sure that it had been whole when she'd left for school that morning.

She was just opening her mouth to decline his offer when Kaji said, "Have you ever _had_ cake, Rei?"

Rei closed her mouth.

The Commander had never been a cake and ice cream kind of guardian… and Rei was not exactly outgoing, so she was not invited to many birthday parties when she was younger – and the Commander never allowed her to go to the ones she _was_ invited to anyway. She had never been to a wedding, and had been taught from an early age that healthy eating was important and sweets were something to be avoided.

"No."

Kaji turned his chair around.

"Come."

Rei stared as the man pointed to the floor in front of his seat, showing no sign that he was anything but serious. Slowly, she stepped closer, moving forward until she was standing right in front of him.

"Open."

Again, Rei just stared.

"Open… your… mouth."

The absurdity of the situation was too much for Rei to bear. "I… do not wish to," she said quietly. "I-"

"Do it or get out," Kaji interrupted, sticking his fork into the slice of cake on his plate and braking off a large bite. "My house, my rules. Open your mouth."

"You would… ask me to leave because I won't eat cake?" Rei asked, unable to hide the note of incredulity in her voice.

"Damn right I would," Kaji declared. "Last chance. Open up."

Slowly, Rei's mouth opened.

"Eat!"

Abruptly, rich, room temperature chocolate was shoved into her mouth, dissolving almost the second it hit her tongue. Rei closed her lips around the fork to ensure that none of the sticky substance spilled on her clothes as Kaji slowly pulled back, watching her closely for her reaction.

"Well?" he prompted as she slowly began to chew. "Good, isn't it?"

After several seconds of chewing, Rei swallowed. "It is…"

"Yeah?"

"…too sweet."

Kaji grinned as the girl turned away.

"Then why are you blushing?"

Rei came up short. "I am not blushing."

"Yeah you are."

"I am not."

"Are too."

Closing her mouth, Rei realized that this childish argument was not one she was likely to win. Better to just let the man believe what he wanted.

A little flush was not a 'blush' anyway.

"Hell of a day today, huh?" Kaji repeated softly, absently bringing the fork to his lips and licking a bit of chocolate Rei had missed. "Shame about the Fourth, though."

Rei glanced over her shoulder. "I… don't understand."

_The Commander said he was to be quarantined,_ she thought with some confusion.

Kaji set his fork down. "I guess you wouldn't know this," he said evenly. "He had to be sedated when he woke up… he was screaming and throwing things around the hospital room – kept raving that they'd never get him into 'that monster' again, so they'd better just let him out."

"Oh," Rei said, nearly weak with relief, "no, I was not aware of that."

"…did you think I was going to tell you they'd killed him?"

Rei stared at the man, impressed by his intuition. "Yes," she said quietly, seeing no reason to hide it. "The Commander mentioned that Suzuhara may have been contaminated, so his death was, and still is, a real possibility."

_Ah,_ Kaji thought, _new information. Didn't know WHY he was being isolated… thanks, Rei._

"Hey, pull up a seat," he said suddenly, "have a slice. Cake tastes better when you eat it with someone else. Clinically proven fact."

Rei doubted very much that there were any documented results to back Kaji's claim, but countered with the simple, "It is too sweet," rather than pointing this out.

"Come on," Kaji chided, "I saw your face, I know you liked it. Have a whole slice, and you'll be looking for clean panties!"

This time, Rei did blush… if faintly.

"Are there any topics that do not bring you back to the subjects of food and sex?"

Kaji rested his arm on the table and leaned closer to Rei, his eyes gleaming in the light from the kitchen as he whispered, "Life is hard, and short, Miss Ayanami… you should have as much good food and good sex as you can, because you never know when it might be the last time you get it."

Rei considered this statement for a long moment before slowly replying, "Are you… recommending that I engage in se-"

"Ha!" Kaji broke in. "Nice try! No, Miss Ayanami, I'm not saying you should go out and start sleeping around… you're not pinning that one on me – if you choose to share your bed with someone, it's on your own head, not mine."

"But… you would not be upset if I did…?"

Kaji slapped his hands over his face. "Talking to you gives me a headache," he said, his voice muffled by his palms. "I'm not your parent, I'm not your guardian, and I'm not your superior – I'm just some guy you live with, ok? So stop trying to get me to validate your desires. Make your own damn decisions."

Lowering her gaze, Rei replied, "Your opinion is important to me, Mister Kaji. I-"

"My opinion is that you should stop trying to get me to say that it's ok for you to have sex," Kaji cut in flatly. "My opinion is that you're too young to even _think_ about stuff like that, let alone _do_ it. Look," he said earnestly, pulling his hands away from his face and spreading them out to the sides in exasperation, "what are you trying to accomplish, hm? Dating a bunch of people, making out with another girl, asking me if I'd be ok with it if you had sex – why? Why are you doing all of this, Rei? What is it accomplishing?"

"I am spre-"

"_Don't_… say it again."

Rei stared as Kaji got to his feet and towered over her.

"Stop falling back on that stupid saying," he said coldly. "You don't _have_ wings, Rei – get it? There's nothing to spread! Humans are earthbound creatures – we _can't_ rise above… that's why NERV exists. That's why SEELE exists. That's why _YOU_ exist!"

Like a puppet with its strings cut, Kaji slumped back into his seat, covering his eyes with one hand as Rei stared down at the floor.

"Sorry," he whispered. "That was… God, 'uncalled for' doesn't even begin to cut it…"

"No," Rei said softly, hesitantly laying her fingers on top of his hand and drawing it away from his eyes. "You are right. That is the reason I exist in this world. I do not know how much you know about my nature, but you are entirely right. My sole purpose is to-"

"Shh."

Rei fell silent as Kaji laid a finger against her lips.

"Even if you only exist to lick the Commander's boot, it's not my place to slap you down," he said seriously. "It was a shitty thing to say… and I'm sorry."

Slowly, Rei took his hand in hers, moving it from her lips over to her cheek.

"Rei-"

"Goodnight, Mister Kaji," she said quietly, cutting him off before he could say another word. "Pleasant dreams."

Holding his hand against her face for a moment longer, she met his gaze head-on. Finally, she released him, stepped away, and walked into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

"Ohhhh man…" Kaji groaned, regarding his hand for a moment as the sound of running water reached his ears.

_Get out, man,_ his mind told him, _the longer she stays, the more comfortable you get, and the more comfortable you get, the more likely it is that she'll be staring up at you, covered in sweat, moaning your name while you f-_

Kaji cut this thought off with a ruthless mental snap, yanking his plate closer and digging his fork into the chocolate cake once more. Shoveling a large bite into his mouth, he grimaced.

"Feh!"

He grunted, shoving the plate away and throwing the fork across the room.

"She was right," he muttered disgustedly "it really _is_ too sweet."

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji flinched as the front door to the apartment banged open. "Umm… hi…?"

"Did you know?"

The Third paled. He knew the voice, he knew the question… and he knew that if he ran away, what he was cooking would burn.

_How did she time it so she'd come in right when I was in the middle of sautéing?_

The she in question stalked into the kitchen. Or rather, she strode in calmly, folded her arms over her breasts, and waited with an expression of absolute patience on her face, as if she had all the time in the world for Shinji to reply to her simple inquiry.

Shinji had simply _expected_ her to be stalking, and was thus rather off guard by her demeanor.

"Did I know… what?" he asked, hoping he could bank on her repeatedly stated opinion that he was an idiot to delay the verbal flaying he sensed coming.

Asuka was having none of it. "Did you know, or not?" she asked softly. "Tell me the truth, Shinji."

Shinji wet his lips. It was early morning… and Asuka had been out all night. No matter what response he gave, he figured, she was going to be cranky about it.

_Might as well just say it and get it over with…_

"…yeah, I knew."

Immediately, Asuka strode over to the stove, turning the gas off and grabbing the front of Shinji's apron.

"Tell me what's better about her."

"I… huh?"

"You're screwing her, aren't you?"

"_What?"_

"No," Asuka muttered to herself, "you wouldn't have the guts."

Shinji blushed brightly, but before he could say anything, Asuka was talking again.

"What makes her better?" the redhead demanded quietly. "The Commander, Hikari, Kaji, you, everyone thinks she's so goddamn perfect. Tell me why, Shinji. Hikari told me First made dinner for you, so I know you're seeing her. Tell me what makes her so great."

"W-well, shemmmph!"

Shinji's eyes nearly bugged out of his head as Asuka yanked him closer, covering his mouth with her own and giving him a deep, French-kiss.

"She ever do that?"

Shaking his head as the Second pulled back, Shinji could not manage to actually speak.

"She's a freak, Ikari," Asuka whispered seriously. "Do you know what she did to Hikari?"

Wide-eyed – and a little scared by the redhead's intensity – Shinji shook his head.

Asuka brought her mouth right next to Shinji's ear.

"N-no way," Shinji gasped, blurting the first thing that came to mind. "She wouldn't… do that…!"

"Where do you think she got that bruise?" Asuka whispered, keeping her mouth next to Shinji's ear. "I'm telling you, Shinji… she doesn't care about you, she's playing you for a fool. She even told Hikari that there's a _third_ person she likes…"

Shinji's shoulders slumped. "…no. You're lying. You're lying because-"

"Shh…" Asuka cut in, moving around until her lips were brushing Shinji's. "You know I'm not."

Closing his eyes, Shinji took a deep breath and whispered, "So what?"

Asuka blinked. "Huh?"

"I said so what," Shinji repeated softly. "Why do you care anyway? I don't care if she's using me… at least she's nice to me."

Asuka's eyes flashed. "You're a loser," she hissed. "She's running around with another guy – _and_ another girl!"

Shinji nodded, shrugging out of Asuka's arms as he replied, "Yeah but… she's with me, too…"

Throwing her hands up in the air, Asuka snapped, "So that's it? All it takes for you to be someone's lapdog is for them to be nice to you?"

Shinji's voice was barely audible as he replied.

"…yeah."

"Unbelievable!"

Abruptly, Asuka draped her arms over Shinji's shoulders, half closing her eyes as she leaned in close, letting him feel her breath on his throat.

"I can be nice too, Shinji," she whispered, pulling him a bit closer to allow him to feel how soft her body was. "Will you be with me?"

Shinji felt like he was drowning. "But… but you don't want to be with _me_," he nearly sobbed.

"What if I did?"

A chill ran up Shinji's spine as Asuka's lips brushed his throat.

"Maybe I was wrong, Shinji… maybe you're not that bad. If I asked, would you be with me, too?"

"But I'm with Re-"

"She's not with you," Asuka cut in sharply, softening her voice as she continued, "I mean she's not with _just_ you… so you don't have to be with _just _her, right?" Before Shinji could reply, Asuka added, "I'll even go a step further and promise not to go out with other guys while we're together. Is it a deal?"

Shinji honestly did not know what to say. He knew, on some level, that Asuka was up to something – what, could not guess (revenge seemed too pedestrian for these lengths), but she was acting way too collected and rational for this to be a spur of the moment decision. Then again… his need to be accepted and liked by those around him was far too strong to simply dismiss her offer out of hand, so when his throat let out a croaking 'deal' it was issued into Asuka's shoulder.

"Good."

Asuka took a step back, leaning against the table and watching in silence as Shinji resumed cooking breakfast. Her placid blue eyes showed not a trace of her intentions, leaving Shinji with only his own suspicions as to what motivated the Second's sudden shift in attitude.

None of them were right.

Continued…


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 17

Heavy panting filled Kaji's bedroom, punctuated by the occasional sound of someone swallowing – the kind of noise one makes when one's throat is too dry. Maya stared at her right hand, watching the fingers twitch slightly as her breath burned in her lungs and wondering if what had just happened was some kind of dream.

"Th… that…" she gasped, shivering as she felt a hand running from the base of her spine all the way up to the back of her neck. "Kaji… God that was…"

"Horrible?" Kaji supplied quietly. "Gruesome? Disgusting?"

Maya closed her eyes, swallowing once more and finally getting her breathing under control. "Intense," she managed. "Way… intense." Licking her lips (they too, were rather dry) she softly whispered, "That was nothing like last time… what got _into_ you…?"

She drew a sharp breath as Kaji leaned down, biting her on the top of the ear.

"Are you complaining…?"

"No, of course not," Maya said quickly, "it's just… wow…"

"Glad you approve," Kaji laughed.

Maya yelped in surprise, her eyes widening as Kaji rolled her onto her back. "A-again?"

Kaji grinned. "What, you're not up for it?" he winked. "No, I don't have the energy I had when I was a teenager… I just want to kiss you."

Closing her eyes, Maya welcomed his deep, sensual kiss, moaning in the back of her throat as he suckled lightly on the tip of her tongue. _Ohhh__ I lied,_ she thought guiltily. _I lied to you Rei… I KNOW I'm in love…_

Was it really only three hours ago that she was cleaning up the last few details of the nightmare at Matsushiro? By all rights, she should be dog-tired… but forty minutes with Kaji had made her forget that she even needed sleep. He had been so persuasive when he had called… and so forceful when she arrived, that only the sheer magnitude of the disaster had kept her from forgetting that it took place at all.

"Well maybe," Maya managed between kisses, "I could be… persuaded… to go… another round…"

Kaji pulled back a bit. "Didn't I just say I didn't have the energy for it?" he asked, sliding over on top of her in spite of his words. "Better be quieter this time, though… you'll wake Rei, and she can be-"

"Rei's home?" Maya gasped, paling considerably. "When… I didn't know she was here!"

"You walked right past her when you came in," Kaji pointed out. "She's on the couch. Where did you think she'd be?"

Maya looked pained. "Well, you didn't… really give me a chance to look around," she stammered.

Kaji frowned. "What difference does it make?" he wondered. "She knows we do this."

"Well… well I know she _knows,_" Maya babbled, "but I didn't really… want her to _hear_ us, Kaji…"

Sitting up as Maya cast around for her bra, Kaji said, "Why are you getting all worked up about this?"

"Because it's private!" Maya exploded, blushing as Kaji's jaw fell open. "Sorry," she said quickly, "I just… you know stuff like that bothers me, Kaji – why didn't you tell me?"

Kaji grabbed her wrist, stopping her from fumbling her bra on. "Because it's none of her business," he said flatly, all traces of humor absent from his voice. "She wanted to live here, so if she has a problem with me bringing a woman home, she can damn well get out."

"That's, I mean-"

Cutting her off in mid-babble, Kaji said, "If she has a problem with hearing you scream… she can sleep somewhere else… got it?"

Maya swallowed, staring with wide eyes into Kaji's unsmiling face.

"You're hurting my arm."

Kaji released her.

Rubbing at her wrist, Maya covered herself with one arm as best she could and stared down at her toes. She flinched as Kaji cursed and swung his legs out of bed, tugging his boxers on and starting for the door.

"W-wait…!"

Kaji glanced over his shoulder, and in spite of her intentions, Maya cringed back.

"I umm… I'm sorry," she whispered, "I overreacted. I just… I don't want Rei to see me like that, ok?"

"Like what?" Kaji asked quietly.

"Well," Maya murmured, "you know, like… like _that_ kind of woman – a woman who-"

"Has sex? Sleeps around? Screws? What are you going for here?"

Maya went dead white. _Why?_ she thought desperately, _Why is it turning out this way?_

Kaji leaned against the door, folding his arms over his chest. "I hate to break it to you, Ibuki," he said calmly, "but you _are_ that kind of woman… and it's not a _bad_ thing. So you enjoy your body, who cares? Do you think Rei won't, when she grows up?"

Bunching a fistful of the sheet in one hand, Maya whispered, "I doubt Rei thinks about that kind of stuff, but-"

Unable to contain himself, Kaji laughed out loud.

"God, you're more naïve than I thought…"

Blushing bright red, Maya threw the covers back and snatched her panties up off the floor. "I never knew you were this cruel," she sniffed, yanking her underclothes on and grabbing her shirt off the corner of the bed. "I'm leaving!"

Kaji sighed as the woman pulled her skirt up and shoved her arms into her shirtsleeves. "Ibuki," he said patiently, "it's been a hard day for everyone… don't make it harder."

"What?" Maya exclaimed. "Don't make it harder? Are you trying to tell me that your day has been worse than mine? Because I'll tell you-"

"Two friends I've known since college were nearly killed in a massive explosion," Kaji cut in deftly, "and I had to drive to Matsushurio and back to make sure they were alive before filing out huge stacks of reports… and to cap the day off, my girlfriend flew off the handle and got into a huge fight with me, _almost_ ruining the memory of some truly fantastic sex." Twisting the doorknob, Kaji whispered, "How about you?"

Maya was red all the way to the tips of her ears. "S-sorry," she sobbed, "I just… I'm too tired to deal with this. I know… I know it was a hard day for everyone – so I think I should just go home so I can think, ok?"

"I'm not stopping you," Kaji said quietly, "but I think maybe you should just get back in bed and stay here with me so we can work this out."

Rubbing at her eyes, Maya said, "I don't think I can, Kaji – I'm too confused."

With a sigh, Kaji opened the door.

"Don't let this ruin us."

Maya nodded. "I'll… I don't know," she whispered, "I want to say I'll call you, but that's such a cliché… so… I'll come back when I've got everything figured out."

"Alright," Kaji nodded.

"I love you."

There was a moment of frozen time, wherein Maya's eyes widened with the realization of what she'd said, and Kaji's face showed every bit of the surprise he felt. Then Maya was bolting through the door, heading for the front of the apartment with nothing but escape on her mind.

She might have made it, too, had she not run headlong into Rei, who happened to be passing the bedroom on her way into the kitchen.

"Kya!"

Maya cried out as she tumbled to the floor, landing in a heap of tangled limbs and bedclothes. She groaned, rubbing her head as she tried to get her bearings.

"What… happened…?"

"Miss Ibuki."

"Hmm?"

Looking down, Maya found herself staring into Rei's eyes.

"Your leg," the First said quietly, "could you move it?"

When she finally figured out where her leg _was_ and why its presence could be deemed uncomfortable, Maya's overworked mind could not compensate.

Softly, she began to cry.

Kaji rubbed his eyes. "Come on," he murmured, crouching down and slipping an arm around Maya's waist. "Come on, Ibuki…"

"M-Maya," the tech hiccupped.

"Come on, Maya," Kaji said soothingly. "I can't let you drive like this. If anything happened to you, I'd never forgive myself."

Maya leaned weakly against Kaji's side, unable to contain her tears as he led her back to bed, helped her undress, and tucked her in. "Sorry," she sobbed, clinging to his arm as he moved to leave. "I'm sorry I said that – don't… don't break up with me, ok?"

Kaji gently pulled his arm free, taking her hand and lightly kissing it before putting his hands on her shoulders and pushing her back down on the bed. "Sleep," he ordered, "don't get out of bed until I tell you to. Don't worry," he said, giving her his best smile, "the only way I'd break up with you wanted me to."

Closing her eyes, Maya whispered, "That would never happen…"

Kaji's smile faded.

"…never say never, Ibuki," he advised.

Maya was already sound asleep.

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji cursed, his plugsuit slipping out of his fingers as he tore it from the locker. "Come on," he growled, leaning down to pick it up, "it's almost here!"

The angel had come so fast that they weren't even going to be able to get to the surface. Asuka, who had been on active duty, was already in the Geofront, waiting to snipe the angel as it broke through… and he was here, dropping his stupid plugsuit on the floor and fumbling around like an idiot.

"Come _on!_"

Finally getting his fingers wrapped around the suit, Shinji tugged it on, shoving his arms into the sleeves and pressurizing it before sprinting out into the hallway. Sadly, as with Maya before him, Shinji was in such a hurry that he did not see Rei until he was running into her.

"Ow," he groaned, rubbing his head as he quickly scooted off of the First's chest.

_Tell me I didn't grope her again,_ he thought miserably, thinking back to the incident just before the fifth angel, _please tell me that much!_

"Wow," a strong male voice mused, "Shinji's hands are faster than mine."

_Damn it!_

"Kaji," he blurted, hurriedly getting to his feet and offering Rei a hand up. "Miss Ibuki, hi…"

It was only belatedly that he noticed the tech… but he was sure that her eyes looked a bit red around the edges as she gave him a half-hearted smile.

Rei leveraged herself up with Shinji's assistance, neglecting to brush off her skirt as she started for the locker room. "Will you wait for me?" she asked, pausing with her hand on the doorknob.

"Sure," Shinji said, thinking momentarily of Asuka's earlier interrogation as the First stepped into the locker room.

_So am I the other guy,_ he thought suddenly, _or is the other guy the other guy? And… and that thing with Hik-_

"Door's closed, kid," Kaji interrupted his thoughts, "unless you have x-ray vision, you're not gonna see her butt until she comes out again… though in that plugsuit, it's a much better sight."

Shinji colored. "I wasn't looking at her b- oh never mind…"

His shoulders slumped as Kaji let out a short laugh.

_Why do I even bother?_

"Where did Miss Ibuki go?" he wondered, noticing that the woman was no longer at Kaji's side.

"Bridge," Kaji said simply. "Where did you think she'd go at a time like this – the break room?"

"Well, I just thought… she'd wait or something," Shinji mumbled awkwardly.

_Why would I think that?_ he mused, letting silence fall as they waited for Rei. _She's not my friend, or Rei's… and Misato's been spending a lot of time with Kaji, so she couldn't be-_

"I am ready."

Shinji glanced up as Rei came out of the locker room.

_One of these days,_ he thought as they all headed towards the EVA cages, _I am going to get to finish a thought…_

( 0 0 0 )

Sitting in the entry plug, Rei felt completely at peace. Things seemed to be stabilizing in her relationships – or at least, they were becoming more crystallized. Kaji had become more comfortable with her, Ikari had agreed to spend more time with her, and Hikari… well, Hikari had made her feelings perfectly clear, so Rei was no longer required to spend energy thinking about 'what ifs' and 'if onlys.'

_I suppose it is for the best,_ she thought as the plug was inserted into Unit 00. _Relationships of that nature are generally frowned upon._

Though this was the case, she still found nothing wrong with her feelings. Affection was affection, in her eyes… regardless of age, gender, or creed. Unfortunately for her, society (and more importantly, Hikari herself) did not seem to share this opinion.

"How… sad," she murmured.

"Rei," Misato's voice came over the tactical network, "are you ready?"

"Yes ma'am," Rei replied, using her years of training to remove herself from the emotions currently stirring within her. "What is my position?"

"Defense," Misato replied tersely, "or offense, I don't really give a damn at this point – just get your ass up there and back Asuka and Shinji… the angel's coming through now. Asuka will engage in less than twenty seconds… Shinji will be up in thirty."

"Understood."

Unit 00 shuddered as it was moved to the catapult.

_They are cutting corners,_ Rei thought, _moving us as fast as possible. This angel… must be powerful._

"Unit 00, go!"

Rei grunted softly as her mecha was launched to the surface, unprepared for the suddenness of the liftoff.

This was definitely not a good sign.

Nor was the panicked cry of, "Why won't you collapse, damn it?" that greeted her upon reaching the surface.

The angel, it seemed… was already there…

Continued…


	18. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 19

Kaji woke with a start, blinking in the darkness of his room as he tried to figure out what had woken him. It had been a ragged few weeks, what with Unit 01's situation, Asuka's breakdown, and the unpleasant simultaneous breakups with Maya and Misato, so he had not been getting much sleep lately.

The presence of another body in his bed made it fairly easy to figure out what had disturbed his slumber.

_You've gotta be kidding me,_ he thought incredulously, noting the undeniable presence of bare breasts pressing lightly into his side.

"Rei?"

"…yes?"

"Where are your clothes…?"

Rei shifted, brushing practically her entire body against him as she raised her head. "In the other room," she said quietly, "I felt they would get in the way."

"Of?"

"Seducing you."

Anyone else uttering these words in that tone would have sent Kaji into a laughing fit… but as far as he knew, Rei did not have a sense of humor, so this was decidedly not a joke.

"Go get back in bed, Rei," he muttered, trying to pretend that the feel of her lithe body was not affecting him. "And don't try to seduce me while I'm taking a nap – at least have the courtesy to wait until I wake up!"

"I have been thinking, Ryouji," Rei began.

"Don't," Kaji said darkly, "you're not that good at it."

"…and I have come to the conclusion," the girl went on as if she had not heard him, "that I would very much like to experience sexual intercourse."

Kaji ground his teeth in annoyance. "And this has what to do with me?"

Rei met his eyes. "You are… far more experienced than me," she said carefully.

"Gee, thanks – now get in your own damn bed!"

"I would… be honored if you were my first, Ryouji…"

Slapping a hand over his eyes (the right one – the left was under Rei's shapely waist) Kaji groaned. "It's like you don't listen," he grumbled, "you know I can't be with you, Rei, so stop asking!"

"Major Katsuragi and Miss Ibuki are no longer hindrances," Rei pointed out. "And Ikari's return is… questionable. Therefore, there is no one that would be harmed by us being intimate."

Kaji shook his head.

"Just because you _can_ do something doesn't mean you _should,_" he said quietly. "I already told you, Rei… I can't be with you."

Rei considered this for a moment. "Then… am I unattractive to you?"

"No," Kaji replied immediately, "I didn't say that… but relationships aren't just built on attraction."

"We are… companionable, aren't we?" Rei said slowly. "If I am attractive to you, and you enjoy my company… why won't you consent to be involved with me?"

Kaji rubbed his eyes. "We're going in circles," he said. "Listen, Rei, the bottom line here is that a relationship between us wouldn't work out, plain and simple. I think you're a very nice, very attractive young woman… but we will never be more than roommates, coworkers, or friends. Now I'm more than willing to be your friend – Hell, I'll be your _best_ friend, if you want me to – but an emotional or physical relationship is absolutely out of the question."

For the first time Kaji could remember, Rei looked confused. "But I… don't understand why…"

"Life's like that sometimes," he said bluntly. "You don't always get an explanation, things don't always make sense, and more often than not, you don't get what you want." Sighing, he looked at his watch. "Look," he murmured, "I have an appointment I have to get to. I'm sorry, Rei… but this is the last thing I'll say on this subject – I will not be anything more than your friend. Do you understand?"

Slowly, Rei nodded.

"Good," Kaji said firmly, slipping out of bed and casting around for his pants. "Now, I _do_ want to be your friend, Rei, so when I get back, let's go do something fun, alright? With our clothes on. As _friends._"

Rei nodded again, though she did not look him in the eyes as he finished dressing.

Sighing, Kaji reached out and put a hand on her head, gently ruffling her hair. "You're cute, Rei," he said lightly, "but you're a handful. I shouldn't be gone long."

"Alright."

Giving her one last pat, Kaji started towards the door. "Be good," he said, waving over his shoulder as he stepped out of the apartment, "and try to think of something fun for us to do."

( 0 0 0 )

Kaji checked his watch for the hundredth time in five seconds – or what felt like it, anyway – and found that the second hand seemed to have stopped. _No,_ he thought dismally, _it's just me… damn it, where the hell-_

He cut the thought off sharply.

It would do no good to worry about where his contact was… he would just have to be patient.

_"Good material," huh? _he thought. _It damn well better be, Asahina!_

The meeting place they had agreed on was dingy and stark, with only a lazily turning fan to break the monotonous, uniformly blank walls of concrete.

"Maya would hate this place," he mused. "Katsuragi too…"

He shook his head. _Really screwed everything up this time, didn't you?_ he thought. _Getting caught with another woman is one thing… getting caught with another woman by Katsuragi is another. _He scowled at the door his contact should have come through half an hour prior. _I'm lucky I still have the equipment to cheat on anyone, after the way she treated me._

He shifted uncomfortably in remembrance of the pain the hotheaded operations director had visited upon him.

"Bet Rei wouldn't mind an emasculated guy," he muttered darkly. "That girl… I swear. Throwing herself at me left and right – as if I'd ever break down and sleep with her."

_But you WOULD,_ he thought brutally. _If she was older – just three years, or even two… don't even pretend you wouldn't do it._

"Yeah, ok," he whispered to himself. "God, much more of this and I might do it anyway."

He could still remember the feel of her naked body up against his, and remembering her soft, faint fragrance was as easy as closing his eyes and taking a breath.

_And going to jail for a long time would be as easy as laying a single hand on one of those scrumptious little tits,_ he reminded himself forcefully. _It doesn't matter how mature she SEEMS, she's still fourteen. Yeah, so she's fourteen with a killer body that just happens to keep 'incidentally' bringing up sex, and she's offered it twice already – flat out – but she's still just fourteen. Other than her age, I really don't have an excuse since things with Maya and Katsuragi went south, and I-_

He straightened slightly, pushing the thoughts aside as the door slowly creaked open.

"Hey," he called lightly. "…you're late."

( 0 0 0 )

Rei glanced at the clock. It read ten past midnight. Kaji had been gone for exactly four hours, fifty-three minutes, and sixteen seconds.

Not that Rei was keeping count, or anything.

She blinked slowly, yawning as she finally allowed herself to realize how tired she was getting. The evening, it seemed, was a bust – all the way around. From her failed seduction to her attempt to concentrate on her studies, nothing had quite worked out the way she had wanted.

Kaji, it seemed, was beyond her reach. She understood, now, that his reluctance to be intimate with her was not something she could overcome, and though she was loathe to admit it… it probably was for the best.

_It is unfortunate, though,_ she mused, _of all of my… affections, his was the clearest. With Hikari and Shinji, I felt the need to be with them… but I did not know exactly what I would gain from their company. With Ryouji, it was clearly sexual attraction fused with appreciation for helping me rise above myself. There is no one else to whom I would unhesitatingly give my-_

She looked up suddenly as a small draft caressed the back of her neck.

The front door was open. Kaji was home.

"Welcome home," she whispered, rising to her feet and preparing to explain that she was now ready to be friends.

But it was not Kaji standing in apartment.

"Commander."

"Rei."

The two regarded each other in silence for several moments before Rei finally managed to ask the obvious question.

"What are you doing here?"

"I've come to inform you that you can return home now," Gendou said calmly. "There is no longer any reason for you to stay here."

Rei stared at the man for a moment, attacking his statement with her mind and trying to unravel the possible hidden meanings or subtexts.

Ultimately, she decided there were too many, and simply replied, "You authorized my transfer to this location, Commander… I would like to stay."

Pushing his glasses further up his nose, Gendou glanced around the apartment. "There is no longer any reason for you to stay here," he repeated, bringing his eyes back to hers. "Must I spell things out for you, Rei?"

Rei took a deep breath.

It didn't need to be spelled out… but she clarified anyway.

"Mister Kaji…?"

"…he will not be returning."

Staring down at the floor, Rei whispered, "I was under the impression that you were grateful to him for saving Sub-commander Fuyutsuki. Were there other circumstances that mitigated your favor, Commander?"

"You know I would never discard a tool I still had a use for," Gendou said calmly. "No, Rei, I didn't have anything to do with this."

Rei stared at the floor for a long moment before slowly raising her eyes. "He is not a tool."

Gendou studied the apartment for a moment before murmuring, "Semantics."

Pursing her lips, Rei began to reply, but instead of pursing the issue, she asked something that had been concerning her for some time.

"Why did you allow me to stay here, Commander?"

"I would have thought that would be obvious," Gendou said dismissively.

"I… do not grasp your reasoning," Rei confessed. "Will you explain it to me?"

Looking mildly annoyed, Gendou simply asked, "What is your primary reason for living?"

"Complementation," Rei replied immediately.

"And has living here changed that?"

"…no."

"There you have it."

Rei wet her lips. "If it had…?" she whispered. "What then?"

"I think you know," the commander said coolly. "Don't you?"

The answer, Rei realized, _was_ rather obvious.

"You would have replaced me."

Rather than answer, Gendou simply continued to take in the décor. After several minutes of quiet, he said, "You will be staying here, then?"

Rei glanced around. "May I?"

"Provided you remember your obligations."

"Understood."

"Have you eaten?"

"No sir…"

"Would you like to?"

Considering this for a moment, Rei finally whispered, "I believe that I would rather not, Commander… may I join you tomorrow instead?"

Gendou seemed unsurprised by this decision. "Yes, Rei, that will be fine. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Commander."

As the door swung shut, Rei turned to regard the apartment. She had never really believed in the power of a person's presence to alter a space, but in looking around, things definitely seemed emptier. Somehow, knowing that Kaji would never lounge on his couch, or sip a beer at the table, or pat her on the head and complain what a nuisance she was, made the apartment feel cool and vacant.

Standing perfectly still, she considered what would happen next. She would still honor her obligations, of course – the Commander had made it clear that he would just replace her if she did not – but perhaps, if she could straighten her relationships out, she might find contentment in her own existence?

Perhaps.

Glancing at the clock, Rei decided that nothing more could be accomplished with her being as tired as she was. She looked at the door to Kaji's bedroom… but while he would never be returning to it, she knew without a doubt that she would still be sleeping on the couch.

It just seemed like the proper thing to do.

She took a step towards the couch, but hesitated, an unexpected tremor of sadness running through her as the echo of Kaji's voice whispered against her eardrum.

Moving slowly, Rei made her way back to the apartment's front door… and slowly engaged the bolt.

Continued…


	19. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 18

Unit 01 reached the surface of the Geofront just in time to see the angel's paper-like arms unfurl. As Shinji was still preparing for combat, there was no way he could have stopped the onslaught that was to come.

Rei, however… tried.

"Souryu!"

Shinji watched in amazement as Unit 00 entered the scene from the left of his field of vision, colliding with Unit 02 as the angel's arms whipped forward and bringing the red mecha to the ground before the angel's attack could fully connect.

"Unit 00 has lost its power supply," Maya's voice reported, "Unit 02 has sustained damaged as well – left arm has been severed below the elbow."

Before either Unit could rise, the angel followed its physical strike with an energy salvo, catching both of its opponents completely unprepared and sending them flying in opposite directions.

"Unit 02's power supply has been cut off," Maya's voice rang out. "Unit 00 has sustained damage to its right arm and leg – Major, they're getting killed!"

"Shinji, get your ass in gear!" Misato shouted, shaking the Third from his slack-jawed gaping. "Get to position 326, I'm sending a positron rifle – Rei and Asuka will cover until you can get a shot off."

"They will?" Shinji mumbled, more to himself than Misato.

"Here it comes!"

The Evas scattered, moving in three different directions to confuse the angel as Unit 02 and Unit 00 sought out new power supplies and Unit 01 shot off towards the positron rifle.

_Nightmare,_ Shinji thought, throwing Unit 01 to the side as the angel sent a blast of energy his way. _If I wasn't so sweaty, I'd think this was a nightmare. Hell, it might still be a dream – Ayanami's usually not that aggressive in a fight…_

This thought trailed off as Shinji reminded himself that it had been Rei who had asked _him_ out. Perhaps, he reasoned, his assessment of the girl had been a tad bit off.

"I'm hit!"

Shinji came up short, whirling Unit 01 around just in time to see Unit 02 go down hard, its right leg spurting blood as the lower half went spinning through the air. Unable to follow all three, the angel had decided on the closest… and the closest happened to be Asuka.

"Rei," Shinji cried, thrusting the butterfly controls forward, "back me up!"

"Understood."

"Shinji," Misato shouted, "get to the rifle – don't diso-"

Shinji tuned her out. His mind was already made up.

Like a soldier in an old war movie, Unit 02 dragged itself along the Geofront floor, digging up huge chunks of dirt as the angel serenely hovered over it.

"Oh come _on_," Asuka shouted, "gimme a break, you pesky- _ahh_!"

The air was filled with sound as the angel unleashed a point-blank shot into Unit 02's prone form, blasting its right arm into oblivion and searing the paint off of the machine's back, leaving blackened, smoldering metal behind.

"Shinji," Asuka gasped, "Shinji, help me."

Again, it was Rei who arrived first.

"Huh…!"

Grunting with the relayed effort, Rei brought Unit 00 into action, sprinting up to Unit 02 and grabbing it by its remaining hand. Continuing her forward motion, she dragged the red mecha along the ground, desperately trying to buy Unit 01 more time.

She failed.

"_REI_!"

Shinji cried out in dismay as the angel laid into Unit 00, cutting it off at the knees while simultaneously opening fire with its energy beam and sending the blue mecha spinning gracelessly through the air to land in a messy heap not fifty feet from Unit 01's position.

"00 and 02 are down," Maya needlessly announced, "combat effectiveness is under fifty percent."

The angel swung its giant head ponderously from side to side. Units 00 and 02 were both within its reach, and like a child on Christmas morning, it seemed to be deciding which it wanted to unwrap first.

"Shinji," Asuka called, "get me out of here – I promise I'll be good to you from now on, ok? Just… just get me out of here, please, I don't… I don't want to die here…!"

Unit 01 took a hesitant step forward, its pilot's mind burning with concern as the angel slowly brought its gaze back to Unit 00. _It's going for Rei,_ Shinji thought, _it's going to kill her. Asuka… I'm sorry…_

Refusing to think any more, Shinji rushed in, positioning Unit 01 between Unit 00 and the angel and drawing his progressive knife at almost the same instant the angel cut loose, catching Unit 01 full in the chest and knocking it back into 00's struggling body.

"No…"

Asuka's whisper rang like a shout in Shinji's ears, making his heart clench in his chest.

"No, not her… it's me… you were supposed to save _me!"_

Abruptly, Unit 02 forced itself up onto its good leg and sprang at the angel, using the jets built into the machine's shoulders to assist in the jump and pulling the progressive knife from her Unit's shoulder holster even as she fell towards the angel.

"AHH!"

Screaming with rage, Asuka buried Unit 02's progressive knife in the middle of the angel's head, catching it right between the eyes as it turned – almost lazily – from Units 01 and 00. The blow would have been devastating to a human, or any animal in the world… but angels were not animals, and the blank, hollow eyes of the monster facing her showed not so much as a trace of pain as they suddenly glowed an angry, hellish white.

Unit 02 had no way of dodging, taking the shot directly in the gut and falling, in two pieces, to the ground, where it lay silent and still, its fingers still wrapped around the hilt of its shattered knife.

Shinji's mind shut down.

He was aware, on some level, that he was screaming, and that somewhere, Maya's voice was telling him that Asuka's vital signs were still active… but all he could see was the bisected form of Unit 02, and the bottom half of the entry plug poking out of the upper segment.

And all he could feel was rage, burning, white hot rage, consuming him from the inside out as he attacked the angel with a savagery that Rei would later describe as 'disturbing.' Conscious thought left him, leaving him unable to make rational decisions, until the bloodlust seemed to be eating him alive.

Then, in a flash of blue, everything went dark as his rage became Unit 01's rage, and his actions became Unit 01's actions, and as one, they brutally tore the angel to pieces.

( 0 0 0 )

Time and tide, the old saying goes, wait for no man. Life, Rei found, does go on. Shinji had been absorbed by Unit 01, and his recoverability was uncertain… yet here she was, less than twenty-four hours later, sitting at the kitchen table in Kaji's apartment and doing her homework.

The sounds coming from the bedroom made concentration slightly difficult, but the First did her best to ignore them, reminding herself that she _was_ a guest in this house, and she really had no room to complain what Kaji did with (or to) miss Ibuki.

Kaji had driven this into her head quite thoroughly one day when she had happened to glance up and make eye contact with him as he was taking Maya to the front door.

_I didn't even say a word,_ she mused, setting her pencil down for a moment and resting her chin in her palms. _He seems to invite her over only when he knows I'm here – as if he is deliberately trying to anger me._

This thought felt remarkably valid, but Rei did not want to ponder the intricacies of what that could mean, as the ins and outs of having an older man trying to make her jealous were simply unfathomable, so instead she turned her thoughts to the battle. It had been a spectacular display of violence and gore as Unit 01 – Rei refused to believe that Shinji was responsible – ravaged the angel, overpowering its defenses and casting it to the ground where, in a scene worthy of any horror movie, the purple machine began to eat.

After the battle, Asuka had been recovered… and sedated. Rei did not understand what the problem was, but she had overheard Doctor Akagi saying something to the Major about rejection and failure issues. The Second, it seemed, had been hanging by a much thinner psychological thread than anyone would have guessed.

Though Rei wondered if perhaps there was not more there than met the eye.

_It is immaterial now,_ she told herself, _Souryu__ is not allowed visitors at this ti-_

Her thoughts were cut off as the door to the apartment was suddenly thrust open. "Major," she whispered, rising to her feet as Misato entered the room like a hurricane – a hurricane set on making landfall in Kaji's room. "Major, I would not-"

"Step aside," Misato mumbled, grasping the doorknob and giving it a quick turn, "I need to see my…"

As the door was opened, Rei was treated to several sights she had not anticipated. The first, considering that her angle gave her an unobstructed view of the bedroom, was firsthand observation of enthusiastic lovemaking techniques. The second, considering that she could still see Misato's profile, was a visual lesson in exactly how fast a person's expression could travel from lustful to stunned to enraged. And the last was the testimonial that it was, in fact, possible to knock a door off of its hinges by slamming it hard enough.

"Son of a bitch."

Rei would never understand how, exactly, Kaji got his boxers on as fast as he did, but before Misato had made the journey back to the front door, he was out of the bedroom, grabbing her hand and blurting, "Wait."

The conversation that followed was more a collection of screamed epithets, desperate backpedaling and deft twisting of semantics, until Rei found that she had entirely lost track of the point Kaji was trying to make.

"Umm… Kaji…?"

All eyes turned to the bedroom door, were Maya stood, confused and uncertain. Her shirt had been buttoned crookedly, and her hair was a sweaty, tangled mess, but her eyes were clear and shining with hurt as she looked from Kaji to Misato and back again, clearly hoping for an explanation that did not involve her being shoved violently out of the picture.

Licking his lips, Kaji opened his mouth, and from the look on his face, even he had no idea what was about to come out. "Sorry, Ibuki," he whispered, tightening his hold on Misato's hand, "I-"

But he did not need to say more than that. Scrubbing at her eyes, Maya hurried out of the apartment, snatching her purse off of the end table and shoving her underclothes into it as she increased her speed and all but ran down the narrow hallway leading up to Kaji's door.

Absently, Rei noticed that the woman had left her uniform jacket behind.

"So, umm," Kaji began, clearing his throat as he carefully released Misato's hand, "here we a-"

Rei's eyes widened slightly as Misato whirled around, swinging hard not with her palm, but with a clenched fist, catching Kaji on the right cheek and slamming him to the ground.

"Fuck you."

In seconds, the purple-haired woman was gone, leaving the apartment eerily quiet and still. Kaji slowly sat up, shaking his head from side to side for a moment before slowly reaching up and pressing two fingers against his cheek.

"Sss!"

He hissed, pulling his hand away and cupping it in front of his mouth to spit into it, his eyes oddly flat and expressionless as he stared at the mingled blood and saliva sitting in his palm.

Rei stood motionless, entirely at a loss for what to do or say. Nothing in her experiences – even kissing another girl and being slapped for it – could have prepared her for the sight she had just witnessed. She was aware that the Major was rather temperamental, but the rage she had exhibited tonight took Rei's breath away.

Had she ever been that passionate about anything?

"…you didn't lock the door, did you."

Rei blinked at the sudden statement. Kaji's tone indicated that this was not a question, but Rei still shook her head.

"Son of a _bitch_ that hurt," Kaji muttered, rising to his feet and walking calmly into the kitchen to tear a paper towel off of the roll. "I should have seen that coming."

"The… major striking you?" Rei wondered.

Kaji waved the hand not occupied with wiping the blood out of his mouth. "Nof," he murmured through the paper towel, "ge'ing caud."

"May I ask you something?"

Tossing the paper towel in the garbage, Kaji mumbled, "Could I stop you?"

"Why do you say 'getting caught'?" Rei asked slowly. "It was my understanding that you were not exclusively dating either Major Katsuragi or Miss Ibuki," she paused for a moment, gathering the right words. "Why then, were they so upset?"

Shrugging, Kaji gave a simple reply.

"Perception."

"Perception?"

"Yeah," the man nodded, "perception. I never _said_ I was dating either one of them exclusively… but I never said I wasn't, either, so they both _perceived_ that I was just with them."

Rei considered this. "Then… it would be their own mistake for believing that without validation, wouldn't it?" she ventured carefully.

"Do you tell everyone you want to date that there are other people you're chasing too?"

"There is a difference," Rei began, "since I am not officially dating any of them as of yet, there is no rea-"

"Ah, the double-standard rears its ugly head," Kaji cut in dryly. "Withholding information is the same as lying." He shook his head. "You're a lot more like me than I thought, Miss Ayanami… you just have to learn not to try bullshiting a bullshitter."

"I do not follow."

Kaji folded his arms. "You're trying to convince me that it's ok for you to keep the fact that you're seeing other people from the people that you're seeing, giving them the impression, by extension, that you're seeing _only_ them."

Pursing her lips, Rei chewed on this complicated sentence. "But it is not the same," she finally replied, "because I am not making love to any of the people I am attracted to."

With a snort, Kaji countered, "So if you were screwing them, you'd tell them 'hey, can you hurry up? I've got another date in a half hour'?"

"No," Rei shook her head, trying to keep up with all the ideas coming at her, "that would be… inappropri-"

"But not as inappropriate as being up front with someone and letting them know you're not interested in _just_ them," Kaji cut in. "Does Shinji know that you're fooling around with Hikari?"

Rei fell silent.

"…and there you have it."

"It is immaterial," Rei pointed out quickly. "There is nothing between Hikari and I."

"But if there was," Kaji insisted, "would you run up to Shinji and tell him? Hm?"

More silence.

"This isn't getting us anywhere."

Kaji reached into the freezer, pushing a few items aside before pulling out a bag of frozen peas.

Rei stared at them. "I did not know you had those," she observed. "Are you… hungry?"

"Oh they're not to eat," Kaji said, slamming the freezer door closed, "I keep them around for this."

So saying, he pressed the bag against his face, sighing in relief as the cold plastic soothed his pain somewhat.

"Now this," he said, pointing to the bag with his free hand, "and that," he pointed to his liquor cabinet, "are the perfect one-two for anything that ails you. If you'll excuse me, now, I have an appointment with inebriation."

Rei watched in silence as the man went over to the cabinet and pulled out a rocks tumbler and a bottle of bourbon. Instead of pouring himself a glass, however, Kaji took the entire bottle and began walking towards his room.

"Mister Kaji?"

"Hmm?"

"About Miss Ibuki and Major Katsuragi," Rei began, "what will you do now?"

Kaji shot her an incredulous look. "Were you just sleepwalking for that whole conversation, or something?" he wondered. "It's over, Rei… what could I do now that would have any effect on this situation, hmm? They both hate me, and they both have very good _reason_ to hate me… how could I turn this around?"

Rei considered this for a moment before thoughtfully answering, "I suppose you might try talking to them and explaining your-"

Kaji's bitter laugh cut her off as effectively as if he had backhanded her.

"God," he marveled, shaking his head as he continued towards his room, "you really _are_ stupid."

Rei felt her cheeks growing hot.

"But they will both be so unhappy now."

"Happiness is the accumulation of little things," Kaji said quietly, pausing just outside of his room, "relationships… are little things, Miss Ayanami. They come… they go. Treat them like that, and you'll never be afraid of losing anything as long as you live."

As he stepped through the doorway, Rei softly whispered, "That is how I have been taught to treat them my whole life… and it has not brought me happiness."

Kaji frowned… but offered no further comments as he closed his door and got down to the serious business of drinking his cares away.

Slowly, Rei undressed, leaving her clothes where they fell and climbing into bed. For some time, she considered all that had been said, going back over what she knew of Maya and Misato's behavior before, during, and after their time with Kaji. In her analyses, she determined several commonalities… but only one that she had not yet managed to try for herself.

Closing her eyes, the First decided that this conclusion bore some more consideration, though in the back of her mind, she was already formulating potential scenarios and anticipating probable reactions.

When she finally fell asleep, much later than usual, her path was already laid out. All that remained was to wait for the ideal time to move forward and try to seize the happiness she perceived the other women to possess.

Perhaps, she mused as she drifted off, she could succeed where they had failed.

To be concluded…


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 20

Maya kept her head low and her shoulders hunched, pretending she had not heard the small, tentative voice speaking her name from somewhere near the vicinity of her left elbow. _Not here,_ she thought darkly, _not her, not now, not ever… just don't look up… don't… look… up._

"Miss Ibuki…?"

_God,_ Maya thought, clenching her teeth so hard that her jaw cracked, _just go away!_

On some level, she knew that taking out her frustrations on Rei was unfair and almost cruel, but for the life of her, she could not help it. The First was so close to the source of her anger – the Bastard, in her mind – that she found them inseparable. She hated herself for being so cold… but by the same token, she could not find a way to step back and say, 'ok, it's not _her_ fault Kaji chose the Major over you.'

"Miss Ibuki," Rei spoke once more, "I bro-"

"Ahh!" Maya cried, spinning her chair around and shooting to her feet to tower over the girl. "What? What do you _want_?"

Always a bastion of quietude and poise, Rei simply met her gaze.

"I brought this for you. You forgot it the other day."

Glancing down, Maya spotted her own uniform jacket – carefully folded and arranged – being offered to her… and suddenly, she felt like a complete and utter idiot.

"Thanks," she muttered, her cheeks burning as she awkwardly took the folded garment.

Rei nodded. "You're welcome."

Setting the jacket on her desk, Maya whispered, "I'm sorry."

"For what, Miss Ibuki?" Rei replied. "I don't understand."

Maya had to clear her throat. "For being a bitch."

"I do not hold it against you," Rei said quietly.

Considering the girl for a moment, Maya finally blurted, "I'm sorry you had to be there for that, Rei."

Rei's expression remained neutral. "Why are you apologizing for something that was not your fault?" she asked. "As I understand the situation, Mister Kaji was the one who made the decision to be with Major Katsuragi. You did not do anything wrong."

"God," Maya winced, "do you have to say it so plainly?"

"It is merely my perception, Miss Ibuki, I do not mean to upset you."

Maya forced herself to calm down. "No, I'm not mad at you," she said, somehow managing a smile, "it's… well, to be honest, I'm mad at Kaji – and myself. I shouldn't have thought I could make him love me when he still loved her. I should have seen the way he looked at her, or… or something, I don't know."

She blinked as the blue-haired girl averted her eyes. "You… should not trouble yourself with it anymore," Rei whispered, offering a short bow as she turned to leave. "Good day, Miss Ibuki."

"Wait," Maya said, quickly grabbing Rei's arm, "you… what does that mean?"

When Rei refused to meet her eyes, Maya knew something was wrong.

"Rei," she said carefully, keeping the girl's arm firmly in hand, "what happened?"

Very gently, Rei put her hand on Maya's and uncurled the older woman's fingers. "I… do not know how to say it without hurting you, Miss Ibuki," she said seriously, "please forgive me for being so unsubtle."

"I won't, if you don't tell me what's going on," Maya replied with rising panic. "What, are Major Katsuragi and Kaji getting married, or…"

She trailed off as Rei slowly shook her head.

Maya stepped closer, waiting until the girl looked up before whispering, "Where is he…?"

Rei's eyes seemed to bore into hers. "Miss Ibuki," she replied, her voice so gentle that Maya nearly broke into tears from the instinctual knowledge that the news about to be delivered was a hundred times worse than a simple wedding announcement. "Mister Kaji is… no longer going to be working with us."

For a brief and shining moment, Maya misunderstood. "So he was trans…ferred…?"

One look at Rei's face was enough to tell her that this was not the case.

"…oh God."

She sat back in her chair, her legs suddenly too rubbery to support her weight.

"W-why do you… how are you so sure?" she breathed, unaware of the tears slowly rolling down her cheeks as Rei's eyes refused to meet her own.

"I cannot-"

"Go away."

Maya rubbed her eyes, suddenly seeming much older.

"Go away, Rei," she whispered, "please just leave. I can't… I can't deal with this _and_ you right now…"

"I understand."

"…no you don't."

Maya could not stop the words from escaping her mouth, all too aware of how hateful they were… but feeling the need to vent _some_ of her rage and confusion.

"You don't understand because you're an emotionless little freak – even Sempai says so, when she thinks no one's listening. Get out of here… I don't want to see you ever again."

"Alright."

Closing her eyes, Maya tried to regain control of herself. _Don't let her leave like that,_ she thought suddenly, _it's not her fault, and she's… she's the only part of him left, now._

"Wait!"

Maya opened her eyes, but Rei was already gone.

_Damn it._

Shutting her raging emotions out – much as Rei herself used to – Maya turned back to her terminal… though after only two minutes of typing, she folded her arms on the desk and rested her forehead on them.

With no one to hear her sobs, she felt no need to hold back.

( 0 0 0 )

Rei stared up at the soft, blue sky, wondering vaguely how things had gotten so bad, but mostly just avoiding conscious thought entirely. _Somehow,_ she mused, _I have managed to find myself completely alone… again._

She knew that most normal people would have despaired at this thought, but she was not normal – and she did not need Miss Ibuki's rough observations to remind her. The idea of rising above, or (as Kaji had so casually put it) spreading her folded wings resonated so deeply with her that she knew, even with all of the setbacks she had faced, she could not give up on it.

Somehow, she felt that creating some kind of happiness for herself, no matter how small or temporary, was more important now that Kaji was gone.

_It is not so much that I owe HIM_, she thought reasonably, _but that…I owe myself?_

It came across as a question, in her mind, rather than a statement.

She was still so unsure.

"Um, can I sit here?"

Bringing her gaze down from the lofty sky, Rei found herself face to face with the first object of her affections.

"Hello, Miss Horaki."

Flinching at the formality, Hikari nearly fumbled her bento onto the ground.

The class representative, Rei decided, seemed jumpy and ill at ease – as if waiting for someone to jump out of the bushes and scream 'boo,' or, perhaps more accurately, for the other shoe to fall.

"So, er… can I?"

"Of course."

"Thanks…"

Taking a seat, Hikari opened her bento, eating in complete silence as Rei allowed her time to collect her thoughts.

"Asuka… hasn't been talking to me much lately," Hikari said awkwardly, finally setting her bento next to her and clasping her hands together on her lap.

"No," Rei replied, "I don't suppose she would."

Since her release from the hospital following her breakdown, Asuka had not spoken to anyone, really, so Rei was not surprised that even her best friend would be getting the cold shoulder, though Rei herself had no real idea of what the Second's issues were.

It wasn't as if Asuka talked to _her_, after all.

Hikari folded her hands in her lap, staring down at them for a long moment before whispering, "You shouldn't have kissed me, Rei."

Rei nodded. "I'm aware of that," she said quietly. "You… made it very clear that night."

"Are you gay?"

Blushing, Hikari closed her eyes, not wanting to see Rei's reaction… though she did not retract the question.

"No, Hikari," Rei said plainly, "I'm not."

"So… like, you're bi?" Hikari said, opening her eyes and looking uncertainly at the blue-haired girl.

"No."

Hikari laughed nervously. "What, kissing me cured you of liking girls?"

Rei glanced back up at the sky, thinking for a moment before softly whispering, "I do not like 'girls,' Hikari… I like you."

"I'm a girl, though!" Hikari said with some exasperation. "So either you're bi, if you still like Ikari, or you're gay."

Slowly turning her eyes to Hikari's Rei said, "I am not either one. I don't like girls… I only like you. I… do not have affection for any other girl besides you, therefore I can't be either bisexual or homosexual. You are one of the people I am attracted to. Nothing more, nothing less."

"God, you're so… weird," Hikari said, getting to her feet and folding her arms over her breasts. "Do you even hear what you're saying? I'm a girl, you like me, so you're gay – period."

Rei returned her gaze to the sky above.

"If your definition is that narrow… then I suppose you must be right."

"I'm not like you, Rei," Hikari said unevenly, "do you understand that? I like boys – I like Touji… not you. It'll never be you – ever – for as long as I live."

"…I understand."

Abruptly, Hikari whirled around, grabbing Rei by the shoulders and pushing her back against the bench. "How can you be so calm all the time?" she demanded. "If you really want me that bad, why aren't you fighting for me?"

Rei frowned slightly. "Do you… want me t-"

"No!" Hikari cut in, giving the girl a little shake. "I want to _understand_ you! I've always…" she blushed, but forced herself to continue, "I've always thought you were so cool. I always thought, 'wow, I wish I could be her friend…' but when you kissed me, it made me think… made me think that…"

After Hikari had been silent for a few moments, Rei softly prompted, "Made you think what?"

Hikari shrugged. "I don't know," she admitted, wiping at her eyes as she sank to her knees and bowed her head so that she was staring down at Rei's skirt. "I don't know… if I can describe it, but… I hated you for it."

Rei stared down at the class rep, not knowing what to say or do.

"I hated you for making me feel special," Hikari said quietly, closing her eyes as a few tears trickled down her cheeks and onto Rei's skirt. "I hated that… you were so gentle with me, and that you wanted me to feel the way you do. It made me feel like dirt, because I didn't. It was like you were giving me something precious, and because I didn't want it… it made _me_ dirty."

Tentatively, Rei lifted her hand, resting it lightly on Hikari's head as the girl kept speaking.

"What I hated most… was that I _did_ feel special when you said it was me you liked, and when you first started kissing me. No one's ever been that nice to me… and it made me dizzy – but then I got so mad that it was you and not Touji! I just… I'm not even making sense…!"

Rei shook her head, though the class rep could not see her, and said, "No… I understand what you are saying."

Turning her head so that she was resting her cheek on Rei's lap, Hikari closed her eyes.

"Can we be friends again?"

Gazing down at the girl, Rei whispered, "Yes, Hikari, I would like that… but I thought you didn't want to be friends anymore."

Hikari lifted her cheek, putting her hands under her head and keeping her eyes closed as she replied, "I was mad when I said that, Rei. I've thought about it a lot, and figured out that… I really do like you as a friend. I don't want to lose that." Yawning expansively, she added, "Can you be my friend, Rei – _just_ my friend?"

Rei knew that she would be foolish to ask for more than this… and though she did not say it, she knew all too well that Hikari was probably just looking for something stable, what with her crush in the hospital and Asuka acting reclusive.

But she did not begrudge the girl a little stability.

"Yes, Hikari… I would be very happy to be your friend."

"Ok," Hikari yawned. "I think I'm gonna… take a little nap. I was up all night just…" she yawned a third time, "thinking… about everything."

Slowly stroking the girl's long hair, Rei whispered, "Alright."

It was not exactly what she had been hoping for… but then again, nothing had gone exactly the way she had thought it would. Kaji was gone, Shinji was trapped inside of Unit 01, and Hikari had stated, flat out, that there would never be anything romantic between them.

Watching as the class rep gradually drifted off to sleep, Rei thought that maybe this was ok. _At least I have her friendship,_ she told herself, resting her hand gently on the back of Hikari's neck. _I am still in Kaji's apartment… Ikari will, when he is able to free himself, still be involved with me. I am still…_

"…moving forward."

"Mm?" Hikari murmured, her eyes fluttering open for a moment. "Did you… say something…?"

"No," Rei said, gently stroking the other girl's neck, "nothing. Go back to sleep, Hikari."

"O…k…"

As Hikari drifted off once more, Rei nodded to herself. Perhaps, despite all of her efforts, she had failed to spread her wings and fly…

…but she still had them, no matter what Kaji said about humans being earthbound, she still felt that she was capable of more.

_So long as I can continue moving,_ she told herself, watching her friend's sleeping face for what felt like hours, _then__ I believe, eventually… I could be happy – even if only for a while._

Unaware that her lips had curved up into a faint smile, Rei waited for Hikari to wake up. Now that they had clarified their relationship, Rei had many things to ask the class representative, and based their discussions she would do her best to keep moving forward.

And until she found more to hope for, that would have to do.

The End

Author's notes: I'm marking this as the end because as of this point, Rei will no longer be the main focus, and clearly, there will be no more interaction with Kaji. I feel that this is a good 'jumping off' point for anyone who got on board for those aspects, or anyone finding this story boring or tedious due to its length or slow speed. Now, my friends, you can consider this a complete story, and not have to worry about being bored any more.

For anyone interested in seeing how the story progresses, I've got a few more chapters up my sleeve. To those leaving – thanks for sticking around this long. For those staying – here's hoping you like what's in store.

-Random.

Deleted scene

_This scene was one of the earliest I wrote for the story, but I could never find a place to make it fit in. I'm presenting it here because… well, I'm egotistical. Hope you like it._

Rei stared at the silver tube for several long minutes, taking in every contour. It was smooth… seductive – as if it held all of the mysteries of love and affection within its shiny confines. Abruptly, as if pulling off a Band-Aid, she pulled the cap off, twisting the base until the red tip rose to the top. Again, she paused, studying the end very carefully.

It looked sleek and satiny – almost sexual – and Rei, without another thought, gave in to its call, leaning closer to the mirror and pressing the lipstick against her mouth.

Immediately, she realized that she had made a mistake. The lipstick was warm and greasy, like fat rendered from meat and left to congeal on a hot summer day, and as she spread it on, Rei realized that she was not able to get it in a straight line. Regarding herself in the mirror, she did what she had seen so many girls at school doing.

She rubbed her lips together.

The lipstick smeared.

Frowning slightly at her reflection, Rei found not a seductive diva staring back… but a circus clown, a sideshow freak – pale, dull-eyed, and painted like a whore.

"How disgusting…"

Frustrated, Rei lifted the tube of lipstick, hoping that there was some kind of instruction or tip sheet secreted inside. A noise behind her drew her attention, and Rei turned just in time to see Kaji's hand flying through the air. She flinched back instinctively, clenching her eyes closed as the lipstick tube was smacked from her hand, spinning end over end to land with a sharp crack on the hard tile floor.

Opening her eyes, Rei found Kaji towering over her, his face flushed with color as his normally calm eyes flashed with rage. An involuntary whimper escaped Rei's lips as the man grabbed her arm, whipping her around and pushing her closer to the mirror.

She trembled, afraid for the first time since feeling Kaji's hand around her throat. For reasons she could not fathom, she had angered him – no, infuriated him – and now… now she would pay the price. She waited breathlessly, anticipating what her punishment would be. Perhaps he would make her leave… perhaps he would scream and berate her… perhaps, in the ultimate act of degradation, he would take her over his knee and spank her like a little child.

None of these things came to pass.

After nearly a full minute of forcing her to look at her hideous reflection, Kaji's grip loosened, his eyes losing some of their fire as he reached out and yanked the towel off of the shower rack. Without a sound, he turned her to face him, thrusting the towel at her, then shaking his head in annoyance and doing the job himself.

Rei held perfectly still as Kaji scrubbed the lipstick off of her mouth, pursing his lips in obvious distaste as he used every corner of the towel in an effort to clean the greasy substance off of her. Finally, he gave up, literally throwing in the towel and leaning back against the wall with disgusted, self-deprecating snort.

Turning to the mirror, Rei found that she no longer recognized herself. Her face was flushed a brilliant pink, and two, faint streaks of lipstick remained on her cheek where Kaji, in his haste, had accidentally wiped them… but her lips – her lips were puffy and red, not bleeding, but not all that far off.

Still unsure of what she had done, Rei turned to Kaji, prepared to follow in Ikari's footsteps and apologize, but before she could speak, Kaji reached out and grabbed her, pulling her up against him and resting her head against his chest.

"Don't."

It was the only word he would speak to her that night. Rei was not sure if he meant don't wear lipstick, or don't talk, but in his fierce embrace, she found that it did not really matter. She would not do either – ever – if it angered him this much…

…and if he would consent to hold her like this.

Not a word was spoken as he slowly released her, bending over to pick up the lipstick and slamming it brutally into the trash can. Docile and silent, Rei followed him out of the bathroom, still confused about what had angered him, but feeling the need to stay close. She remained at his side as he cooked their dinner, saying nothing as she handed him the ingredients he gestured for.

They stood in silence as the pot simmered, watching the rolling water swirl the ingredients around. After several minutes, Kaji turned to Rei, putting his hands on her shoulders and positioning her directly in front of him. Rei remained perfectly still as he leaned forward, touching his lips briefly to her forehead in a soft, apologetic kiss. When he pulled back, his face was so sad and forlorn that Rei wanted to assure him that she was not hurt.

For some reason, though, she found herself unable to break the silence.

As they waited for their dinner to finish cooking, Rei carefully leaned against Kaji, resting her head on his arm and tentatively taking his hand in hers. In spite of his encouragement, and his slowly growing comfort with her presence, Rei found that her deepest, most experimentally romantic thoughts were not about Ikari.

She closed her eyes.

In the silence of the kitchen, with the uncertainty of inexperience, Rei thought that she might be falling in love.


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 21

Sterile white greeted Shinji as he opened his eyes, the last lingering images of his confinement induced visions fading as he slowly came to full consciousness. _I lived after all,_ he thought, blinking several times to clear the bleariness from his eyes. _How strange… I never thought I'd be happy to see this stupid hospital room._

He lifted his hand into his field of vision, curling and uncurling it a few times to see if he could. Everything seemed to be in order, and actually, he felt much better than he had in weeks. To be blunt, he felt reborn, or more accurately – remade.

Just how true this idea was, he would not find out until much later.

Taking a deep breath, he pulled himself upright and nearly cried out in surprise as he found the seat next to the bed occupied by the girl he had chosen to save in the last battle.

"Ayanami."

"Ikari."

"I'm home."

"…welcome home."

It was an oddly formal exchange, but Shinji really did not know what else to say. _Hikari,_ he thought suddenly, _Asuka_ _said she made out with Hikari…_

He wasn't sure why this occurred to him just then – there were so many other things he could have thought about instead – but he found that as soon as he thought of Rei kissing the class rep, he could not look directly at her.

"How long?" he whispered, forcing himself to break the uncomfortable silence that had fallen between them before it grew impenetrable. "How long was I gone, Ayanami?"

"Thirty-three days," Rei replied softly, hesitating for a moment before adding, "I… missed you."

Shinji managed to meet her eyes. "I'm sorry I left," he said quietly. "It feels like I was only gone for a couple hours."

As Rei could not really relate, she simply hummed, "Mm."

Silence fell again, and Shinji found that he could not hold Rei's gaze.

_Is Asuka ok?_ he thought, fidgeting with his blanket as Rei simply regarded him in silence. _She was so… so angry with me, and we were supposed to be going out. Well, hell, Ayanami and me were supposed to be going out too, but we never really did anything._

"Mister Kaji is gone."

Shinji lifted his head. "Gone?" he echoed. "You mean he moved, or he was transferred, or…"

Rei slowly shook her head as he trailed off. "He is gone, Shinji… he will not be returning."

"Oh…"

Shinji did not know what to say. _Gone,_ he thought sadly, _and Rei lived with him, so it can't be a mistake… God, Asuka must be going crazy._ He clenched his eyes closed. _That's the second time I've thought of Asuka._

At his side, Rei shifted in her seat. "I am… glad that you are back…"

Forcing a smile, Shinji whispered, "I'm glad I made it back." He opened his eyes, finding Rei rising to her feet and smoothing out the back of her skirt. "You're going, then…?"

"I need to inform Major Katsuragi that you are awake," Rei said quietly. "She has been working very hard towards your return, and asked to be notified as soon as you awoke."

Before he could stop himself, Shinji blurted, "What about Asuka?"

Rei hesitated – an odd sight, considering who she was – before murmuring, "She has been temporarily removed from active duty."

"No," Shinji breathed. "She… they can't do that – it'll kill her, she loves being a pilot!"

"It has been in effect for some time now, Shinji," Rei informed him. "She has… adjusted to it, I believe."

_So much time,_ Shinji thought suddenly, _I was gone for so much time…_

"…may I kiss you, Shinji?"

Shinji's head whipped up so fast he cracked his head on the wall behind him. "Ow," he winced, rubbing the back of his skull ruefully. "Did you… just ask to kiss me?"

"Yes," Rei said quietly, "I did."

"Oh, umm… ok…"

Closing his eyes, Shinji tilted his head back and waited. From the kisses he had experienced so far, he expected to feel Rei's lips crushing violently against his, and possibly her tongue shoving its way into his mouth.

_This'll be my third,_ he thought suddenly, tensing as Rei put her hands on his shoulders. _Third kiss, third girl… well, Hikari doesn't REALLY count, she didn't mean it._

He opened his eyes in surprise as he felt Rei's lips pressing gently against his mouth, staying in place for only a moment before slowly pulling away.

"Thank you."

"Yeah," Shinji whispered, fighting the urge to touch his lips, "sure."

Silently, Rei gave a small bow and turned around, walking out without looking back, leaving Shinji staring in mute wonder as she left the room.

( 0 0 0 )

"He is? Yes, yes thank you for telling me… ok, bye…"

Asuka stared down at her homework, her eyes moving passively over the words on the page without really absorbing them as Misato hung the phone back on its base and turned to face her.

"He's up?" the Second asked, taking great pleasure in stealing the stupid smile from the older woman's face.

"Yeah," Misato said flatly. "I'm going to see him… but I'm guessing you'll be staying here, right?"

Turning the page – though she had not learned a single thing from the previous one – Asuka muttered, "Do I have any reason to go?"

Misato shrugged into her flight jacket, making sure her hair wasn't trapped between the heavy leather and her shirt before she replied to Asuka's question. "No," she said softly, "I guess you don't… but if you want to, I wouldn't mind the company."

"See you when you get back."

"…right."

Misato headed into the bathroom before leaving, a habit she had developed since her sudden desire to binge on coffee had kicked in, leaving Asuka to stare at her schoolbook. "_She ever do that?"_

Asuka shivered as a memory of her kiss with Shinji echoed in her mind. Closing her textbook, she drummed her fingers on the cover, staring blankly at the sink, her mind providing an image of the Third glancing back at her over his shoulder, asking if she wanted seconds as he slid his own dishes into the sink.

_Shinji,_ she thought aimlessly, _would you even know me if you saw me on the street?_

Slowly, she reached up and ran her hands through her unfettered hair. The A-10 connectors that had nearly defined her life now sat on her dresser, set aside but not forgotten – never forgotten – a memento of a time when her life had meaning and direction.

She had changed herself after being kicked out of the EVA program – that's what had happened to her, she didn't care what Akagi said about it being a 'temporary suspension.' If she was looking through a time machine from the past, she doubted that she would have recognized herself sitting at the table. Blonde, chin-length hair, green contacts, minimalist makeup… no, even her grandmother wouldn't have recognized her.

Running her hand through her hair once more, she whispered, "You should have chosen me."

When Misato reached the front door, Asuka was waiting patiently with her purse – another new feature of her 'post-EVA' look – in one hand and her textbook in the other.

"I can study just as well in a hospital room as I can here," she said coolly.

"He's just woken up," Misato said sharply, "do _not_ attack him."

Asuka managed a thin, sarcastic smile.

"Yes ma'am."

The ride to the hospital was uneventful and nearly silent, with only the hum of the engine to fill the empty space between the two women. After her breakdown, Asuka had requested a transfer from Misato's apartment, but the older woman wouldn't hear of it, telling her that it would be best to be near people she knew until she recovered… though Asuka knew the truth.

Misato just didn't want to be alone.

_Selfish cow,_ she thought, casting the woman a sideways glance as they showed their IDs to the on duty nurse in the NERV infirmary. _I should have run away like Shinji always used to – then you really WOULD be all alone._

Running, of course, was not an option – not just because she had too much pride, but because Section Two would have her back and in shackles before she got five miles out of town. She may have a 'persistent mental block' preventing her from piloting, as Ritsuko had explained it, but she was still a potentially useful tool to NERV… and besides, with her intimate knowledge of the facility's inner workings, any subversive or terrorist group with a grudge would kill to have her in their possession.

Fortunately for NERV, all Asuka had on her mind was getting back into the pilot's seat.

"Is there a problem?" she asked flatly, giving the woman behind the desk a hard stare as she examined Asuka's ID.

"No ma'am," the nurse said, passing the plastic card back to the girl, "I was just thinking that you look better as a redhead."

Asuka's lips compressed to a thin line. "Yeah, whatever," she muttered, taking her card and shoving it into her pocket. "God, let's get this over with."

Without waiting for Misato, she stalked off down the hall, coming to Shinji's room and pushing the door open to find the boy just pushing his lunch tray aside. "Umm… hello," he said uncertainly, clearly trying to place her as she threw herself into the seat on the far side of the room and cracked her textbook open.

"Shinji!"

A moment later, Misato was in the room, making a spectacle of herself and doting on the young man as Asuka pretended to study. _Stop embarrassing yourself,_ she thought as Misato gushed over how good it was to have him back. _You sound like his mother._

Her ears perked up as she caught Shinji's hesitant whisper of, "Who is she…?"

_Dork,_ she thought, grinning behind her book as Misato glanced over to her, _don't even recognize your own-_

"Is she Ritsuko's sister or something? She looks just like her."

Asuka's smile collapsed.

"…idiot."

Misato, who could not stop herself from bursting out laughing at the look of shock on Shinji's face, excused herself from the room, murmuring tactfully that she was sure the two had things to catch up on.

"Stop staring," Asuka muttered as soon as the door had closed, "you look stupid with your eyes all bugged out like that."

"S-sorry," Shinji stuttered, "you just look… different."

Asuka set her textbook aside. "Well it _has_ been a month, you know," she said smoothly. "One month… a whole third of the entire time you've known me, and you slept right through it."

"Well, I wasn't really sleeping," Shinji mumbled awkwardly, "I was… I don't even know what I was, but it wasn't like sleeping."

"Disincorporated," Asuka said succinctly. "That's the word Ritsuko used to describe what happened to you. Your body was broken up into primordial soup inside the plug," she waved a hand dismissively, "it's more complicated than that, but it would take me hours to explain it to you. It's enough to know that you were gone and now you're back."

"Right…"

Asuka leaned back in the chair, throwing one arm over the back and eyeing Shinji from across the room. "Yup," she said calmly, "gone away… locked in a little box while the rest of us had to suffer out here. Must be nice to be able to just get away from it all every now and then."

"It… it wasn't like that," Shinji said slowly. "I was… kind of aware, but-"

"I don't really care," Asuka told him, shrugging as he stared at her. "You know what I do care about?"

"Ummm what?"

Asuka's tinted eyes bored into Shinji's.

"I care that the guy I was supposed to be going out with left me to die on the battle field."

Shinji flinched. "Asuka, I-"

Raising a hand, Asuka cut him off. "You have a lot to make up for," she told him bluntly.

"I know," Shinji whispered, unable to meet her gaze, "I know I do. You have to know that I wanted to save you both, though – you have to know that!"

"What I know," Asuka said coolly, "is that when the chips were down, you chose her over me." She rose to her feet, walking slowly to the bedside and taking great satisfaction in seeing him shrink back against his pillow. "Calm down, freak," she muttered, "I'm not going to hit you."

Shinji nodded as the girl sat down on the edge of the bed, facing away from him and resting her hands on her knees as silence fell between them.

It took him several minutes to gather up the courage to whisper, "How can I make it up to you, Asuka…?"

Asuka stared at the backs of her hands, running through the most hurtful ideas she had come up with over the past month. _He deserves to hurt,_ she thought angrily. _He's the reason I've lost everything!_

Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she lifted her head. "You can start by breaking up with Rei."

There was a long, terribly uncomfortable silence.

"…no."

Asuka nodded.

She had expected this reaction, if not his quiet, sure attitude. _It was worth a try,_ she thought, undeterred. _It's pretty clear that she's the one he really likes – he just 'agreed' to be with me._

The fact that asking him to be with her had been part of an elaborate plot to get Kaji's affections no longer mattered. What mattered was that they were involved… and that currently, Asuka had very few things she could call her own.

"Don't bring her over when I'm home."

"Ok."

"And don't tell anyone we're going out before I tell them."

There was a slight pause before Shinji murmured, "You still want to go out…?"

Asuka turned to look at him over her shoulder. "You don't?"

"No, I do," Shinji said quickly, "I just… I didn't think you would want to."

Abruptly, Asuka leaned back, lying across Shinji's stomach and throwing an arm over her eyes.

"You'll do for now."

Shinji nodded, watching as the girl simply lay still for a few moments, wondering what was going on in her mind. His eyes wandered to her hair – so different from the last time he had seen her. _And her eyes, too,_ he reminded himself. _She looks like a whole other person… even her voice sounds different._

"Stop staring at me, idiot."

Blinking, Shinji looked quickly to Asuka's face, but her arm was still over her eyes.

Softly, he smiled.

_She's still Asuka, though…_

Slowly, he lifted his hand, placing it lightly on Asuka's stomach and feeling her muscles tense under his palm.

"I'll try not to disappoint you anymore."

Nodding behind her arm, Asuka put her free hand on top of his. "Prove it," she said flatly. "Kiss me."

"Al-alright."

Shinji waited for her to move her arm, but when it became clear that she wasn't going to, he took a deep breath and pushed himself up to a sitting position, making her slide down onto his lap and bending down awkwardly to give her a kiss. When he tried to pull back, however, Asuka's hand shot up, wrapping around the back of his head and keeping his lips against hers for another two minutes.

"Ok," Asuka muttered, finally letting him go, "now get off me."

Raising his head, Shinji felt his cheeks flushing bright red. He wanted to ask if that was alright, but Asuka still had her eyes covered, so he simply watched her for several minutes until he realized that her breathing had grown deep and even.

Taking a deep breath, he eased himself back down, keeping his hand on her stomach and staring up at the ceiling. Since he had just gotten up, he did not feel like sleeping, so he simply thought about how much more complicated his life had just become. When Asuka stirred from her slumber after a half hour and murmured for him to move over so she could lie down properly, Shinji barely even nodded, scooting to the side to make room for her to curl up at his side.

_Well,_ he thought, deciding that since he had nothing else going, he might as well join her for a nap, _I guess we'll just see what happens next, won't we?_

Several moments later, he was asleep with Asuka's arm draped comfortably across his chest… though when he dreamed, he dreamed of Rei.

Continued…


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 22

"You should have a party."

Rei glanced up from where she was setting the table. "Pardon?"

"A party," Hikari said, surveying the contents of Rei's freezer and nodding to herself in satisfaction. "Your guardian left all this food when he moved out, right? You should use it up before it goes to waste. I mean, you're not gonna eat it, right? You don't like junk food, so you should have some people over to eat it for you."

Turning her attention back to the silverware she was aligning, Rei replied, "I do not think anyone would come if I had a party."

Hikari closed the freezer. "I would," she said brightly, "I mean, I _am_ your girlfriend, after all."

To this, Rei said nothing. For some reason, since their conversation on the bench, Hikari had taken to calling herself Rei's girlfriend – and not just when they were alone. _Such a strange habit,_ Rei mused, looking down at the neatly arranged place settings to make sure nothing was out of order. _It is as if she is reversing her true feelings as a reminder that my affections are unwanted._ She frowned slightly. _I thought we had come to an understanding… but perhaps I was mistaken._

"Shinji would come," Hikari observed, stirring their dinner for a moment before turning the heat off. "And my sister Kodama could probably get off work – she's funny, you'd like her."

"Mm."

Rei stared down at the plate in front of her. _Shinji,_ she mused, _our kiss was so different._

When she had kissed Hikari, it had been electrifying and thrilling – a first experience to remember for years to come, and at first… Hikari had reciprocated. This detail was something that Rei was sure the other girl would never share, but she could not forget Hikari holding her close and letting her mouth open to ease her tongue into Rei's mouth.

She knew, now, that the other girl had been lost in the moment, but her reaction had been so much stronger than Shinji's.

Were her feelings for Shinji perhaps not as strong as she'd thought? Or had she already lost to another without even knowing it?

_He mentioned Souryu several times when I visited him,_ she thought, bringing the plates to Hikari so the girl could serve their dinner. _Perhaps… he has feelings for her as well?_

Rei pondered this idea for a moment, taking her seat at the table and waiting for Hikari to do the same before digging in. In all honesty, she could not be upset if Shinji was involved with Asuka – not when she herself had tried to be intimate with both Hikari and Kaji.

In spite of this, she still felt an odd twinge in her stomach at the idea of the Second being close to Shinji.

"Thanks for the food," Hikari said, breaking her chopsticks apart and winking at Rei over the table, "darling."

Rei made no reply, bowing her head over her plate and starting to eat as she pondered the current situation. She had never formally invited Hikari over for dinner, but the class rep had wound up at her apartment almost every night for the past two weeks. Always bringing food with her to cook, and always helping with preparation and cleanup, but never once asking if it was ok.

Not that Rei minded the company – she still liked Hikari, after all, and eating with someone else was better than eating alone – but she could not understand why the brown-haired girl spent so much time with her.

"So you gonna do it?"

"Hm?"

"The party," Hikari clarified. "I checked in the pantry and there's nearly twenty bags of chips. Mister Kaji must have eaten like, a hundred times a day or something, because… oh, Rei, I'm sorry…"

Rei had set her chopsticks down and was pushing her chair away from the table.

"For what?" she asked calmly. "I'm just getting the drinks from the counter."

"O-oh," Hikari stammered, "I thought you were mad that I said… you know, his name…"

"Mister Kaji?" Rei murmured, waiting for Hikari's nod of confirmation. "I do not mind hearing it, Hikari. It is… a reminder, in a way. I would be unhappy if I forgot his kindness."

Hikari wet her lips. "He's the other one you liked, isn't he?"

They had discussed Rei's affections on a couple of occasions, but other than Shinji and her, Rei had never told Hikari who she liked. Rei had never avoided the question, but since Hikari had never asked her outright, it had never been spoken aloud.

Until now.

"Yes," Rei said simply, returning to the table with two glasses full of orange juice. "He was the first to suggest to me that that I might have value as a person… therefore he was the first I considered sexually attractive."

Hikari blushed. "And I was the second."

"Yes."

"…you get around."

Reclaiming her chopsticks, Rei said nothing, and for a while, they ate in silence.

Abruptly, Hikari set her chopsticks on the edge of her plate.

"Did you do it with him?"

Rei shook her head, chewing the food in her mouth and swallowing before murmuring, "No… he would not have me."

Hikari paled. "But you tried…?" she whispered hoarsely. "You did, didn't you? You tried to… to have…"

"Sex?"

The class rep recoiled as if Rei had suddenly thrown something dirty onto her plate, but when Rei simply continued eating, she slowly calmed down. "You shouldn't… do stuff like that, you know," Hikari said carefully, her tone indicating that maybe Rei didn't know these kinds of things.

"Stuff like what?" Rei wondered, cementing the idea in the other girl's head.

"S-sex," Hikari managed, having difficulty with the word. "That's grown-up stuff. I mean, at your age – our age, I mean, you sh-" she cut herself off, her eyes going wide as another thought occurred to her. "Would you… have slept with me if I'd wanted to?"

"Yes."

"Oh," Hikari whispered, her hand shaking as she reached for her orange juice and nearly slopping the drink all over the table. "Is that so…"

"Yes," Rei said evenly. "Sexual closeness is the next step past affection… and I like you."

Hikari stared at her plate for a long, long moment, pushing her food around with one chopstick as she considered Rei's words. "You know… that most people would think you're weird, right?" she said slowly, biting her bottom lip as Rei looked at her from across the table. "Most people think that, you know, doing that kind of stuff is for when you're older… and you've known your boyfriend, or girlfriend, whatever, for a while… why are you in such a hurry…?"

Rei looked unembarrassed as she replied, "Because I would like to experience closeness like that. I do not understand why anyone would willingly wait to express themselves physically simply because they have not met some undefined guideline or timeframe that no one is willing to declare or explain." She leaned a little closer to Hikari, tilting her head to the side and studying the other girl for a moment before speaking again. "My affection for you is the same as it was when I first realized that it was attraction that I felt. Waiting to make love to you as opposed to making love to you immediately would not change that."

"Ok first off, you're not going to be making love to me at all," Hikari said quickly. "Let's just get that out of the way right now. I know you're using it as an example, but, yeah, don't use me for it again, k? K. Now," she lifted her forefinger, "you're basing your conclusions off of what, a month's worth of experience? Two months? How do you _know_ that you wouldn't like me more, or less, in a year?" She lifted a second finger. "Second, you're confusing gratitude with affection – with me _and_ Mister Kaji. We were nice to you, so you like us, so you want to sleep with us… and it doesn't work that way, Rei, it just doesn't." She held up a third finger as Rei continued to stare at her. "Lastly… well, the way I was raised, sex should be important and special, not something you just do because you want to express your affection for someone – that's why you buy chocolates and give cards! If you expressed your affection for everyone you liked, do you know what that would make you in most people's eyes?"

"Hm?"

"A slut."

For the first time that Hikari could recall, Rei's face showed visible emotion, her brow wrinkling deeply as she blinked several times in rapid succession, her mouth compressing to a thin line as she stared down at her plate.

"Rei," Hikari said gently, reaching across the table and taking Rei's hand in hers, "it's ok to like someone – it's even ok to want to have sex with them… it's actually pretty common, believe me! There's a ton of guys up at school I've thought about doing it with, and if you ever tell anyone that, I'll call you a liar – but Rei," she squeezed the girl's hand tightly, "there's a difference between having a feeling and acting on it, and not every feeling is healthy or natural. Emotions are funny things – they can change… and if you do something like have sex because of something you felt, and your feelings change later… you'll really regret it, you know?"

Rei looked down at where Hikari's hand was holding hers, more confused than she had ever been in her entire life as she whispered, "I don't… understand this feeling…"

Hikari laughed weakly. "I'm not surprised," she said, "I just unloaded a whole bunch of my own ideas all over you without giving you a chance to talk back. Why don't you try to describe what you feel? Maybe it'll help you understand it."

For a moment, Rei said nothing, but when she finally lifted her eyes, Hikari nearly backed away from the intensity in them.

"I want to hurt you," Rei said simply. "It… I want to hit you for making me doubt myself, but I also…" she averted her eyes. "I also want to kiss you – very badly."

"Wow," Hikari whispered. "You really are confused, aren't you?" Slowly, she rose to her feet, keeping Rei's hand in hers as she came around the table and wrapped her free arm around the other girl's shoulders. "I don't want to be hit," she said softly, "and I don't want to be kissed by you anymore, Rei… so this is the best I can do for you."

Rei bowed her head as Hikari hugged her, resting her chin on the class rep's arm as Hikari pressed her cheek against Rei's head.

"You know what that feeling is?" she said softly. "When you love someone and hate them and you want to hurt them and kiss them and scream at them and laugh at them all at the same time?"

"What?"

Hikari held her tighter.

"…friendship."

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji collapsed onto his bed and stretched out as far as he could before letting his muscles relax and unleashing the deepest, longest sigh he could. It was over – two grueling days of tests and needle pokes to see if he was capable of piloting. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your point of view) he passed with flying colors.

Lacing his hands behind his head, Shinji thought, _Didn't see Asuka much, though._

Indeed, after waking to find himself alone once more, Shinji only saw Asuka once – and that was down the hall, where she was hounding Ritsuko's footsteps, her voice audible even from a hundred yards away as she demanded another shot at synching with Unit 02.

He still didn't know if she had succeeded in convincing the First Division head to give her a chance.

_If anyone can bully her way into a retry, it's Asuka,_ he thought admiringly. _I wonder if Langley means 'determination' in some language, because she never gives up on anything!_

Shinji may not have held this opinion had he been present for Asuka's extraction from the entry plug, or witnessed the screaming and punching fit she had thrown when she was told her synch ratio was below ten percent and been forcibly taken from the test plug and suspended from active duty.

_I still don't know who's going to pilot Unit 02._

He had asked Misato and Ritsuko both to reconsider letting Asuka try again, but both had said that the girl was unstable, and when he had pointed out that Unit 02 would not be able to fight, both had given him the exact same response.

"_That matter has been addressed."_

Somehow, this answer did not comfort him.

"Asuka should be home from school in a little while," he whispered. "Maybe I should make her something…"

Pushing up off of his bed, Shinji reached into his pocket to check his cell phone. He hissed in frustration as he found the screen flashing, 'One missed call,' along with a number he did not recognize.

He called his voice mail, but whoever had tried to reach him had not left a message.

"Well, guess I'll give them a call back," he mumbled, making his way into the kitchen as he hit redial. "Hello?" he said, leaning the phone against his shoulder as the connection was made. "I got a call from this number earlier…?"

"Ikari…?"

Shinji nearly dropped the phone. "Oh, Ayanami!" he exclaimed. "Rei, hi! I umm… where are you? I don't know this number."

"It is Mister Kaji's home phone," Rei explained quietly. "I… had a question to ask you."

"A question?" Shinji said. "Ok, what is it?"

There was a brief pause, during which Shinji was sure he could hear another voice whispering instructions to Rei on the other end of the line.

"If you are not too busy this weekend," Rei said, "I would like to know if you could come over to Mister Kaji's apartment to attend a party."

Shinji smiled. "A party, huh?" he said softly. "Is it someone's birthday?"

"No," Rei said calmly, "I simply… felt like having a party for those that I know."

She was so formal about things that Shinji's smile grew wider. _It sounds like she's inviting me to move in._

"That sounds like fun," he said honestly. "Should I bring anything?"

There was another moment of silence, during which Shinji distinctly heard another female voice mutter, "No, we have tons of stuff – just tell him to bring some friends, if he wants to."

"No," Rei said, returning to the line a moment later, "we have enough items here… but please feel free to bring your friends, if you would like."

Shinji had to hold the phone away from his mouth as a chuckle escaped him. "S-sure, Rei," he said, pausing for a second before adding, "and tell Horaki I said hi."

"Ikari says-"

"Oh give me that!"

There was a brief scuffling sound.

"Hey Ikari."

"Miss Horaki," Shinji said politely, "good to hear your voice."

"Yours too," Hikari said honestly, "we were scared you weren't coming back." As if inspired, she suddenly added, "So Rei wanted to throw you a welcome home party."

Shinji was impressed by the girl's quick thinking. "Is that right?" he asked. "Well, why didn't she say so? Yeah, I'll definitely be there."

Hikari sounded pleased with herself. "Awesome," she proclaimed, "and see if Suzuhara and Aida want to come too."

"Well," Shinji said hesitantly, "I'll ask Aida, but I don't know what Touji's been up to – I haven't seen him since I woke up."

"Oh y-you haven't?" Hikari stammered. "Then I guess… no one's told you."

Shinji's good mood suddenly vanished. _The angel,_ he thought suddenly, _the angel took him over and he… no, she just asked me to invite him so he's not dead – so why is she so ser-_

His thought was cut off as Hikari quietly informed him, "He's agreed to pilot if NERV keeps taking care of his sister. He's piloting Asuka's EVA."

Continued…

Note: I failed to acknowledge in the last chapter that Shinji comparing Asuka's look to Ritsuko's was MacBeth2001's idea. And yes, Asuka's makeover has a point, it just hasn't been fully revealed yet.


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 23

The days seemed to whirl past, bringing Saturday around before anyone could properly catch their breath. Hikari found her excitement building by the hour as the time of the party drew closer. She knew there probably wouldn't be a large turnout – Rei was right about that much – but there was at least one person she hoped would show up.

She just hoped that if he did, she would be able to say what was on her mind.

"Everything's ready," she announced, moving one of the dip bowls a few inches to the left as Rei looked on.

Hikari had promised to help with the preparations, but considering that she was one of the fussiest people Rei knew, she had ended up doing everything herself, leaving Rei with nothing to do but watch. Not that Rei was complaining, of course. She still had reservations about the party in the first place, especially the impulsively added 'welcome home' theme Hikari had added at the last minute.

What Rei really wanted was to speak to Shinji in private for a few minutes and, if possible, ask for another kiss, because – with the aid of hindsight – her kiss with him had not been worse than her kiss with Hikari, just different… and she was quite interested in exploring that difference.

"Hey!" Hikari said suddenly, drawing Rei from her contemplation of Shinji's kiss. "Go get dressed. We picked out that pretty blue dress just for this party, so go get it on!"

Rei decided not to point out that Hikari had been the one to pick out the dress, and instead started for the bathroom. "There is someone at the door," she murmured, changing directions as the doorbell rang. "I will-"

"Get dressed," Hikari interrupted, seizing the girl by the elbow and guiding her back towards the bathroom. "That's what you'll be doing. I'll get the door, you get dressed. K? K."

Practically shoving Rei into the bathroom, Hikari hurried to the door. _Please be him, please be him,_ she thought, smoothing her own dress down as she thought of how perfect it would be to have a few minutes alone to say what she had to say. _Please be him._

Taking a deep, breath, she pulled the door open. "Welcome to the party!"

It was not the person she was hoping for.

"Umm, hi," she said uncertainly, looking at the girl standing in front of her with a complete lack of recognition.

_Pretty contacts,_ she thought, studying the girl's lavender eyes for a moment before glancing up to her vibrantly streaked blonde hair – styled like Hikari's younger sister, with most of it brushed back over the girl's left ear and held in place by a small, floral hairclip. _She looks way familiar, too. I wonder if she goes to school wi-_

"So," the girl said dryly, "you gonna let me in or just stare at me?"

"_Asuka?_"

The girl folded her arms over her chest. "Mm hm," she hummed, arching an eyebrow expectantly. "All that time as 'best friends' must not have meant all that much to you if you don't even recognize my face after a couple weeks."

Hikari opened and closed her mouth several times, but could not think of a suitable response.

"Is your girlfriend home?" Asuka asked, glancing over Hikari's shoulder, "or is she out buying a personality?"

Flushing, Hikari finally opened the door all the way. "Y-you mean Rei?" she stammered. "She's changing, but… but you know the whole girlfriend thing is just a j-"

"What I know is that I told you it was her or me," Asuka cut in calmly, "and it looks like you made your choice." Suddenly reaching out, she took hold of someone standing just outside of Hikari's line of sight, pulling them into the apartment without another word to the class rep.

"Hey Horaki."

"Oh, Ikari," Hikari gasped, "I didn't even see you there."

"Yeah," Shinji nodded, "Mister Kaji's front door is arranged just right for hiding people… just ask Misato."

"Er, right."

While the reference went right over Hikari's head, she found that she was still glad to see a friendly face. If it had been just her, Rei, and Asuka at the party, Hikari might have had to kill herself.

Things went fairly smoothly for an hour or so, and to Hikari's surprise, nearly fifteen people showed up from school, showing that either Rei had more influence than she thought, or the prospect of free snacks carried further than anyone had anticipated. Asuka spent most of her time on the couch, holding Shinji's hand and glaring at anyone that tried to approach them – Hikari included – until people gave up and left them alone.

_She's… changed,_ Hikari thought, heading for the door once again as a hesitant knock sounded. _Not just the hair and the contacts – she's really… well, not different, I guess, because she's still bossy and full of herself but… God, maybe I'm not her friend after all. That was really harsh…_

Pushing the thought aside, she opened the door.

"H-hello," the woman on the other side stammered.

"Hi," Hikari said politely, glancing at the woman's uniform. "You must work with Rei. Come on in and-"

"No," the woman said, quickly thrusting a small package into Hikari's hands. "I have something else I have to do, but could you… could you make sure Rei gets that for me?"

Hikari glanced down at the package. "Al…right," she said slowly. "Who should I say it's from?"

The woman smiled sadly.

"No one."

With a short bow, she turned and left Hikari staring after her.

( 0 0 0 )

"I'm bored."

Shinji glanced around at the other partygoers. "I think we're the only ones," he observed, shaking his head as Kensuke tried once more to get him to come over to where he was standing and talking to a small group of classmates. "Do you want to go, or… or something?"

Asuka rested her chin in her palm. "Something," she said smoothly. "Come with me."

"Where are we going?" Shinji wondered, getting to his feet and following the girl as she led him deeper into the apartment. "Hey, isn't this the-"

"Bedroom, yes," Asuka cut in, pushing the door open and pulling him in, "don't ask so many questions."

Before Shinji had a chance to ask what they were doing, Asuka had drawn him into a deep, fiercely possessive kiss, slipping her tongue into his mouth and leaning back against the door for support as he all but fell against her, completely off guard and barely able to follow her lead as she alleviated her boredom.

"Don't look at her while I'm with you," she breathed, breaking the kiss only long enough to give this simple directive before bringing her mouth back to his and wrapping her arms tightly around his chest.

Shinji could not have replied if he wanted to, but felt that he got the message. When Asuka finally let him go, several minutes later, he had to catch his breath, unable to focus his eyes properly as he realized she was watching him very closely, and smiling in a very self-satisfied way.

"You think they did it?"

Shinji blushed and averted his eyes. "I… I don't know," he admitted uncomfortably. "I don't think he would, but I don't know."

"I'll bet they did," Asuka said thoughtfully. "Probably did it on that bed right there, too…"

"Maybe…"

Asuka glanced at him from the corner of her eye.

"You wanna try it?"

Shinji's head whipped around so fast Asuka was sure she heard his neck crack. "Wh-what?"

"We should try it sometime," Asuka said evenly. "Not now, of course… but maybe after we've been going out a while longer." She stared at him, leaning back against the door and wetting her lips before whispering, "You're my boyfriend, right? When the time's right… we should do it."

Pushing away from the door, she walked boldly up to Shinji, turning around and pushing herself back up against him, pressing her backside firmly against his hips.

"Oo," she said playfully, "looks like we fit just right." Slowly, she reached back and took his hands, wrapping them around her stomach and leaning her head against his shoulder.

"I'm not saying you'll be the only one I'll sleep with," she whispered, "but if you play your cards right, you'll be the first."

Shinji blinked, taken off guard by this comment. "Not… the only one?"

Asuka smiled, slowly pulling his hands higher. "Oh, no," she said lightly, "I mean… since I'm not a pilot anymore, I've got a lot of free time on my hands… so I figured what better way to fill it than to date, you know? And if I'm already gonna be sleeping with you, why not a couple other guys?" She pressed herself back against him, drawing a gasp from him as she breathed, "If it's ok for you to go out with other girls, it's ok for me to go out with other guys… right?"

Swallowing with some difficulty, Shinji managed to whisper, "I… I guess so."

"Mmm…" Asuka hummed, smiling broadly as his hands began to move of their own accord, "unless you really _want_ me to me all yours, Shinji…"

"I'd like that," Shinji said awkwardly. "I mean, I don't know about doing… you know, _that_ right away, but I…"

"You want me to be yours," Asuka supplied helpfully as he trailed off into incoherent rambling.

"…yeah."

Satisfied that he had figured out what to do with his hands, Asuka reached back and slid her fingers around the back of his neck.

"I'll be yours, Shinji… if you'll be mine…"

Shinji's hands froze less than an inch from Asuka's chest.

"Asuka, I-"

"Think it over, Shinji," Asuka cut in, reaching down and helping his hands complete their journey. "Just think it over…"

( 0 0 0 )

Rei dropped the last few bits of trash into the garbage and closed the lid, letting out a very faint sigh of relief as the last remaining traces of the ill-fated party were hidden from view. In her opinion, the night was a bust. Food she did not like, people she barely knew, and not even one moment alone with Shinji all added up to a very dull experience for the First Child.

Hikari, on the other hand, seemed to have had a fine time, and went about her duties with a smile on her face, humming under her breath as she loaded the dishwasher and filled it with detergent, starting it with a flick of the wrist and giving Rei a quick bow.

"The chores are done, m'lady," she said in a regal voice, "you may go to bed any time you like."

Rei's non-committal, "Mm," did nothing to dull Hikari's spirits. Glancing at the clock on the wall, however, the blue-haired girl found that, "It is very late…"

"Mmmm I know," Hikari yawned, stretching expansively. "Would it be ok if I stayed over? My dad's working late and my sisters are over at my aunt's house in Hokkaido."

"Of course," Rei whispered, a bit surprised at the request. "But I will need to see if Mister Kaji left a futon."

Hikari shook her head.

"C'mere…"

Taking Rei by the hand, she led her to Kaji's bedroom, pushing the door open and leading the confused Child inside.

"We could sleep here," she suggested, sitting on the edge of the bed and patting the spot next to her. "It's big enough, that's for sure… and it would be like a sleepover – you know, we could stay up late and talk and…" she trailed off. "Well, maybe you don't know, but still, I think it would be fun if we stayed in here."

Rei hesitated. "I'm not sure," she said slowly. "No one has been in here since Mister Kaji, and-"

"Asuka and Shinji came in here for a few minutes earlier tonight," Hikari interrupted softly. "Not like, long enough to really _do_ anything… unless that kind of thing only takes a few minutes, but they were in here together." She averted her eyes guiltily. "Plus I… kinda took a look around here one day when you were in the shower. Sorry, I was just curious about what kind of person Mister Kaji was, and I think a bedroom can tell you a lot about someone."

She chewed her lip nervously as Rei digested this information.

"Besides," she said finally, "you said you wanted to remember him, right? I think sleeping in his bed would help you remember, don't you? I mean, this is where you saw him in the morning and at night, and you… you told me how you tried to sleep with him, so… I'd think this room would have the most memories for you…"

"I… suppose you're right," Rei admitted. "Very well then."

Hikari smiled happily. "Then lets get our pajamas on and get in," she offered. "I'm beat." She rose to her feet and slipped past Rei, nudging her in the ribs as she whispered, "Don't peek while I'm changing."

Several minutes later, the two girls slid under the thick comforter on the king-sized bed, each marveling at how soft the sheets were.

"Mister Kaji knew how to live," Hikari declared, moving all around on the luxurious bed before finally settling in a few feet from Rei. "Do you… miss him a lot?"

Rei nodded. "This place… smells like him," she observed. "I am glad that you suggested sleeping here."

Hikari smiled happily. "You should sleep here every night, Rei," she recommended. "Having a great bed like this go to waste seems like such a shame."

"Perhaps…"

After a few moments of quiet, Hikari whispered, "Rei? Can I tell you something?"

Rei nodded. "Certainly."

Finding the blue-haired girl's hand under the covers and gently lacing their fingers together, Hikari asked, "Did you see Suzuhara at the party?"

Staring up at the ceiling, Rei shook her head. "No," she said honestly, "I was not aware that he was there."

"He was sitting in the corner, kinda keeping to himself," Hikari said, slowly running her thumb along Rei's knuckles, as if soothing her before quietly whispering, "I talked to him for a few minutes, Rei… I asked him to be my boyfriend."

"I see," Rei murmured, shivering a bit at the softness of Hikari's touch.

"Rei, come here…"

Obediently, Rei moved across the bed, easing into Hikari's open arms and settling her head on the pillow, putting her less than five inches from Hikari's face, staring into her eyes.

"Are you mad?" Hikari asked, slipping her arms around Rei's waist and pulling her a bit closer.

"No," Rei replied, her voice revealing her confusion as she tentatively put a hand on Hikari's hip. "I… would have no right to be mad at you for asking-"

Hikari set a finger gently on Rei's lips, silencing her. "I didn't ask if you had a right to be mad," she pointed out quietly, "I asked if you _are_ mad. Emotions don't follow rules like that – I think I told you that before, didn't I? I know you like me a lot, Rei… so I want to make sure I'm not hurting you."

Rei considered this for a moment. "It does hurt," she admitted softly. "But I cannot explain why."

"Yeah," Hikari said softly, "I kinda figured." Slowly, she pulled Rei the rest of the way into her arms. "I won't apologize, though," she said quietly. "This is what feels right for me, Rei, and I can't change that… I'm sorry." Gently stroking Rei's back, she concluded, "I wouldn't mind if you held me tonight, though… I wouldn't mind that at all."

Nodding slowly, Rei said, "May I… kiss you once more?"

Hikari smiled softly. "No, Rei," she murmured, "you can't."

Putting a hand on the back of Rei's neck, Hikari pulled her head down onto her shoulder, stroking the other girl lightly on the back of the neck until her eyes slipped closed and her body relaxed.

As Rei began to drift off, Hikari's words floated gently into her ear, following her into her dreams.

"Sleep well, Rei. I know it's not the way you wanted… but I do love you."

When Rei woke in the middle of the night, she found the spot on Hikari's nightshirt where her head had been soaked through to the skin.

_Tears…?_ she thought, glancing up at the other girl's peacefully sleeping face. _My tears?_ _Have I ever… shed tears before…?_

Closing her eyes, Rei lifted her head and pressed her lips lightly against Hikari's forehead, wishing she could ever express her gratitude to the girl for uttering those soft, magical words. Silently, she settled back into Hikari's embrace, holding the other girl close through the entire night and going over all the things she could say to thank the class rep for making her feel so special.

In the morning, however, none of her words seemed adequate… so she kept them to herself and waited until Hikari opened her eyes to offer her the only physical gesture she could think of to show her thankfulness.

A smile.

Continued…


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 24

The air in the EVA cages was tense and heavy as the Children waited for deployment orders. Shinji stood off to one side of the catwalk, strategically located between Rei and Asuka – one of whom was standing in placid silence while the other tapped a foot impatiently, glaring at her 'temporary' replacement as he tugged at the neck of his black plugsuit.

"Would you stop fidgeting?" she snapped, planting her hands on her hips as the Fourth glanced up at her. "I swear, you're making me claustrophobic."

Touji pulled at the collar of his suit one last time before mumbling, "Blue today, Souryu? Did you run out of stupid colors to try?"

"For your information," Asuka said flatly, "contacts and glasses aren't allowed in the plug… which is why your loser friend will never be a pilot." She gave him an entirely false smile as she sweetly concluded, "Feel free to tell him, if you'd like. I was going to, but Christmas is still so far off, and I so hate waiting for my presents."

"Would you two shut up?" Ritsuko snapped, tapping quickly on her keyboard without looking up at the bickering duo. "You're giving me a headache."

"I second the shutting up vote," Misato said, striding up to Ritsuko and laying a hand on her shoulder. "Are we almost ready to go? The Commander's getting antsy."

Ritsuko scowled at her old college friend. "We're waiting for _you_ to come up with a battle strategy," she muttered darkly, "and since the angel's in orbit, we didn't feel a huge need to rush."

Pursing her lips, Misato countered, "The last time an angel was in orbit, it tried to fall on us."

"Yes, I know – so start giving orders so we can do something!"

"I'll take point," Asuka volunteered.

Misato shot her a warning glance. "Don't push it," she said coolly, "you're only here in case Suzuhara can't hack it."

"Hey!"

"Sorry, Touji, but it's the truth."

Misato glanced up at the three EVAs as if trying to decide which set of shoes to wear, tapping her bottom lip with her forefinger before finally turning to face the assembled Children.

"Unit 02 will launch in the lead position and take up an offensive sniping position with the type 20 positron rifle," she ordered, leveling a finger at Touji. "You'll pilot."

"Yes ma'am," Touji replied softly.

"This decision is based on Touji's unusually high synch rate and shooting range scores," Misato continued by way of explanation. "Rei will take a flanking position two hundred yards behind Unit 02 and stand by with the prototype positron rifle. Asuka, you'll wait here."

"Super," the Second muttered, tucking her bleached hair back over both ears and looking for all the world as if the entire conversation bored her to tears.

"What about me, Misato?" Shinji asked hopefully. "Should I stay near the base for land combat or… or something…?"

Misato rubbed her eyes. "Unit 01 will remain in the cage, in a zero-power status," she mumbled, speaking more to the room in general than answering Shinji's question. "If there are no more questions, let's saddle up."

"Guess all that time my dad spent teaching me how to shoot rabbits up the mountains is paying off now, huh Ikari?" Touji asked, looking a little green as he clapped Shinji on the shoulder. "Wish me luck… or something…"

Shinji nodded, offering the boy his hand. "You'll do great," he said, trying to sound confident as Touji shook his hand. "If it gets too bad, they'll have to let me go fight too, right?"

Frowning up at Unit 02, Touji whispered, "Then… I hope I don't see you up there."

Averting his eyes, Shinji nodded again. Turning to Unit 00, he found Rei hesitating near the plug – but she silently slid in as Asuka stepped between them, putting her hands on Shinji's shoulders and leaning up against him to whisper, "Guess it's just the two of us."

Shinji glanced around, finding to his surprise that Misato and Ritsuko had both headed out of the cages while he was talking to Touji. "G-guess so," he stammered, glancing once more to Unit 00's now-sealed entry plug.

"You don't need to sound so scared," Asuka said lightly, "I won't bite… right now."

Leaning forward, she gave him a rather wet kiss.

"Better get going," she whispered as she pulled back. "Misato will be mad if you're not where she wants you to be."

"Right," Shinji nodded, risking a quick hug before jogging over to his own plug. "See you later."

Asuka returned his wave, but her eyes were on Unit 00's plug, where she imagined the First with her ear pressed up against the bulkhead, trying desperately to hear what she was missing.

"See you."

( 0 0 0 )

Touij let out a jaw-cracking yawn, trying not to drum his fingers on the control yokes as he sighed, "Can I shoot it yet?"

"No, Touji," Misato's voice replied flatly, "you can't shoot it yet. It still hasn't moved any closer. You'd just be wasting ammo."

"Don't be so impatient, stooge," Asuka's voice recommended. "The angel will come down and eat you before you know it… then you won't have to worry about piloting any more."

Rolling his eyes, Touji muttered, "Shouldn't she be like, standing by, or something? And doesn't standing by mean _shutting up?_"

"Touji, stay focused," Misato snapped. "Asuka… shut up."

"Hmph!"

Touji sighed as the communications system went silent. "Finally!"

_Can't believe I have to do this again,_ he thought bitterly. _If Kimiko wasn't so banged up, I'd tell them to shove this goddamn thing up-_ Touji cut this thought off, trying to keep his focus as he stared into the targeting computer. _Forty-five minutes and the damn thing still hasn't moved,_ he thought. _No big deal… I've sat through classes longer than that without losing my cool._

After another twenty minutes, however, he found himself squirming in his seat, blinking to stay awake as the dot representing the angel continued to shiver and twitch just out of Unit 02's range. Forty minutes later, cradled by the warm, thick LCL all around him, Touji found his eyes slowly… slowly sliding closed.

"Suzuhara!"

"Gah!" Touji snorted. "What? What is it?"

"Don't give me 'what is it?'!" Misato growled. "You were dozing off! Your vitals were slowing down and your synch ratio was dropping! Stay awake, damn it – do you want to kill us all?"

Touji rolled his shoulders. "Did it ever occur to you that I might've been _dying_?" he countered. "Dying of _boredom_? That thing's never coming down here, you know – it's just going to stay up there until we launch a shuttle or something. Can't we just nuke it and go home?"

Misato blew out an exasperated breath. "And risk an upper atmosphere nuclear detonation?" she demanded. "Do you have any idea what the fallout would do to the area directly under the angel? And besides, we don't even know if-"

It hit like a hammer, pounding into Touji's skull and blotting the rest of the Major's words from his mind.

"ngel…s…art…cle…we…pon…?"

Touji gasped as he felt something pushing its way into his consciousness, words from the command center reaching him in tiny fragments as he fought back against the invasion.

"N… he… missions… cted… milar… t field…"

"Son of a _bitch!_"

Screaming out loud, Touji squinted his eyes and willed Unit 02 to pull the trigger on its enormous weapon, sending a ball of charged particles into the cloudy sky.

"Hit," he gasped, squeezing off two more shots as the first went wide, "hit it, you motherfu-"

"Irregular psychograph!" a voice rang in his ears. "Contamination is starting."

_Contamination?_ Touji thought. _Screw that!_

Gritting his teeth, the Fourth let out a cry, forcing Unit 02 forward and scrambling awkwardly up the tallest building his confused mind could locate.

Images of the past conflicted with the view on his screen – his mother, vaguely remembered, telling him he had to take care of his sister because she would be gone soon… his father, trying to explain his mother's sickness… his sister, first so full of life… then so feeble, relying on machines to keep her alive… past and present, jamming together and trying to overwhelm him.

"Get… out… of my… _MIND!"_

Hauling the rifle up, Touji braced it against the building he was clinging to, screaming as he fired off every remaining shot the weapon had to offer.

Then, he was falling. Tears streamed down his face as his mental defenses shattered, leaving him powerless as a newborn as Unit 02 tumbled backwards off of the building and crashed into the street with a deafening explosion of concrete, steel and glass.

And finally… there was stillness as his overtaxed mind shut down, taking him away from the pain and fear to a place that no one – not even the angel – could touch.

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji watched in silence as the utility crane hoisted Unit 02 onto its side, finally exposing the entry socket for the anxious rescue team to rush in. It had been nearly an hour since the red mecha had gone silent, and so far, no one had been able to contact Touji at all.

"I'm sure he's fine," Misato murmured, stepping away from Shinji's side as Unit 02's entry plug spun out of its neck. "Go get some rest or something."

_Rest, sure,_ Shinji thought, watching the woman's retreating back. _I'll just leave before finding out if my best friend is ok, no problem! I know I won't get any ANSWERS about the fight, so I won't bother asking… but I won't leave until I know he's ok._

The fight, or as Shinji liked to think of it, the nightmare, had been incredibly short, once it had truly started to rage. He had been forced to watch helplessly as Unit 02 crashed to the ground, Touji's screams fading into soft whimpers as the angel simply continued to bombard the defenseless machine with its mysterious mental attack.

He knew that somehow, it was 'infiltrating' Touji's mind, but the extent of the damage was still unknown – as was, to Shinji at least, any information regarding the powerful weapon Rei had retrieved from somewhere deep inside the base, lofting it into the sky and obliterating the angel with a single hit.

If they had such powerful weapons, why weren't they using them in every fight?

From where Shinji was standing, he could see and hear a commotion at the plug, distracting him from his ruminations on the strange red lance… and he was perfectly positioned to see one of the rescue technicians stumbled back, clutching his nose as a whirlwind of flailing, plugsuit-clad arms exploded from the portal. Kicking, screaming, and nearly frothing at the mouth, Touji Suzuhara had to be forcibly subdued by several large support personnel.

"I won't do it again," the Fourth shrieked, his eyes wild and darting everywhere as the medics tried to calm him. "I'll _never_ do it again – you can't make me! I'd rather _die!"_

Shinji nearly jumped as a hand slipped into his. He turned, finding Asuka standing at his right side and watching the scene unfold with attentive eyes. For a moment, he feared that she might make some snide comment on how Touji deserved this for piloting _her _Unit, but she seemed as shaken as he, saying nothing as the Fourth was sedated and led away to a waiting ambulance.

"How… horrifying…"

Looking to his left, Shinji found Rei standing next to him, her eyes focused on the ambulance as its lights came on and it pulled, screaming, into the street.

"To have your mind – the one thing that is your own and no one else's… defiled," Rei whispered, lowering her eyes to where Touji's discarded neural connectors lay ten feet from their location. "…horrifying."

Unable to find the words to agree, Shinji simply nodded, and though Asuka scowled at him, he reached out with his free hand and gently laced his fingers together with Rei's.

In silence, the three stared up at the clear, cloudless sky.

Continued…


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 25

"Now I know I don't have to tell you all why you're here, do I?"

Shinji, Rei, and Asuka all shook their heads, glancing down the table to where Misato stood pacing back and forth in front of the debriefing room's whiteboard. All were dressed in civilian clothes, except for Misato, who was clad in her full, dress uniform.

"First of all," she said calmly, "I will let you all know that Touji has calmed down, and should be released from observation within the next forty-eight hours." She stopped pacing and turned her full attention on Asuka. "He will also be released from active duty at NERV," she whispered, "leaving the position for Unit 02's pilot open."

"You're telling me this… why?" Asuka wondered, giving Misato a bland stare.

Misato pursed her lips, refusing to be intimidated by the girl's currently-amber eyes – a shade that the operations director found very unnerving. "Just because it's that time of the month doesn't give you the right to be a robo-bitch," she said flatly. "What I'm saying here is that you're back on the roster, pending the discovery of the Fifth Child."

This caught the Second's attention, making her sit forward in her seat and reach out with her left hand, unconsciously grabbing Shinji's shirtsleeve. "Wait, wait," she said, holding up her free hand, "back up… I thought you people said my synch ratio was too low to pilot?"

"No," Misato corrected, "we said it was too low for you to be an _effective_ pilot. Your last synch test showed you holding steady just barely above the activation threshold… and quite honestly, Ritsuko and I have serious reservations about your ability to move, let alone fight, so for the time being you will eat, breathe, and sleep thinking of nothing but synchronization theory and practical application of A-10 nerve sympathy stimulation."

Looking confused, Asuka said, "I've never seen anything in the manuals about synchronization theory and practical… whatever."

Misato smiled grimly. "That's because the documentation hasn't existed until now," she said. "Ritsuko's putting the last few touches on an experimental 'how-to' manual outlining ways to improve your synch ratio. Until now, it's always been believed that a person's synchronization levels were pre-determined, and only incremental play was possible… but you've shown that drastic changes can happen, so you will be our test case to see if we can create a training program to enhance a pilot's ratio." She glanced at Shinji, then Rei. "If the project is a success, you two will follow this program as well, maximizing your potential as pilots and increasing our chances in upcoming fights." Letting all of this sink in, she murmured, "Now are there any questions?"

Slowly, Shinji raised his hand. "Will… Touji's sister still be taken care of?"

Hesitating, Misato said, "It's under review right now. The Commander's opinion is that Touji violated his end of the agreement by refusing to pilot anymore… but I'm trying to convince him that Touji's sister needs our care and really, the injuries Touji himself has sustained while piloting for us more than justify continuing treatment for her."

"If there's anything I can do to help," Shinji said awkwardly, "I'll do it… just tell me."

Misato smiled. "Thank you, Shinji," she murmured, "if there is, I'll let you know."

After a moment of quiet, Asuka raised her hand.

"You said pending the discovery of the Fifth," she said when Misato motioned for her to speak. "What happens then?"

Meeting the girl's eyes, Misato quietly told her, "Then you will be pulled back off."

"What?" Asuka erupted, shooting to her feet and leveling a finger at the older woman. "You'll just keep using me until-"

"Until you can't be used anymore," Misato cut in. "Yeah, that's right – if you can't show us a stable synch ratio, you'll be out on your ass. What? Don't look so shocked. This is war, and we aim to win." She narrowed her eyes, walking up to tower over the bleach-blonde girl before softly concluding, "The only way you will be allowed to continue piloting is if you make yourself indispensable. This isn't a goddamn charity, little girl, this is a military unit… and if you can't yank yourself up by your bootstraps and prove to us that you can fight, you're useless to us. Is that clear?"

Asuka's nostrils flared, but she managed to keep herself from hitting Misato in the face. "Give me the damn papers and you'll have your stupid synch ratio."

Gesturing to the door, Misato whispered, "You know where Ritsuko's office is. She said she would have the first draft finished by the time I got done talking to you… and I'm definitely done talking to you."

Without another word, Asuka stalked out of the room.

For several moments, no one spoke. Finally, Misato turned to the remaining pilots. "You're both dismissed," she said evenly, "if there are no more questions."

Slowly, Shinji raised his hand. "Will she really be allowed to keep piloting if she gets her synch ratio up, Misato?"

A strange look passed over Misato's face before she calmly replied, "Of course, Shinji. Now if you two will excuse me, I need to get back to work."

The room fell silent as she gathered up her papers and made her exit.

Tentatively, Shinji snuck a glance at Rei, but quickly looked away as he found her looking directly at him. _Damn,_ he thought wryly, _I can't even make eye contact…_

The two Children sat quietly for a moment, contemplating the fates of the other pilots they knew. Silence made the seconds feel like minutes to Shinji, causing him to put his hands in his lap and slowly clench and unclench them, finding that it was easier to focus on this simple, reflexive action than wonder what was going on in his enigmatic coworker's mind.

_Coworker,_ he thought suddenly. _Why did I think that? I'm… aren't we supposed to be going out? We've kissed, for God's sake! She's… supposed to be my girlfriend._

Girlfriend. This simple word echoed in his mind. Asuka had called him her boyfriend when they were in Kaji's room – and all but demanded that he commit himself to her, if he wanted to be intimate with her.

_But I don't want that yet,_ he thought suddenly. _Kensuke and Touji would say there's something wrong with me, I'm sure… but I… I can wait until I know I'm in love before…_

Shinji's thoughts trailed off as Rei tentatively laid her fingertips on the back of his hand.

"May I… have some of your time?"

Blinking, Shinji looked up. "Huh?"

Rei looked steadily into his eyes for a moment before clarifying, "I would like to spend some time with you, if you would not mind. It has been… a while since I have been able to be close to you."

"Er," Shinji blushed, the word 'close' bringing to mind a rather vivid image of Asuka's body pressing back against his. "Ok… yeah, what umm, what did you want to do?"

Slowly, Rei moved her chair closer, leaning closer to rest her head on Shinji's shoulder before whispering simply, "I would like to be near you…"

"…ok."

And so they sat for several minutes, saying nothing and holding hands as if they had been together for years. Eventually… they began kissing, exchanging unhurried, gentle little pecks until Shinji closed his mouth over hers and tentatively eased his tongue past her lips, shivering faintly as he felt Rei's breath quicken against his cheek.

When they finally parted, breathless and flushed, Rei took both of Shinji's hands in hers.

"What is it?" Shinji asked, confused as Rei averted her eyes. "Was that… too fast?"

"No," Rei said softly, "there is something… I would like to tell you."

"Ok."

Rei leaned forward, resting her forehead on Shinji's shoulder as she whispered, "You care very deeply for her don't you?"

There was no need to clarify who 'she' was.

Nor was there any reason for Shinji to say yes or no – Rei already knew the answer.

"The Fifth has already been found, Shinji," she said. "Preparations are being made to expedite his delivery to NERV to take over the position of Unit 02's designated pilot."

"Wh-what?" Shinji gasped. "But… but Misato didn't say-"

"Major Katsuragi is unaware of this," Rei said softly, cutting him off. "It would be… bad if it was discovered that you knew, as it would be clear that I was the one who told you, so I must ask that you not tell anyone."

"Yeah, yeah of course," Shinji said quickly, "but… why tell Asuka that she can still pilot if she does all this… this _crap_?"

Rei shook her head. "It was not untrue," she said calmly. "If she can maintain a stable, combat-ready synchronization ratio, she will be retained as a Child."

Shinji felt faint.

"…that's so much pressure," he muttered, "she'll never be able to do it if she knows this."

"Which is why you cannot tell her."

"What?" Shinji exploded, "But if I don't, then-"

Meeting his eyes, Rei interrupted, "Souryu must not fail. I cannot assist her in this, as our… relationship is not a friendly one, nor may you tell her directly what must be done, for the reasons you yourself have already described."

Shinji looked desperate. "So what can I do?"

Sadly, Rei whispered, "I do not know, Shinji… soothe her rage, perhaps… answer her confusion with understanding… show her, rather than telling her, that you are willing to bear her burden with her. These are only ideas. All I know is that she must be retrained to open herself to EVA… or she will never pilot again."

"But that would kill her!" Shinji nearly sobbed. "She tries to hide it, but piloting is all that matters to her. If they take that away… if they take that away, she'll die."

"Yes," Rei murmured. "Therefore… you must prevent that."

Burying his face in his hands, Shinji groaned, "God, why did you tell me all this? I don't know what to do… and she's not even your friend – she hates you, and she's not just saying it, she really does… why are you trying to help her, Ayanami?"

Resting her hands on his shoulders, Rei leaned closer, putting her mouth next to his ear.

"If hurting a person I do not like will also hurt one that I do, then helping the person I dislike becomes the only option. I do not like this situation any more than you do, Shinji… but I will not – I cannot – stand idle and watch while you are hurt…"

Reaching out, Shinji blindly took her into his arms, pulling her close in absolute silence as a weight far heavier than the responsibility of piloting fell on his shoulders. It is one thing to be told, abstractly, that the whole world depends on you… it is quite another to be given the name face of a person close to you, without being told what, exactly, you have to do to save them.

Closing her eyes, Rei could only hold him as he wept.

( 0 0 0 )

"Mmm," Asuka yawned and stretched, licking her lips as she came into the kitchen. "I smell pancakes."

"Uh huh," Shinji replied, glancing over his shoulder for a moment before pouring more batter into the skillet. "You said you liked them, right?"

Asuka nodded, boldly wrapping her arms around his stomach and leaning over his shoulder. "Those look so damn good," she exclaimed. "My mouth is watering."

Shinji chuckled. "It's just a mix," he mused, pointing to the cardboard box on the counter. "Add water, stir, cook, serve."

"I'm sure it's harder than that," Asuka said. "I tried a few times and burned them to the pan. How do you tell when they're ready to flip?"

"Well," Shinji said, gesturing with his spatula, "see that one?"

"Yeah?"

"See how it has those little bubbles forming in the middle?"

"Yeah?"

"When the bubbles start popping, it's ready to turn over."

Asuka was duly impressed. "Ooo," she hummed, "you're so smart… in the kitchen. Too bad pancake cooking skills couldn't translate to our math test yesterday, eh Third Child?"

Shinji managed a weak laugh. "I guess." He hesitated for a moment, turning the pancakes over before whispering, "How's it going with that synch thing?"

Behind him, he could feel Asuka tense, though her voice was cool and level as she replied, "Oh, you know… lots of theories and big words. I'm working on it."

"Ah."

Pressing herself up against his back, Asuka flatly changed the subject.

"So have you given any thought to my offer?"

Shinji pursed his lips, frowning as he felt (through her exceeding closeness) that Asuka was only wearing a shirt and panties. "Are you… gonna wear contacts today?" he asked, changing the subject again to avoid having to answer.

"Probably go with the green ones today," Asuka said, nonchalantly rubbing her body against his back, "I might use the gold ones, though – they freaked Misato out big time, and-"

"I was thinking maybe you could just… not wear any today," Shinji blurted.

There was a moment of silence before Asuka murmured, "Oh? And why is that?"

Swallowing, Shinji replied, "Because… because you have really nice eyes, and-"

"Why are you trying to butter me up?" Asuka asked sharply. "I told you what you need to do if you want to sleep with me, Shinji – you know what you have to do."

"What if I don't want to be with you like that yet?"

Asuka's arms tightened around him for a moment.

"…you're saying you don't want me?"

"No," Shinji said quickly, "I do, really… but I was thinking… we should wait a while for that, you know? It's not like we have to rush-"

"I'll just do it with someone else then," Asuka cut in flatly. "I've been thinking of giving it to you this weekend… but if you're not 'ready' then I can just find another guy."

Shinji turned off the burner, slowly turning around to face the bleach-blonde girl.

"Don't you ever get tired of being so angry all the time?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Asuka demanded. "You think I'm kidding? You think I won't go sleep with some stranger to prove my point?"

Licking his lips, Shinji forced himself to be calm as he whispered, "But what _is_ your point? Since you can't pilot you'll… be a wh-"

Asuka pulled back and slapped him across the face with enough force to knock him against the stove, where his hand landed on the hot burner.

"How _dare_ you?" she hissed, ignoring his groan of pain as he clutched his hand to his chest. "I'm offering you my virginity, and you're calling me a whore? Fuck you, Third Child! I don't need-"

"You're offering me your virginity," Shinji cut in, his voice heavy as his hand throbbed with pain, "but not your heart."

Throwing her hands in the air, Asuka said, "Oh here we go – can't have sex if you're not in love! God, have you been reading Misato's romance novels again? You sound like a movie of the goddamn week!"

Reaching out, Shinji put his burned hand on Asuka's face.

"Do you love me?"

"What the hell ar-"

"If you do… I'll sleep with you right now."

Asuka's eyes widened, her breath catching in her throat as Shinji slowly caressed her cheek.

"I'll tell Rei I belong to you," he went on, "and I'll never look at another girl for the rest of my life… if you love me."

"Y-you're crazy," Asuka gasped, stumbling back from his hand is if it was still burning. "It's just some stupid words. If you want to be with me, you'll do all that stuff anyw-"

"If you love me," Shinji cut in once more, "then I'm yours."

Thought her mouth worked, nothing came from Asuka's lips, and when Shinji took a step toward her, holding his hand out for her to take, she scurried back so fast she smashed her hip against the corner of the table, drawing a sharp gasp of pain from her too-dry throat.

"If you want my heart, it's yours for the taking," Shinji said awkwardly. "Just let me have yours too, or else… it's not right." Walking up to where Asuka was pinned against the table, he pressed a hand lightly against her chest and softly added, "Let… me… in…"

"G-Get _away from me!"_

Planting both hands in the middle of Shinji's chest, Asuka pushed – hard – sending him flying back into the fridge as she turned on her heel and dashed out of the kitchen, her eyes glittering with tears she no longer knew how to shed as made it to her room and slammed the door.

Slowly, Shinji pushed himself up from where he had slid onto the floor, rubbing his face with both hands and wincing at the pain this drew from his burned palm. Somehow, he felt that he had not done such a good job in helping Asuka open her heart. He had thought, perhaps, that if she got what she wanted… it might make her happy enough to really open up to him.

He knew… that she did not really _want_ to have sex with him – that was just her weapon, her bribe to make him do what she wanted. But when confronted with the possibility that he might _actually_ want her to love him, rather than just sleep with him, she had fled as if all the demons of Hell were on her heels.

"…couldn't do it," Shinji whispered, staring at his burned hand with dry, listless eyes. "I couldn't break through, Ayanami."

Not only that, he realized as he stared at his perfectly browned pancakes, but rather than saving her… he may have actually pushed her past the point of being savable.

And there was nothing he could do about it.

Continued…


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 26

Rei pulled her plug suit a bit tighter on her hand, pressurizing it before rising to her feet and closing her locker door. Another angel… which meant there would only be one more, and it would be time for her to fulfill her obligation.

_Complementation,_ she thought, walking slowly towards the locker room exit. _I have never questioned its necessity – nor may I now… but I hope it will not cause pain to those I care for._

It was a strange idea, she realized, to be concerned over physical pain when she would be unifying all mankind into a single, flawless being, but Rei was, for the time, still human.

And what could be more human than concern for another?

_But there are other considerations first,_ she told herself, _I must not lose track of what is currently before me – that is what Mister Kaji was telling me, I believe. Time will not turn backward… so I must savor each moment as if-_

Her thoughts were cut off with all the brutality of a murderer claiming a life as she opened the locker room door and found herself face to face with a twisted reflection of her own face.

"What's the matter?" the reflection asked softly, mimicking her vocal patterns nearly perfectly, "you look like you've seen a ghost."

Giving herself a mental shake, Rei murmured, "What is the meaning of this…?"

The blue-haired imposter smiled faintly. "Is that anger, First?" she whispered, widening her red-contacted eyes slightly in surprise. "I didn't think you programmed for that."

Rei pursed her lips. "I… do not find this amusing, Souryu," she whispered, "please step aside."

_She even stole one of my plug suits…_

"No need to be so hostile," Asuka whispered. "I just came to wish you luck, Wondergirl… I _am_ your backup on this mission, you know."

Looking for a way to get around the other girl, Rei murmured, "I see. Then… good luck."

"Oh, now you didn't mean that," Asuka said, sounding hurt, "here… give me a hug. Show me you mean it." When Rei immediately took a step back, Asuka smiled. "Weird, isn't it?" she whispered, advancing on the First and taking great pleasure in watching her retreat until her back was against the row of lockers directly opposite the locker room door. "It's one thing to go on and on about how replicable you are… but it's another to see it face to face. Take a good look, First – this is what being replaced looks like. This is what you are to me."

And finally… Rei understood. She honestly, truly understood the Second Child for the first time since they had met.

"It was not… my doing," she said awkwardly. "I was the First."

"Yeah," Asuka said coolly, "and I'm the Second, I get the idea… but no matter how I tried, no matter what I did, you and Shinji are the ones that get the praise. This," she pointed to her dyed hair, "is what I see when I wonder who's going to pilot Unit 02 when they replace me. This," she pointed to her contacts, "is what looks back at me in the mirror when I ask myself who Shinji really likes. It's always been you. You've always been the one that I had to beat, and until now I haven't been able to."

She smiled suddenly, and it made Rei shiver.

"But I haven't given up," she said brutally, "That's what's different about us, you know. You told Shinji you're replicable – but I'm not, goddamn it… and I know it." She brought her face close to Rei's, making the other girl flinch minutely. "You may be the one that everyone tries to protect," she whispered flatly, "but you'll never be a tenth of the person I am, because I would never _ever_ think that I can be replaced."

Though her hair was now too long to toss, Asuka moved her head as if it was still down to her shoulders, turning away from Rei and letting her know that she had been dismissed.

As she reached the door, however, she was brought up by a softly whispered, "You're right…"

"Excuse m-"

"I am worthless," Rei said, keeping her eyes on the floor as Asuka turned to face her. "I am replicable and I only have one reason to exist… but I am trying to change. I know there is more to living than merely existing, Souryu, and I envy your confidence. I… perhaps it is meaningless to you now, but I do wish, when we had first met… that I had accepted your offer."

"Well… well that boat's sailed," Asuka mumbled, too confused by this sudden outpouring of emotion to generate any real rage. "The offer's retracted."

"…yes, I know."

"Yeah," Asuka said, "so, umm… bye…"

To her surprise, Rei let out a soft, mirthless laugh.

"Do not say goodbye when you leave on a mission," she said quietly, sounding as if she was quoting from the bible, "it is… too sad…"

Asuka waited for a full minute to see if the First would have anything else to say… but nothing more passed between them but silence.

( 0 0 0 )

How, Shinji wondered as he stared up at his ceiling, could things have gone worse than they already had? He could still hear Maya's announcement that Unit 00's self-destruct system had been engaged, overlapping in his mind with Asuka's pitiful groan that, 'It won't move… it just won't move.'

And he could not save either.

_Asuka's door is locked,_ he thought tiredly. _And Rei… Rei's gone…_

Clinically, he wondered if there would even be ashes to bury.

"Misato," he whispered as the door to his room slid open, "I can't cry. I want to, but the tears won't-"

"I'm not Misato."

Shinji sat up, blinking in surprise as he found Asuka standing in his doorway. It was not the fact that she was there that demanded his attention – though considering the fact that she had not spoken to him since the day he had made pancakes for her, it was a bit unusual… no, what caught his eye was the violent streaks of pink in her once-again blonde hair and the return of the amber contacts she had worn the day Misato told her she could still potentially pilot.

_Can't make up her mind,_ he thought suddenly. _Doesn't know what she wants to be… doesn't know WHO she wants to be…_

"Crying for your dolly, Third Child?"

Shinji winced as if Asuka had slapped him across the face. "Don't call her that," he whispered sullenly. "She's… she's gone now, you don't have to be mean…"

Asuka's eyes were unreadable as she entered the room and leaned up against Shinji's wall. "She was too slow."

"What?"

"I've been thinking about the fight," Asuka said calmly. "She was too slow. If she'd dodged it, it wouldn't have taken Unit 00 and she'd still be al-"

"Don't say it!"

"She'd still be alive."

Shinji rose jerkily to his feet. Mechanically, he marched to his door and slid it shut so Misato wouldn't hear what he was going to say.

"Don't you ever, ever say anything bad about her again," he whispered unevenly. "She was a good person… she didn't deserve to die."

"Maybe she did," Asuka replied flatly. "If you don't protect yourself, aren't you asking to be killed? If she was so good… if she was so good, did she ever tell you she loved you, Third?"

Shinji squeezed his hands into fists. "Stop talking about her," he murmured, blinking angrily as his eyes started to tear up. "I know you hated her, but you don't have to be that cruel!"

But Asuka continued speaking.

"Maybe if she had… that little cold spot in your stomach would have warmed up. You know the one I'm talking about, don't you? That little place you can never get warmed up, no matter how many happy thoughts you think. If your precious First had actually loved you, then-"

"I said _don't talk about her!_"

The drywall next to Asuka's head gave easily to Shinji's rage, a round, jagged hole appearing in it as he drove his fist past Asuka's cheek.

Asuka never even blinked.

"Ah, damn it!" Shinji cried, yanking his fist back and cradling it against his chest.

_She really is gone,_ he thought suddenly, thankful that there were tears of pain to hide the ones he was finally shedding for the First Child. _I'll never see her again… I'll never hold her again… I'll never get to talk to her again… she's gone – just like that! I'm…_

His thoughts trailed off as Asuka reached out, wrapping her hands around his wrist and pulling his injured hand closer to her face. For several long minutes, she examined his knuckles, studying the broken skin and running her fingertips along the surface to feel for any breaks. The pain was excruciating, but Shinji didn't say a word, keeping his attention on her face the whole time.

"Idiot."

Shinji swallowed, holding his breath as the Second lifted his hand to her mouth, touching her lips to the injury for a moment before gently laying his palm against her cheek.

"You should have hit me."

Frowning, Shinji whispered, "Why?"

Asuka looked directly into his eyes as she replied, "If you had, I might have respected you."

In an instant, they were kissing. It was nothing like any kiss Shinji had ever experienced – even with her. This was not gentle or playful or coy… this was pure hunger and desperation, a struggle for dominance that neither of them seemed willing to surrender. For every time Asuka pushed, Shinji pushed back. When she tangled her hand in his hair, he put his hand on her back and yanked her up against him. When he tried to push his tongue into her mouth, she bit it and chased it back into his mouth with hers.

Ultimately, Shinji's slight weight advantage tipped the scales, forcing Asuka back up against the wall, where he pinned her arms at her sides and held her tight, sucking aggressively on her tongue as a tiny mewl of pain escaped her lips.

Shinji's cell phone began to ring, but he ignored it. If it was an angel attack, Misato would have to come get him… because there was no way he was surrendering the upper hand now.

"Shinji."

_Shut up,_ Shinji thought angrily, completely lost in what he was doing. _Just shut the hell up. I don't care if there IS an angel attacking… they can have it, damn it, they can have the whole damn planet for all I care! Just let me have SOMETHING that doesn't get taken away from me the second I know it's mine!_

"Shinji open up – this is important."

The excitement in Misato's voice finally broke through the haze of passion in Shinji's mind, forcing him to break away and growl, "What? What's so damn important?"

Even Asuka looked slightly taken aback by this outburst… though just slightly, and when Misato hesitated before replying, Asuka pulled Shinji's lips back to hers, refusing to let him escape.

"It's… it's Rei," Misato said finally, her voice sounding as if she was standing right outside his door. "They found her, Shinji – she's not dead. Can you hear me? Rei's alive."

"N-no!"

Shinji felt as if ice-water had been dumped over his head. "She's ali-"

"No," Asuka repeated frantically, holding on to Shinji's shirt as he tried to pull away. "Don't… don't leave me – God, not now!"

"But she's alive," Shinji whispered frantically, "she's alive, Asuka!"

Asuka's bottom lip trembled as she tightened her grip on his clothes. "You stupid asshole," she sobbed. "_So am I!"_

Shinji swallowed at the sheer, jagged agony in the girl's voice. Slowly, he slipped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her gently up against him as he called out, "Misato? Can you give me a couple minutes to get ready?"

They could practically hear Misato thinking before she murmured, "Sure, Shinji, and… and tell Asuka that she's welcome to come, too… if she wants…"

"I will…"

Before Misato's footsteps had finished moving away from the door, Asuka unevenly whispered, "I'm not going."

Shinji nodded. "Will you be here when I get back?"

Asuka swallowed, keeping her eyes on the floor as she pulled away from him.

"I don't know…"

His shoulders slumping, Shinji could think of nothing else to say but, "I'd… really like it if you were."

Folding her arms, Asuka just stared at the floor.

Continued…


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 27

Shinji had absolutely no idea what to say. Misato had left him alone with Rei, citing the need to fill out some paperwork, and since she had gone, Shinji was at a complete loss for words. Should he kiss her? Hold her? Her head was bandaged, but otherwise she seemed intact. He simply had no idea how to start talking to her.

And every time he tried to formulate a sentence, he kept tripping over the same five words.

_I shouldn't have left Asuka…_

"Th-thank you for saving me."

_There,_ he thought miserably, _I finally said something. It was lame and stupid, but I said SOMETHING._

Rei continued to stare down at her hands. "I saved you?"

Shinji shot her a sideways glance. "You… you set off Unit 00's self-destruct. You saved my life."

"Oh," Rei whispered dispassionately, "is that what happened?"

"You don't remember?"

Rei slowly shook her head. "No," she said simply. "I cannot… I can't… my head hurts."

Swallowing, Shinji asked, "Do you need some… some aspirin or something?"

"No."

"Oh, ok…"

Something was wrong. Was this the same girl he had been making out with just a couple days before? The one who had told him, so softly, to help Asuka?

_Damn it, I know Asuka's in pain,_ he thought, trying to force his mind to change gears. _But Rei…_ _Rei was gone! Shouldn't I support her, too?_

"Was there something else you needed?"

Shinji's stomach clenched into a tight knot. "Do you remember… anything from the last week?"

Rei considered this question for a long, long moment before slowly shaking her head.

"This _month,_ then?" Shinji asked with growing horror.

Again… Rei shook her head.

Scrubbing a hand through his hair, Shinji somehow managed to ask, "What _do_ you remember, Ayanami?"

When she turned her eyes on him, he nearly stumbled back, shocked by the listless neutrality in their crimson depths.

"I remember that I am the First Child," she said calmly. "You are the Third… Souryu is the Second. My… residence has recently changed," her brow furrowed as if trying to lock onto this thought, "…hasn't it?"

Shinji covered his face with both hands, taking a deep, shaking breath as the reality of the situation settled over him. "What do you… remember about m-"

"I do not like answering these questions," Rei interrupted quietly. "I would like to rest now."

"S-sure…"

Rising to her feet, Rei stepped past him, but hesitated as she reached for her door.

"There is… something…"

Hopefully, Shinji leaned forward. "Something?" he prompted as she trailed off. "Something about me?"

"Yes…"

"Well… what is it?"

Rei stared down at the floor. "It is… indistinct," she said slowly. "I cannot… remember clearly but…"

"Yeah?"

"I cannot put it into words."

"Oh."

Shinji's shoulders slumped as Rei pushed her door open and stepped through.

"I'll… I'll visit you tomorrow. Bye…"

A shiver ran down Rei's spine, and as the door to her hospital room swung shut, Shinji was sure she whispered, "…don't say goodbye, it's too sad," but when he knocked… she did not reply.

With nothing left to hold him there, he went to Misato's office to wait for her to be done with work. When they returned home, they found that Asuka's backpack and shoes were gone.

She did not leave a note.

( 0 0 0 )

The Commander looked up from his desk as Rei knocked on his door. "What do you need?"

"May I speak to you, Commander?"

Gendou nodded, gesturing for her to come all the way into the office. In the two weeks since the release of this clone, things had gone to hell. The Second, now useless, had left Katsuragi's care and gone to ground somewhere – where, exactly, Gendou did not care, as long as it was not too far from Tokyo-3.

She had sensitive information. He would not lose track of her, useless or not.

Shinji's synch ratio had dropped a bit, but he was still able to pilot, regardless of the way he moped around the base and kept his eyes on the floor. As far as Gendou was concerned, the worse he felt about himself, the better – that was the nature of the AT field, after all.

What _did_ concern him was this newest clone's odd behavior. She had returned to her old apartment at first, then gone back to Kaji's, as if unsure which place was hers. What had happened, of course, was clear to Gendou, as he had ordered a slight 'housecleaning' on the newest clone.

Unfortunately, it seemed that Doctor Akagi had been a bit overzealous… in more ways than one.

_Damn that woman,_ he thought as Rei slowly approached his desk. _If she wasn't still usefully to me, I'd have her disposed of rather than simply incarcerated._

"Well?" he prompted after watching Rei stare at him for over two minutes. "What do you need?"

"I am having… difficulties."

Gendou pursed his lips. "You'll have to be clearer than that, Rei."

"There are… gaps," Rei explained hesitantly. "Pieces of the past I cannot remember… memories that should be there, but are not."

Lacing his fingers together, the Commander murmured, "Are these gaps affecting your piloting abilities, or preventing you from remembering what your purpose is?"

"No sir."

"Then don't linger on them," the Commander advised. "Extraneous thoughts are a waste of your time anyway… this way you will not have to concern yourself with them."

"Understood."

"There is something else?"

Rei nodded. "Sir," she said slowly, "I cannot feel… _them_ any longer…"

Gendou's lips compressed. "No, I don't suppose you would, since Doctor Akagi has… disposed of the others. You are the last, Rei."

"…understood."

"The memories that you are missing."

"Yes?"

"How far back would you say they go?"

Rei's brow creased faintly. "They are not… sequential," she said uncertainly. "I can recall everything up until three months prior, but after that, there are, as I said… gaps."

_Couldn't even get that right,_ Gendou thought coldly. _She shouldn't have ANY recollection of the past 3 months… Akagi, you may think there's nothing more I can do to hurt you, but I'm afraid you're sorely mistaken._

To Rei, he said, "You will need to make due. I recommend moving back to your old apartment… perhaps a familiar venue would help you regain your memories."

Tilting her head to the side, Rei regarded him. "May I please stay where I am, Commander? I find it… comfortable…"

Containing a sigh, Gendou nodded. _She would if it was an order,_ he thought darkly. _Damn it – even though she cannot remember why, she has grown attached to that place._

Impulsively, he said, "What is your primary reason for living?"

"Complementation."

"And your secondary reason?"

"To destroy angels."

Gendou felt a bit of the tension leave him. "And do you have any other objectives?"

"No sir," Rei replied immediately, "those are my obligations."

_Perfect._

"If there is nothing else, then you are dismissed."

"Yes, sir."

As the girl took her leave, Gendou glanced down at the papers on his desk, frowning slightly as one caught his eye. "Day after tomorrow," he murmured, lifting the small staff photo with the word 'Fifth' written across the bottom.

"Nagisa, eh?"

( 0 0 0 )

Rei wandered through Tokyo-3 with no real destination in mind. Since it was a warm, clear day, and she had nowhere to be, she simply allowed her feet to move, barely even taking note of where she was going.

_This area is familiar,_ she thought, rubbing her temple as she turned down a side street. _Perhaps I have been here before?_

Houses marched past as she walked, each just the same as the last – to Rei, anyway. Each held a family, or at the very least a single person, but why should she care?

She was simply an instrument.

"Forgive me, Commander."

Rei blushed faintly. She had not meant to speak aloud… but then again, she had not meant to lie to the Commander, either. The truth of the matter was that her memories were not as incomplete as she had said. It would be more accurate to say that they were muted, or blurred – images and feelings of the past just barely beyond her reach.

It would have been easier had there been nothing. As it was, Rei felt that she was always on the verge of uncovering the missing pieces of her past, but each time she tried to concentrate on clarifying her thoughts, they slid away and vanished like smoke on the wind.

The feeling that a simple nudge or strong push would bring everything back into focus was as maddening to Rei as having an itch that could never be scratched.

"_Grant me wings that I might fly_."

Rei's head whipped around as the lyrics of a song drifted through one of the houses open windows.

"_My restless soul is longing. No pain remains, no feeling. Eternity awaits_…"

"Wings…?" she echoed as the song trailed off into silence. "Folded… wings…?"

"Rei?"

The First Child looked up. "Hi… kari…?"

It was an odd thing, to call the class representative by her first name… but it felt right. And when the brown haired girl dropped the suitcase in her hand and rushed up to her, wrapping Rei in a warm, familiar embrace, the question of how close they might have been over the past few months seemed rather moot.

"Ohhh I thought I wouldn't get to see you," Hikari moaned, resting her cheek on Rei's shoulder. "Did Ikari tell you I was moving? I tried to come to your house, but no one was home." She smiled as she pulled back. "You left the door unlocked again, though… silly."

"S-sorry…"

"Ikari told me that you got hit in the head," Hikari said soothingly, "and that you forgot some stuff… but you remember me, right? You must have, because you're here!"

"I remember you," Rei said carefully, realizing suddenly that she could _almost_ remember the feel of the brown-haired girl waking up at her side.

_Were we… lovers…?_

No, this felt wrong… but something very close.

"I wish I could stay with you," Hikari was saying, cutting into Rei's musings on the exact nature of their relationship. "I'd… you can't come with us, can you…? I just feel so bad that we're leaving when you have to stay. Is there any way you could…" she trailed off, sighing heavily, "sorry, I'm babbling… you can't leave, you're a pilot."

"Yes," Rei agreed. "I am a pilot."

Hikari took her hand, holding it in both of hers as she whispered, "I'll come back for you, ok? When everything's over, I'll come back and find you… and we'll be friends again, ok? Promise me you'll stay alive until I come back for you."

Though this was not a promise Rei could make, she still nodded.

"I… I had to tell Touji goodbye today," Hikari said unevenly. "They're making him stay, even though he said he'd never pilot again. Sad, huh? And I only got to be his girlfriend for a little while…" Abruptly, she shook herself. "Take care of yourself, Rei," she said warmly, "and good luck."

Not knowing what else to say, Rei stammered, "Th-thank you…"

Hikari gave her a hug, holding her for several, wonderful minutes before pulling back and whispering, "Here… one last time, ok? A going-away present from me to you. I really do love you, Rei, and I'm sorry I couldn't… love you the way you needed to be loved."

Gently, she turned Rei's head and gave her a soft, tender kiss.

Rei's stomach did a lazy summersault as the brown-haired girl's lips connected with hers, and a memory struggled to rise to the surface of her mind… but before it could fully materialize, Hikari had broken away.

"Good luck, Rei," she said once more, wiping her eyes as she finally stepped back, "bye…"

Rei's throat was too tight to speak as the other girl strode quickly to where her father was waiting for her, waving only once as she climbed into the car… and burst into tears as the car backed out of the driveway and headed out into the city traffic.

Standing on the curb, Rei watched until the car was out of sight, trying to recall the way it felt to be held and kissed – the first time. She knew there _was_ a first time, because she could _feel_ the memory of it buzzing at the corners of her mind, but for the life of her, she could not make it come to the fore.

"I… I don't remember," Rei whispered, rubbing her temples as her head began to throb, "I don't… remember any of it."

Taking a shuddering breath, she recalled something that Hikari had said.

_Ikari… Ikari must know of this, as he was not close to Hikari before… before I can remember, and she spoke of him familiarly just now. I must speak with him…_

With this resolution, Rei started off in the direction of NERV central, where Shinji was due to undergo routine synchronization training that evening.

As she walked, she occasionally brushed at her eyes.

For some reason… they seemed to be leaking at the corners.

Continued…

Note: the line 'grant me wings' and the next couple lines after are from the song _Beloved_ by VNV Nation.


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 28

Rei leaned against one of the corridor walls near the men's locker room, taking in slow, even breaths as she tried to regain her composure. As she had been trying to find Shinji, a jumbled mass of images and thoughts had hit her like a bomb, making her weak in the knees and forcing her to stand still until the feeling had passed.

Some of the haziness of the past three months had been lifted, but in all honesty, it had not been much. She could remember, for example, why she was living in Mister Kaji's apartment… but what they had talked about, or why the man had left, she could not quite recall. There was a vague recollection of Major Katsuragi's enraged face tied to her most recent memories of the apartment, but why she was angry, or what she had done to express her anger, were lost to Rei.

_Hikari,_ she thought rubbing her forehead with one hand as she finally pushed away from the wall. _Why does her name make my face warm? It is the same with Shinji, as well as Mister Kaji. Why… must I experience this? I no longer no myself, nor-_

"Miss Ayanami? Are you alright?"

Looking up, Rei found herself staring into another set of red eyes.

Like a hammer, another memory hit her, Souryu's shrill voice screaming, "_That's what's different about us, you know. You told Shinji you're replicable – but I'm not, goddamn it… and I know it,"_ in her mind so vividly that Rei nearly looked around for the girl.

Blinking, she realized that the person in front of her was not the Second – and was not even a girl. "Who are you?"

The boy smiled soothingly. "Kaworu Nagisa."

"Who are you really?"

This was not what Rei had meant to say. The question she had been meaning to ask was, 'Why are you here?' but somewhere along the way, the message got scrambled.

Kaworu simply smiled.

"I believe you know."

Rei stared into the boy's eyes for a long moment, memories of the past three months struggling to be heard over memories far, far older – memories not truly hers, yet belonging to no one else. Memories of a time she had never known yet ached to recall.

And where her own memories were hazy, these were absolutely blackened. Only in seeing herself reflected in Kaworu's eyes did she even have an inkling that they existed.

"Destroyer."

Waving a hand, Kaworu murmured, "Please, don't be so dramatic. We're the same, you and I… vessels to carry the Chosen. Shells with nothing to hold save the tiny, fragmentary lives we carve out for ourselves. To say I am a destroyer is to say it of yourself, Miss Ayanami, and from what Shinji tells me, you are far from being that."

Gazing intently into his eyes, Rei only had one question.

"You know Shinji…?"

"Admittedly not very well," Kaworu said. "I met him only recently, you see, though I do feel as if we have a certain… bond, I suppose, as if we were destined to meet one another."

Rei's thoughts were absolutely clamoring. _Destined,_ she thought, latching onto the most recent memory of Shinji that she could. _You do not deny that you are here to destroy that which I hold dear. Therefore, if I am destined to be a destroyer as well… perhaps…_

Kaworu leaned closer as Rei whispered something too quiet for him to hear. "What was that?"

"If we are the same," Rei said quietly, her arms slowly rising from her sides as she stared into the newcomer's eyes, "then you too, are replicable…"

Kaworu made no move to stop her as she reached out and wrapped both hands around his slender throat.

"…correct?"

( 0 0 0 )

"Rei?" Shinji knocked a second time, noticing with a certain lack of surprise that the door to Kaji's apartment was slightly ajar. "Rei, are you here?"

_Even if you are,_ he thought, _why am I here? We're not… as close as we were, right? You can barely remember what happened, so why…_

He shook his head, letting the thought go as being irrelevant.

Besides, he already knew the answer. _Some boyfriend,_ he thought, pushing the door open to see if the girl was inside. _Asuka's_ _missing, Touji's been moved – along with half of the school… you're the only one I can still talk to… so I'm running to you, even though you're the one who's hurt worst…_

Misato, of course, was unreachable – especially since the day he had seen Rei in the hospital. She had gone to NERV that night to discuss something with Ritsuko, but when she returned, she refused to look him in the eyes… and they hadn't talked much since.

_I had a missed call from Ritsuko that night,_ he thought suddenly, peering into the dimly lit apartment. _I wonder what she wanted to talk about? She doesn't answer her phone, and I haven't seen her for a couple of days. Well, I guess if it's important, she'll call back…_

Blissfully ignorant of the events that had transpired in the clone storage facility, Shinji chalked it up as another synch test or small question on the last angel fight.

"Rei," he called, "why are you just sitting there in the dark?"

Situated at the kitchen table, Rei did not look up. "It is… more relaxing," she said slowly, staring intently at her hands. "In the dark, there is less danger of seeing something that will make my memories overwhelm me."

"Oh," Shinji mumbled, feeling very useless. "Umm, do you mind if I come in?"

"No," Rei replied. "I would like that."

"Ok."

Moving into the eerily silent apartment, Shinji made his way over to the table, nearly falling over the couch's footstool and cursing as he crouched down to rub his shin. Finally reaching her, he took the seat on the opposite side of the table, glancing down to find that her hands were not empty, as he had first thought, but that each palm held a small, glittering object.

"What are you doing, Rei?" he asked softly, squinting in the low light to figure out what she was holding.

"Considering," was Rei's quiet reply.

"Considering what?"

"…what meaning these hold."

Clearing his throat, Shinji said, "Can I see them? Maybe I can help."

Rei extended her hands, showing a watch in one, and what looked like a necklace on a piece of paper in the other. "The watch was a gift from the Commander," she said by way of explanation. "He gave it to me to ensure that I was always on time, but it seems to have been broken. I do not remember how."

Examining the timepiece, Shinji noticed that the hands were frozen at exactly 10:10, the time every watch in every store he had ever seen was set to when you first bought it. _That's… kinda weird,_ he thought, looking to the other hand.

"And what's that?"

Rei followed his gaze. "A necklace."

"Oh."

"There was a note with it."

"Well, let me see."

Shinji took the small, carefully folded note from Rei's hand and read it out loud.

"_I know you like to be direct and to the point,"_ he announced slowly, "_so I will do the same. I cannot apologize properly for the way I treated you, but I know I cannot leave things the way they are, so I will give you this. It was my mother's, and it meant the world to her. If I see you wearing it, someday, I will know that you have forgiven me, or at least, that you understand why I said the things that I said. I don't know what else to say, so I'll just stop here. I'll be hoping to see it around your neck, Rei. Please forgive me."_

Shinji turned the note over, examining the back for a moment.

"It's not signed…"

Rei nodded.

"Do you… have any idea who it might be from…?"

Rei slowly shook her head.

"Can I see it?"

When Rei said nothing, Shinji reached out and plucked item from Rei's hand. Holding it up, he frowned, finding himself staring at a small, silver cross dangling from a sturdy steel chain. It was old, and clearly well used, but whoever had owned it last had polished it until it shone, and when Shinji twisted it just right, it caught the dim light and sparkled brightly.

"Are you going to wear it?" he asked softly, holding the pendant out to Rei.

She did not take it.

"I do not know who it is from," Rei said softly. "Perhaps… I have not forgiven them."

Shinji laughed softly. "If you can't even remember being mad at anyone, how can you say you haven't forgiven them?" When Rei offered no reply, Shinji rose to his feet and walked around the table. "Here," he said softly, "I'll help."

Rei tilted her head forward as Shinji held the pendant in front of her eyes, allowing him to drape the chain around her neck and fasten it in place.

"There," Shinji said quietly. "Let's see how it looks."

Moving around to stand in front of her, he nodded, giving her an encouraging smile.

"It looks beautiful, Rei."

"What good-"

Shinji leaned forward curiously as Rei cut herself off. "Hm?"

"What good does it do to spread your wings if they are immediately broken or torn from you?" Rei asked, looking up at Shinji with wide, shining eyes. "Tell me… please. I feel that I have… striven so hard, given so much – and I am no further than when I began. I cannot remember the simplest of things… even when I look at you, I can only remember half of what I know I should feel. Ikari… Shinji… please tell me where I belong… please tell me that I haven't failed… please…"

She closed her eyes as Shinji laid his hand on top of her head.

_Please…_

A shiver ran down her spine as Shinji kissed her gently on the lips. For the first time…for the hundredth time…Rei no longer knew.

"Why… did you do that?" she whispered, touching her lips as Shinji pulled away. "Are we… intimate?"

Shinji's face was so sad that Rei thought she had said something wrong.

"Only if you want to be…"

"I… don't know if I do."

Nodding, Shinji murmured, "Will you let me know when you're sure?"

"Yes."

Shinji hesitated.

"…do you remember where I live?"

It was a basic question, but still, Rei had to think about it for a moment, her cheeks flushing slightly as she finally nodded. "To a point," she said slowly, "everything is clear. I remember everything until… something happened with Mister Kaji and I. The events beyond that are…hazy. Sometimes, I remember little things… but most of the last three months are lost to me."

"Don't push yourself," Shinji recommended. "I don't know if I can help in any way, but if I can, just let me know."

"Thank you."

"Sure."

Resisting the urge to give her another kiss, Shinji straightened and made his way towards the door.

"Shinji?"

"Yeah?"

"…will you stay awhile?"

Smiling sadly, Shinji nodded and walked back over to the table, sitting across from Rei and taking her hand in his.

"Sure, Rei," he said softly, wishing he could meet her confused and uncertain eyes. "I'll stay as long as you need me to."

To be concluded…


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 29

(Second Version)

The air in the Commander's office was thick and oppressive, more oppressive, even, than normal – which said a lot about the expectation hanging between the slim, blue-haired girl and the man behind the huge, ornate desk. The Commander was pleased. Rei, of all people in the world save Fuyutsuki at his side, could tell the man's mood without having him say it out loud.

His lips threatened to curl up in a smile, and the lines around his eyes seemed shallower and less defined as he stared at her across the seemingly endless space between them. Yes, the Commander was pleased, but even with his victory at hand, he was still unwilling to show any outward sign of emotion.

There was also, Rei knew, another factor tempering his victory – a simple, exceedingly important factor that could be expressed in a short, straightforward question.

"Why didn't you come to me, Rei?"

Rei stared at a spot four inches in front of the Commander's linked hands, unable to force herself to meet his eyes as she whispered, "I was not sure you would approve, Commander."

Gendou exchanged a look with Fuyutsuki. "Why?" he asked bluntly. "You… removed the last roadblock, Rei – why would that upset me?"

_The last roadblock,_ Rei mused. _To him, Nagisa was never…_

She let the thought go, because the Commander was correct – Kaworu Nagisa wasn't human, and never had been. Only she had seen into his eyes. Only she had seen her own face reflected in their darkening depths.

Only she would ever think of the soft-spoken Fifth Child with anything even close to compassion or pity, as she had been the only one present when-

"You look uncomfortable, Rei," the Commander said, rescuing the girl from her own thoughts. "I will not reprimand you for this. Now answer my question."

Rei gathered her wandering, semi-hollow thoughts. "It was… not my intent to end his life, Commander," she said slowly. "My goal was to intimidate him – and to prove that we were more dissimilar than similar, but I could not… stop." Raising her eyes, she concluded, "I did not wish to disappoint you, Commander, and I felt that if you knew I had no intention of killing a known enemy, you would disapprove."

"You were right to think that," the Commander rumbled, "but I am more concerned that you would try to deceive me."

"That was not my intention," Rei said immediately. "I was… confused. The holes in my memory make it difficult for me to think coherently sometimes."

The Commander's lips compressed to a thin line, but he said nothing.

Clearing his throat, Fuyutsuki leaned over his former pupil's shoulder, murmuring, "We should act quickly, Ikari – the Committee will know of this by morning."

"Indeed," Gendou hummed, "which means they will be knocking on our door by the following evening… and they do not knock lightly, old friend. We should begin the procedures for Complementation as soon as we ca-"

"I'm afraid that will not be possible."

So caught up in their conversation were the two old men that they had momentarily forgotten that the First Child was in the room with them. Both looked up, staring blankly at the young girl as she gazed placidly from one to the other, her eyes showing not so much as a hint of her thoughts.

"What do you mean, Rei?" Fuyutsuki asked coolly, glancing at the Commander for some sign that he knew what was going on.

But Gendou was just as clueless as his old teacher – and being out of the loop was one thing the Commander of NERV did not take kindly to. Rising to his feet, he stared the blue-haired girl down, his eyes flashing behind his tinted glasses as he flatly demanded, "Explain yourself."

Rei gazed up into the Commander's face, and he was surprised to find her eyes devoid of fear or concern, though he did catch a glimpse of regret in them a moment before she spoke. "There is a… complication, Commander," she said quietly. "I'm afraid that there is another secret I have withheld."

The Commander's face immediately smoothed itself into a mask of cool indifference. "Oh?" he said with a clearly forced air of unconcern. "And what is that?"

"After the… incident with Nagisa," Rei whispered, "I visited the Evangelion cages."

As the girl reached up and began idly fingering the simple cross pendant hanging from her neck, Fuyutsuki picked up the phone on Gendou's desk and began contacting the cages to have them check for signs of sabotage.

He need not have bothered.

"I… spoke to Evangelion Unit 01," Rei murmured, letting her hands fall to her sides as she looked up into her Commander's unwavering gaze. "I have sworn," she said carefully, "time and time again, that I will fulfill your scenario, Commander – and I will, if fate deals us that hand."

Fuyutsuki hung up the phone. "Nothing's been touched," he reported. "The tech reported that the restraining bolts had been disengaged, but nothing else had been tampered with."

"The restraining bolts?" Gendou repeated, glancing over his shoulder. "What would that… accomplish…?"

His eyes widened as he whipped back around to face Rei.

"No…!"

Rei averted her eyes. "I spoke to her for a long time, Commander," she said guiltily. "A long… long time, before returning to Mister Kaji's apartment and I believe… she understood all of my concerns, particularly those regarding Ikari and his role in your scenario."

"Call the cages," Gendou breathed. "Fuyutsuki – call them back now. Make sure they reengage the restraining bolts."

"I believe it is too late," Rei lamented quietly. "I do not… _know_ that she will understand, in her current state, but I… _feel_ that she-"

"Be quiet," Gendou ordered flatly.

Rei, however, seemed to be beyond hearing, her eyes wide and unblinking as she whispered, "She has decided."

"Commander," Fuyutsuki said sharply. "I think you better hear this."

Gendou nodded, knowing, instinctually, what he would hear when the older man activated the speaker-phone and set the receiver down. The sounds of rending metal and terrified screams filled the room as one of the technicians in the EVA cages screamed, 'We can't stop it!' and other, more frantic cries, his voice rising into hysterics as the phone went dead.

"What have you done, Rei…?"

The Commander's voice was low and cold, but he was not truly asking a question. What was happening down in the cages was obvious – Evangelion Unit 01 had activated itself and was moving under its own power. The only thing Gendou did not know was where it was going.

And it did not take much thinking to come up with the answer.

"Scramble Unit 02," he barked, keeping his eyes on Rei as Futyutsuki picked the phone back up and dialed the extension for the EVA cage. "Use a dummy plug if you have to, but intercept Unit 01 at all costs. She's heading for Terminal Dogma."

"I do not believe that you will be able to stop her, Commander."

"Be quiet," Gendou snapped a second time. "Fuyutsuki – intercept that Unit!"

"The dummy plug isn't working," Fuyutsuki reported, covering the mouthpiece on the handset. "It's been inserted for the past two days in case of an emergency, but Miss Ibuki says that Unit 02 is rejecting it. She's retrying, but it doesn't look good."

Gendou turned on Rei. "You will pilot," he commanded. "Get to the cages – Unit 02 will respond to you."

When the girl simply stared at him, Gendou grabbed her by the upper arm, hustling her out of the room. Together, the trio made their way towards the EVA cages, listening to the ongoing reports of Unit 01's progress as the rest of the installation tried, unsuccessfully, to stop it.

Practically throwing Rei through the door, the Commander jabbed a finger towards Unit 02's entry plug. "Go," he said softly, his cracking composure barely holding as the threat of losing Yui forever grew more real with every passing second. "_Go!"_

"It will not help," Rei said, slowly making her way towards the plug's open hatch. "I can feel her rage, even at this distance. She will not be denied."

Though Rei was at last obeying his orders – and would fight Unit 01 to the death if necessary – it was painfully clear to Gendou that her lack of resolve would lead to her inevitable failure.

And so, at eleven fifteen, with his dreams crumbling before his eyes, the Commander's temper had finally reached its limit. The bullet from his pistol punched into Rei's back with all the force of a sledgehammer, throwing her to the floor amidst the startled cries of the technicians, where she lay gasping for breath as her body registered the sudden incapacitation of her right lung.

Forty seconds later, the Commander joined her on the floor, his heart stopped forever as his oldest and truest friend, Kozou Fuyutsuki – long enamored of Yui Ikari, and her physical replica, Rei Ayanami – put an end to his former pupil's madness.

So unconscious was his response that Fuyutsuki would later have no recollection of drawing or firing his gun.

With the Commander gone, and the sub-commander in a state of shock, no one was able to scramble Evangelion Unit 02… and at eleven twenty five, Unit 01 reached Terminal Dogma, where it self-destructed, annihilating the defenseless Lilith and ending forever the possibility of Human Complementation.

It would be some time before anyone understood the true reasons why.

( 0 0 0 )

In the hospital hallway, Shinji leaned against the wall, letting the door to Rei's room slide closed behind him. _Stable,_ he thought, shaking his head in amazement. _Stable but unconscious… you were lucky, Ayanami. Damn lucky._

He blushed, unconsciously running his fingertips along his bottom lip and staring fixedly at the floor. Her lips had been just as soft as he'd remembered, and he would have sworn that after kissing her, some of the tension had left her face – though that was probably just his imagination.

_I shouldn't have done that,_ he thought guiltily. _It's like stealing if she can't tell me no, but I… she just looked so-_

"It doesn't get better, you know."

Shinji nearly screamed as a voice addressed him from the couch next to the door he had just exited.

"A-Asuka…?"

It was, indeed, the Second… though she looked quite different from the last time he had seen her. Her eyes were back to sapphire blue, and her hair was straight blonde with no streaks, though it looked so pale that it could pass for straw, and from where Shinji was standing, it seemed rather thin. Even as he watched, the girl reached up and ran her fingers through it, coming away with several strands between her fingers. Grimacing, she brushed these away, glancing down at her pitch black turtleneck to see if there were any more clinging to the thick-looking fabric.

"I used like, four things of peroxide," Asuka said, practically glaring at a strand of overly bleached hair as she flicked it off of her shoulder. "Might have overdone it just a bit."

"It looks…"

"Awful?"

Shinji averted his eyes. "Better," he said diplomatically. "I didn't like all the streaks."

Rising to her feet, Asuka folded her arms over her chest. "It doesn't get better, you know."

"I… I don't know what you mean," Shinji admitted.

"I think you do," Asuka murmured, stepping closer and looking him boldly in the eyes. "All of it," she gestured around, "this… her… me… everything – none of it gets better. This is as good as it'll ever be."

Shinji nodded. "I know that," he said tiredly. "I figured that out when you left." He hesitated for a moment, and then whispered, "Where did you go?"

"Everywhere," Asuka said evasively, "nowhere. Doesn't matter. It's not like I was alone… Section Two was everywhere I went, but they never bothered trying to make me go home. I'm useless to them now, Shinji – last week's trash. But I did a lot of thinking while I was gone. It was… interesting, to have that much time to myself."

Shinji had no idea what to say. Something in the girl's eyes was haunted, but they seemed clearer than he could ever remember them being.

_They look… calm,_ he mused. _Maybe that's the wrong word – but her eyes look like she's figured out what she wants to do with her life._

"Did you miss me?"

Shinji's reply was immediate.

"Yes."

A ghost of a smile appeared on Asuka's lips. "Then why aren't you holding me?"

Shinji returned her hesitant smile. "I didn't know if you wanted me to…"

"Finally," Asuka whispered, putting a hand on his chest. "You're starting to learn."

"Are you coming home now?"

Asuka's voice was surprisingly soft as she replied, "If I knew where 'home' was."

Trying not to sob with frustration, Shinji said, "It's with me."

The smile on Asuka's lips was ironic, though not truly cruel. "I told you not to read Misato's romance novels anymore," she said. Stepping closer, she put her hands on Shinji's shoulders, looking into his eyes as if trying to find the answer to a question that had been bothering her for some time.

Shinji let her look, wishing – not for the first time in his life – that he could read minds… or at least expressions, because as it was, he had absolutely no idea what was on the Second's mind.

After a moment, she leaned forward and took a small, gentle kiss.

"Take care of yourself."

"W-wait!"

Not knowing what else to do, Shinji caught Asuka by the hand… and slapped her across the face.

"What the hell-"

"Last time you said I should have hit you," Shinji blurted, catching her other hand before she could retaliate. "You said you might have respected me if I hit you when I was angry… but I don't want you to respect me – I'll get on my knees and beg, if you want me to. I don't have any self-respect left… but don't leave me… please don't leave me…"

Asuka stared at him with her mouth hanging open for a long, long minute before shaking herself and whispering, "I don't know how to live with other people anymore. I was never good at it, but now I can't even remember what it was like."

"Then we'll learn," Shinji said quickly. "We'll learn it all over again, you and me… we don't even have to live with Misato, if you don't want to, but _stay… with… me._"

"And what about Rei?"

Shinji clenched his eyes closed.

"…I don't know if I can help her anymore."

For what felt like an eternity, he waited for Asuka's reply. Finally, she sighed, slowly wrapping her arms around him as she whispered, "Yes you do."

Shinji clung to her, shuddering uncontrollably as he began to cry. "What should I do?" he sobbed. "Just tell me what's right and I'll do it – I can't do it alone anymore… I can't-"

"Shh…" Asuka murmured. "Stop blubbering… you're embarrassing yourself." Lightly, she stroked his hair as he wept into her shoulder. "Listen. Are you listening?" She waited for Shinji to nod. "I might be a bitch, Shinji, but I'm not heartless. I know Rei's pretty screwed up right now, so, for now, I don't mind if you try to help her… as long as I know you're not going to be running to her every time she has a hangnail." Gently, she lifted his face, ignoring the tears rolling down his cheeks as she looked into his eyes. "You're the only person that will ever understand me, Shinji. With everything that's happened, I can't live with anyone but you anymore – and you can take that however you want, I just don't care."

Sniffling, Shinji whispered, "Alright… but you have to understand me too… and if you really do understand me, you'll know that I could never leave Rei to fend for herself – not with everything she's been through."

Asuka's nostrils flared. "And if I say it's her or me?"

"If you say that, then I'll know you don't understand me at all… because I could never abandon someone I care for."

Silence fell as the two Children stared deeply into each other's eyes, each trying to gauge the other's seriousness. Finally, Asuka opened her mouth to say something, but Shinji spoke before she could.

"If you really feel anything for me, you'll accept me as I am… and that means accepting her too. That's your answer, Asuka. I will never, ever let Rei be alone, or get hurt." He met her gaze steadily as he whispered, "And that goes for you, too. If you need me, for anything, say the word, and I will do anything in the world for you… but I will _never_ stand by and-"

Asuka raised one hand, cutting him off. "I get it, Shinji," she said quietly. "You've made it pretty damn clear."

"Then… I guess this is goodbye."

As Shinji stepped past her, Asuka caught his arm.

"You love her then?"

"Yeah… yeah I guess I do…"

Asuka lowered her voice to a soft whisper. "Do you love me too?"

"…do you want me to?"

"How?"

"Huh?"

Abruptly, Asuka put her hands on his shoulders, pushing him up against the wall with an intensity in her eyes that was truly frightening.

"How do you love her?" she whispered urgently.

"I don't-"

"Do you love her like you'd love a sister, or do you love her like you love a girlfriend? Do you love us both the same way? Tell me that much so I'll know… so I'll know if I can love you back."

Shinji averted his eyes. "I don't know," he said honestly. "I don't… even know _how_ to love someone, really – I'm just making it up as I go along."

Asuka bit her lip, staring down at the floor between them as her hands unconsciously clenched and unclenched on his shoulders. Shinji could see that she was deep in thought, so he said nothing, letting her reach whatever conclusion she was going to come to all on her own.

_I've said everything I have to say,_ he thought tiredly. _It's up to her what she wants to do next. God, I really do want to be with her, but-_

His thought was cut off as Asuka suddenly crushed her lips up against his, kissing him deeply as her arms slid around his chest and her tongue thrust into his mouth. Shinji stood paralyzed for a moment before his lethargy broke and he pushed back against her, refusing to let her have the upper hand.

Shinji's ears were so full of rushing blood that he barely heard Asuka whisper, "I want all of you… Shinji, I want you all for myself…"

Putting a restraining hand on her shoulder, he forced her a little ways back. "Asuka, I told you I can't-"

Asuka pushed his hand off of her shoulder, and before her lips met his once more, she whispered her final words on the subject.

"…but I'll take what I can get for now."

( 0 0 0 )

Hikari knocked gently on the door to her bedroom, feeling a little foolish for having to do so, but not wanting to startle her guest out of her quiet reverie. She smiled as she found Rei standing in exactly the same position as when she had left several minutes prior – namely, staring out the window into the dark evening and barely blinking as she looked out into the night.

So much had happened in the two weeks since Hikari's return that she did not know where to start thinking about it. First her father had announced that he had received a message from NERV central saying that the last of the angels were gone, encouraging them to move back to Toyko-3. Then, Hikari had heard that Touji – who had been moved away after the last angel – would be returning soon, and was anxious to pick up where they had left off.

_And then,_ she thought, _there's Rei…_

Hikari had sobbed like a baby when Rei had told her, during lunch together on her first Monday back, that her memories had been nearly wiped out due to some type of accident involving her EVA Unit. She had tearfully asked if Rei had remembered anything about their relationship, and had broken into fresh sobs when the blue-haired girl had told her, very gently, that she remembered their closeness and mutual affection… but little else.

Embracing Rei from behind – and being careful to avoid the bandages on her back – Hikari joined in looking out the window, trying to understand Rei's enigmatic conclusion to that first conversation.

"_For the time, it seems… I am free…"_

Free from what, Hikari was not sure, and Rei did not seem willing – or able – to elaborate. Of course, Hikari would not have been able to fathom the implications of Lilith's destruction, or grasp that this singular event had rendered Rei seemingly useless to NERV, for without the body of the second angel, or the clone thereof, Complementation was theoretically impossible.

"Looks like it's gonna rain," Hikari observed, giving Rei a gentle hug as she nodded to the gloomy sky above. "Wanna stay over?"

"Yes," Rei replied, "I would like that… thank you."

Hikari closed her eyes. "Are you happy, Rei?" she asked softly. "I've been meaning to ask you since I came back, but it never seemed like a good time."

Considering this question for a moment, Rei finally whispered, "Of the three people I have loved in my life, two have loved me back… and the third may have as well, though now that he is gone, I can only suspect." Leaning back against Hikari, she asked, "To want more at this time would be greedy, wouldn't it?"

Slowly, Hikari shook her head. "No, it wouldn't," she said calmly. "I love you… and Shinji loves you – and yes, I'm sure that Mister Kaji loved you, too… but you deserve to have someone love you the way you wanted to love us, Rei, can you understand the difference? Shinji's… I don't know how serious he is with Asuka, but they're together a lot, and when Touji gets back I'll pick things back up with him… but there's no one for you."

A faint smile lifted the corners of Rei's mouth. "You make it seem like I have given up," she mused. She reached up and idly toyed with the cross pendant resting against her breastbone as if to remind herself that there was a fourth person she needed to add to the list. "But that is not the case. Perhaps Shinji is serious about his relationship with Souryu… but I am just as serious in my desires, and I have yet to hear him say that he would not like to be with me."

Hikari's eyes were wide, and she shook her head, clearly unsure of how to reply to Rei's unwillingness to simply roll over and play dead.

"I love hearing you talk."

Rei blushed faintly at the blatant praise.

"You are… embarrassing me…"

Hikari laughed. "Then I know I'm saying the right thing."

The two fell into companionable silence for several minutes, gazing out the window as drops of rain began to patter against the glass.

"Hey."

"Yes?"

"…have you remembered anything else?"

Rei closed her eyes.

"No," she whispered, "and I don't believe I ever will. Whatever was done to me seems to be permanent, though I am left with… feelings and motivations of that time, and I do have some recollection, it is simply incomplete and vague."

"Rei… Rei, I'm so sorry."

"Why?" Rei wondered. "It was not your doing."

Instead of replying, Hikari tightened her hold on Rei's shoulders and held her so close that Rei began to feel claustrophobic.

"We'll make new ones," she whispered fiercely, "new memories that no one will ever take away. Me, Shinji, Asuka, Touji – everyone… we'll all help you make memories so perfect you'll forget all about the ones you can't remember."

Rei felt her eyes pricking a bit, and her throat was too constricted with emotion for her to speak, so she simply nodded, turning around and burying her face against Hikari's neck to inhale the smell she would forever associate with friendship, trust, and caring. More than Shinji, even more than Kaji… Hikari was the one Rei loved the most. Even if it would never be a romantic love, it was still _love_.

And Rei knew that she was lucky to have it.

Hikari kissed Rei on the top of her head, smiling warmly as the blue-haired girl pulled back and wiped discretely at her eyes.

"Looks like it's gonna be pretty dark tonight," she observed, nodding towards the window.

Smiling softly, Rei shook her head. "Perhaps," she whispered, thinking suddenly of all the wonderful truths she would get to relearn, surrounded by people who loved her so much they were willing to sacrifice so much to make sure she was happy. "But even if it is, it will be light eventually."

Hikari nodded, giving Rei one last hug before excusing herself to make dinner. She paused, though, glancing back over her shoulder as she reached the door and thinking that Rei looked quite content as she stood gazing out of the window with that small, innocent smile on her lips.

_She looks so peaceful,_ she thought, admiring the soft curves of the blue-haired girl's face. _So… God, is it ok to say 'angelic' now, since they're all gone?_

Even if this term had fallen out of favor, Hikari still felt okay about using it – even if it was only in her mind… because to her, at that moment, Rei looked like an angel.

An angel on the verge of spreading her wings…

The End

Author's notes: this story ended up being far longer than I had planned. Originally, it was going to be about ten chapters, but it just kept growing and growing until it reached the monstrous size of 74,000 words at 230 pages, not counting the alternate ending. Now that it's done, I don't really know what to say about it, other than to mention that the relationship between Asuka and Shinji simply developed over the course of writing the story, and that I never intended to pair them up – _or_, for that matter, pair _anyone_ up. This was never a romance story, it was a story about Rei's evolution as a character. Everything that happened along the way was a byproduct of her attempts to grow as a person.

I don't know if I've failed or succeeded in my original goal, but I'd like to think that if nothing else, even though I put her through the wringer… I managed to give her something she did not get in the original series.

A happy ending.

To you, the reader, I would like to extend my thanks for reading this behemoth tale. I hope it was enjoyable enough that you did not snap your computer off with a disgusted grunt and swear to never read another Evangelion story again, if this was any indication of what they were like. In short, I suppose – I hope it was worth your time.

I chose to have this last chapter pre-read by MacBeth2001 for two reasons. First, because he's really good at it and I knew I could trust the end to him, and Second, because so much happens in this story that if I posted the end without the benefit of a second opinion, I would miss something crucial or fail to touch on a critical plot point.

If that happened anyway, it was entirely my fault and not his, and you have my sincerest apologies.

Thank you again for reading my story.

-Random


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